princessaguzie asked you:
Hey Jed, do you have advice for someone dealing with fear and anxiety?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Princess!

Fear and anxiety, huh?  Well, you know, of course, that anxiety isn’t God’s will for your life.  You’ve probably heard this verse before, but it’s a good one:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7, NIV)

But, what is anxiety, exactly?  Well, anxiety is the thing you feel when you’re trying to control things over which you have no control.

The reason this verse tells you to take your anxieties to God is that, when you do that, you’re reminded that He is in control.  Of everything.

You know this, but, just as a reminder, there is nothing God can’t do.  He can bend the laws of nature to his whim, he can raise the dead to life, he can speak the cosmos into existence with a word.  In short, he can handle it.  Whatever it is, he can handle it.

The funny thing to me, Princess, is that in my life, I’m often anxious – worrying over things I can’t control – as a way to keep from dealing with what I can control.

Let’s say for a second that you felt anxious about your family.  Maybe your folks are fighting and arguing and there’s a lot of drama.  Well, now, anxiety will get you wound up on the idea that you need to fix it.  Except, you can’t.  You don’t have any control over your parents – you don’t determine what they do or how they act.  However, you have complete and total control over finding a place you can go in your life where there isn’t drama, where you can relax and be at peace and be yourself.  (A friend’s house or a church youth program would be examples.)  And the important detail here is that finding that place and going there regularly will actually help a lot in terms of coping with drama at home.  And anxiety keeps you from seeing that.  That’s why the Devil’s tempting you to it.

So, how do we deal with that?  Good question.  To start, take the things you’re afraid and anxious about – one by one – and start asking, “What do I actually have control over in this situation?”  Make a list.  Sit down with a trusted friend or mentor and plot what concrete actions you’re going to take on those things you can control.

On everything else, sit down with you and God, and tell him how you feel.  Pour out your heart to him – worries, fears, anxieties, concerns – and then ask him to take it off of you.  Thank God that he’s in control of every one of those details, not one of them beyond his power or grip, and that he loves you.  Ask him to give you peace.  Then, leave those concerns with God.  Refuse to pick them back up, to play them through in your brain, to examine little details.  Put your mental energies into working out the stuff you have a measure of control over.  And then go have some fun.

There’s a famous meditation called The Serenity Prayer, and it encapsulates all of this really well:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

I’m Praying for you, sis.  Hang in there.