Anonymous asked:
Hi Jed. I am a 19 yr old female to male transgender. Lately, I’ve been feeling hurt and lost. I feel like I’ve assaulted God for changing into the person I desire to be instead of living the way He made me. Someone told me I should trust in God and stop living this way and God will bless me, but the thing is.. I don’t want to stop living this way. I know that homosexuality is a sin which is why I’m choosing to remain single.  Right now, I’m certain that I don’t want to go back [to my old gender]. I am happy with the way things are.. with society, religion going on today.. I feel ashame for what I’ve done.  I’ve mess with God and played Him. I’ve asked the Lord what he wants me to do but I have not got an answer. Can I continue to live this way and love the Lord? [Edited for length and content.]

Jed Brewer replied:

My friend,

Thanks for your question, and for trusting me with your story.

Here’s my question back to you: is there more to you than your sexuality?

See, what a lot of people do is come to God and say, “Ok, God, before anything else, we have to be on the same page about X.”  And X could be anything – their politics, their relationships, their doctrine… whatever.  And they want God to pick a side about X, and they’ll evaluate their relationship with God based on the choice he makes.  (This should be sounding like a bad idea to you as you read it.)

As it turns out, people tried that all the time with Jesus.  They brought him questions about government, marriage, the afterlife – all kinds of stuff – and demanded that he pick a side, so they could know what box to put him in.  And whenever they did that, Jesus’ essential reply was, “I don’t fit in your boxes.  And I’m not gonna play this silly game.”

Part of the reason Jesus responded that way is that it’s absurd for a person to identify themselves by one thing – their politics, their gender, their sexuality.  In Jesus’ day, there were some people (called Zealots) who hated the government.  And they wanted to know if Jesus was with them or against them, and, off of that, they’d know how to evaluate Jesus.  But Jesus is bigger than an opinion about government, and you, my friend, are bigger than your gender.

What I’m saying is this: can you, transgendered person that you are, just sit down with God and talk about something else?  I want you to imagine this for a moment.  You go to God in prayer, and you’re praying about being transgendered and how part of you loves it and part of you is ashamed and what should you do – and suddenly, you hear a voice.  And the voice says, “I hear you.  You’re confused.  I understand.  Down the road, we’ll deal with your confusion.  For right now, could we please talk about something else?”

What would you say?  I mean that as a serious question.  If you were going to talk about something else with God, what would it be?

I’d encourage you think long and hard about that question, because, beloved, there is more to you than your gender, and your transgendered status, and your confusion, and your shame.  The Bible says that God has “set eternity” in your heart (Eccl 3:11), which means there’s an infinite supply of you for you and God to talk about.

You know, of course, that God does have a plan for your sexuality.  He has a plan for every part of your life, and the Christian walk is about submitting all of yourself to God.  But that needs to take place in God’s way, and in God’s timing.

Yes, there will come a day when God will want to talk about your gender and sexuality and what he wants you to do with all of that.  But is that day today?  I highly doubt it.  My sense, anon, is that what’s before you today is letting your Father tell you how much he loves you, and working on accepting that.  Because, believe this, he loves you, transgendered, confused, ashamed, and all. 

If you’re willing to take the incredibly courageous step of accepting God’s love for you – and I know that you are – you will find that, when the time comes to look at sexuality and gender, it’ll be a whole different ball game.  God’s love sets people free – free from shame, free from confusion, and free from repression.  When the time comes, whatever God has for you in the arena of gender and sexuality is something you’ll be able to receive as a gift and a blessing, and not a punishment or a curse.