Anonymous asked:
I have a question. See, my major that I’ve been working on in my life is kicking out masterbation and porn. I’ve been doing good this week but I was wondering if ‘wet dreams’ (I was gonna say something more medical sounding but couldn’t think of anything) are, bad I guess.

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey bro,

Well, there’s a short answer to this question, and a long answer to this question.

The short answer is, no, nocturnal emissions (the more medical sounding name for wet dreams) are not bad.  Although there is not 100% agreement in the medical community, it’s commonly believed that nocturnal emissions occur more frequently in the absence of masturbation.  In other words, your body has business it wants to take care of, and if you don’t join in, it will just do it without you.

Likewise, psychology says that the things you refuse to think about during the day get worked out in your subconscious mind at night.  And you don’t have any choice in the matter. 

So, no, it’s not a sin, it’s not bad, and it doesn’t make you dirty.  That’s the short answer.

The longer answer starts with a question: why would you think that a wet dream is bad in the first place?

You are a sexual being.  God designed you that way.  On purpose.  I think it’s fantastic that you’re taking a stand against lust in your life, but the goal of that stand is not to become a genderless gnome.  The goal of that stand is to submit your sexuality to God, and let him tell you what to do with it.

The problem with lust is not that it’s sexual, it’s that it’s a distortion of God’s plan for sexuality.  Likewise, gluttony is not a sin because food is bad, it’s a sin because it presents a perversion of God’s plan for food.

Sexuality is a good thing.  It’s a beautiful thing.  There’s an entire book of the Bible devoted just to celebrating it.  (If you ever start to wonder if God’s a cool dude, remember that the Bible has a whole book of music, and a whole book of sex.)

If you want to do something truly righteous as regards your wet dreams, let them remind you that you are, inescapably, a sexual being, and that God designed you that way.  Let them serve as a reminder to go to God and say, “I have a lot of info on what you don’t want sexuality to be in my life, but what do you want it to look like, and how to I start to live into that?”

For a lot of Christians, their goal seems to be to pretend that sexuality doesn’t exist until their wedding night.  That is a terrible idea, and it doesn’t work.  For the sake of you, and your future spouse, and your future marriage, and your future family, do not do that.

Make no mistake: God has firm boundaries on sexual stuff that shouldn’t be a part of your life right now.  But you already know that.  My guess, bro, is that what you’re less clear on is what he does want to be a part of your life today, in regards to sexuality. 

So, begin that journey.  Read Song of Songs.  Get with a pastor or mentor you respect and ask, “What does it take to be a good husband?  And what does it take to have a healthy sex life in marriage?  And what should a healthy sex life look like in marriage?  How is it supposed to work?” 

What you’ll find is that a good marriage, and a good sex life, will require you to be a certain kind of dude.  You’ll need to be confident but humble.  Kind but not cloying.  Inspiring but not overbearing.  Start working on those traits in yourself today, and rest easy in the sure knowledge that God is preparing a good woman for you, and that a day is coming soon when you will lay your burden down.