Anonymous asked:
You know how it says that love always trusts and always perseveres? What exactly does it mean to trust someone? Even though I have close friendships, whenever I feel disappointed, my trust in the other person almost instantly disappears. I know they say that trust is hard to build and is easily broken, but I don’t believe it is impossible. How do you rebuild your trust in a person? Also, I’ve let people down too, but how do you earn back trust?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Anon,

Those are some great questions, but they span a few different arenas, so, let’s do this.

First, on the subject of trust and how it should work in relationships, check out this post:

http://jedbrewer.tumblr.com/post/16563401356/how-do-i-trust-people-in-a-healthy-way

Second, you’re referencing a verse from 1 Corinthians 13, which is an extended description of what Godly love is like.  My man Lee Younger is doing an awesome series on what those words actually mean, and you can check it out here:

http://leeyounger.tumblr.com/tagged/1COR13

The thing I’d like us to take a quick look at here related to your question is this… How do we avoid reading something in the Bible differently from what it’s actually saying?

So, for example, the verse you mentioned is this one.

“[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor 13:7, NIV)

Now, we hate to think this could happen, but, what if somebody you know – who happens to be a complete tool – comes to you and says, “You should let me borrow your car.  And you have to love me, ‘cause God says so.  And Love always trusts – it’s in the Bible.  So hand over the keys.”

Whoa, Nelly.  Let’s hold on a second.  Now, Captain Tool-o-matic is technically correct that the Bible does say the words, “Love always trusts.”  That much is true.  But the important question is: what does the Bible mean when it says those words?

Step one is to go to this awesome website – www.bible.cc - and search for the verse in question.  Now, look at the way that verse is translated in different versions of the Bible.  The reason do this is that every “version” of the Bible is a translation from one language to another.  And translation is not an exact science.  So, each version will bring out a slightly different flavor of what was meant in the original language.  By comparing the different versions, we can use them as commentaries on each other, and get a good overall sense of what was being said in the original.

When we do that with this verse, what we see is that the word “trust” really has two ideas in it – and neither of them are what dude means when he says you should just trust him.

The first idea is simply that God’s love within us empowers us to believe God’s promises, no matter what.  This has to do with us and God, and nobody else.

The second idea is that God’s love causes us to see the best in others.  But that isn’t the same as giving them unearned trust.  Seeing the best in others really boils down to seeing the potential within them, and refusing to relinquish that.  In other words, when people are at their worst, Love looks at them and says, “The real them is so much better than this, and they can become that person.”

In fact, if we’re determined to see people live into their potential, that will actually drive us in the opposite direction from what our toolish friend has requested.  He is being manipulative and uncool.  And believing in his potential requires us to shut him all the way down, because otherwise he gets the idea that he can manipulate people, and they won’t mind.  We do that hard thing because we love him.  And as the rest of your verse says, that love never gives up.