ddandylion asked you:
Hi Jed. I truly love your blog. I am writing to you because I feel ashamed. I suffer from social anxiety, a mental illness that causes me to freak out in social situations, and it makes it really hard to reach out to others. I am slowly recovering but I feel so terrible because at work nobody knows that I am Christian. With all my heart I want them to know. It’s not good enough that they find out that I’m a Christian through Facebook. I pray everyday for boldness but its not working :(

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Danielle,

Sis, I truly love your blog.  I just spent some time reading your last few posts, and you’ve got a good mind and a good heart.

So, because you’ve got a good heart, its no surprise that you want to reach out to your co-workers.  And yet we have this thing in the way.  So let’s dig in and figure out what we do.

First of all, mental illness is not something that you just “try harder” with.  I’m sure you know this, but I’m betting from time to time you’re tempted to think, “maybe if I just really pushed myself I could do xyz”.  And that isn’t true.  A guy with a broken leg needs to heal up before he can run a marathon.  And those of us who have experienced mental illness need to recover before we’re at full capacity.

That said, step one is to do what I sense you’re already doing: commit yourself to be diligent in your recovery.  Go to your counseling sessions and engage.  Take whatever medications you are prescribed.  On the spiritual side, pursue the Lord, day by day and bit by bit choosing his will for your life over fear and anxiety.  Cast your cares on him and receive his strength.

And then – and this is very important – don’t judge yourself.  If you’re committing yourself to the process of recovery, and you’re making progress, then you don’t have a single thing to feel bad about.  Because it’s only a matter of time.  You’re going to get where you’re going.  Period.

Now, in the meantime, you still love your co-workers, and you still want to reach out to them, and you’re still in recovery.  So, what do we do?  Simple.  We just need the right strategy.

Social situations are hard, but we want to show God’s love.  No problem.  Let’s show love without bringing a social situation in to play.  Let’s say there’s a gal in the office going through a divorce or other tough time.  Bake her a plate of cookies, and wait till she’s not at her desk, and then leave the cookies with a little note, “Hey, I know life’s tough right now – I’m praying for you and who doesn’t love cookies?”  Boom!  You just showed some love, girl!

Truth is, there’s a lot of ways to show love without having to have some big, anxiety-provoking face-to-face encounter.  An email note of encouragement.  A plate of cookies.  Bringing somebody a coffee when you return from your break.  And, Danielle, those actions speak a whole lot louder than any words you could say anyway.

I would actually bet, sis, that your coworkers already know you’re “religious”.  People pick up on that rather deftly.  What they’re all wondering is, “What’s she gonna do with it?”  If you start turning that religion into Love (which sounds right – I think I read a verse about that somewhere) then you will be ministering to your coworkers, with or without social anxiety.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.  You have God’s love in your heart for these people.  All you need is a strategy to let it come out in a way that fits your situation.  Allow yourself to relax and have fun with that process, and I think you’ll find it’s a whole different ballgame.