carleycatastrophe asked you:
Hi Jed! I’ve followed for a while now and I truly love your blog! I have a question about how to pray for a person in my life. There is a guy that I care about very much, and due to various reasons, we aren’t together right now. I believe God has us separated right now, but hasn’t taken this relationship away completely. My boy is struggling with God and I need to know how to pray for him. He knows mentally, but his heart isn’t accepting. If that makes sense? Thank you so much for any advice!

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Carley!

Thanks for the encouragement, sis – I’m really glad you like the blog!

I’m sorry to hear that you and your friend are going through a tough time right now.  If it’s any comfort, the idea of being in a place where you know what you’re supposed to think about God, but your heart isn’t in it, is one I’m intimately familiar with.  I’ve spent a lot of time in that place.

In terms of how to pray for him, I’d encourage you to ask the Lord to raise up a mentor for him in his life – someone who is (significantly) farther along with the Lord than he is, who can help him move forward.

When we talk about “knowing with your head but not your heart”, we’re generally looking at one of two things.  The first is somebody who’s been around church stuff, and, so, they know the “right” answers, but they aren’t particularly interested in having something between them and God.  And, in that case, there’s not a lot that you or anybody else can do.  People tend to come to God when their plans for their life have failed, and they’re ready for something new.  And, generally speaking, people aren’t ready for something new until they are.  That process can’t really be rushed.

The second category is somebody who wants to have something between them and God, but there’s an obstacle in the way.  I’m guessing that’s where you’re friend is at.  And the reason I’d encourage you to pray for a mentor for him is that ministry is all about finding the obstacle and taking it out of the way.

If you can dig it, I bet your friend actually accepts a whole lot of stuff about God with his heart (more than he realizes), it’s just that there’s a lot of hurt and fear on top of the acceptance, drowning it out.  A lot of terrible stuff happens in churches, unfortunately, and it leaves deep wounds.  A good mentor can help with that healing process.

The other thing I’d pray for for your friend is a place to serve other people in worse circumstances than himself.  When we’ve been hurt, it often times leads to a lot of inward-focused thinking and introspection.  The problem is that all the introspection (which quickly becomes navel-gazing) doesn’t lead anywhere.  You’re looking for answers within you, and if they were there, you would have found them already.

When you’re confronted with people going through a rough time – homeless folks, families who can’t feed their kids, people behind bars – it takes you out of your own head.  A person with an ounce of compassion will look at folks in those rough spots and think, “I know God loves these people.  I know he does, and I’m not willing to believe in a God that wouldn’t.”  That’s a good and true thought.  And it’s important because it quickly leads to this thought: “If God loves them, why the heck can’t he love me?!  If I can accept his love for them, why can’t I accept his love for me?  What exactly is so wrong with me?”  And now we’re getting somewhere.

So, yeah, Carley, that’s what I’d pray for.  A place to serve where your friend can get out of his own head, and a mentor to help guide him to something new.  He’s lucky to have somebody praying for him and believing in him.  And, heck, I’m praying for both of you.  Let me know how it goes.