Anonymous asked:
Hey Jed! So I’m writing this message at 3 am. I’m so confused about life, God, etc. it hurts because I KNOW God loves me. The thing is, I may be attracted to women as I do men. I felt this way for as long as I can remember although it never really bothered me. I’m a shy person but at times, around my close friends, I’m funny and outgoing. Recently though it hit me hard. My words are scrambled and I’m really starting to lose focus on Jesus, my Savior.. I don’t know what to do Mr. Jed, I’ve also have been watching porn as well and I just really need God more than ever..

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey sis,

Thanks for your note. 

It sounds to me a little bit like you’re freaking yourself out.  Like you’re letting a lot of disconnected details try and tell you a big fat lie about your life.  For what it’s worth, sometimes, I do that, too.  And it’s no fun at all.

So, you may be attracted to women, too.  Ok.  Well, what do we do with that?  Simple: take it to God, and tell him what the deal is.

Like you say, there’s been an element of that attraction within you for a long time, and we don’t know exactly where it comes from.  That doesn’t leave you with anything to feel bad about, sis.  You didn’t decide to be “naughty”; you’re just trying to live your life, which is what all of us are trying to do.

The key is to take it to God.  Tell him, “God, I’m attracted to women.  I’m not quite sure what to do with that.  But I know you’re not looking down on me in the midst of that.  I need you to give me peace about where I’m at today, and wisdom on where to go with this tomorrow.”

To avoid any trollish responses to this post, allow me to note that, no, same-gender sexual intercourse is not a right thing.  There.  Now, then, let’s review where you’re at:

• You like looking at porn.  This is totally normal.  (Yes, it’s naughty.  We’re all clear on that.)  As it turns out, everybody likes looking at naked bodies. 
• You’re somewhat attracted to folks of the same gender.  OK.  That’s true for a lot of people.  (The numbers vary a bit, but folks who experience same-gender sexual attraction are about 1-in-10.  That’s about the same percentage of people who are left-handed.)
• You feel freaked out.  Well, dang, sis, that’s true for a whole lot of people, and just about every young person on the planet.

None of the above makes you a freak, or a weirdo, or a super-sinner.  It makes you a normal person with sexual desires who’s trying to figure out how to live and follow Jesus.  And that’s no easy thing.

God is not looking down on you.  I promise.  And, more than that, he’d love to talk about your sex life, who you find attractive, where that’s coming from, and where he wants to see it go.  In other words, God has a whole lot more to say on the subject of your sex life than “just don’t.”

I’d encourage you, in your prayer life, to start being completely honest with God about how you’re feeling, who you’re attracted to, and how you feel about that attraction.  And then I’d encourage you to memorize this verse, and claim it as true for yourself:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15)

God gets it, sis.  He understands.  More than you do.  He understands, and he’s not looking down on you.  He wants you to share your heart with him.  And he wants to give you wisdom on where your desires are coming from.  And he wants to guide you into a life where you are truly satisfied.  I promise.

Anonymous asked:
I wonder if you have advice for a Christian who’s stumbled bad. Years ago I lost a dear friend in an accident which set up events which broke my then relationship and left me in a new city alone. Angry, I rejected God, moved in with a new atheist GF who I love, bought a house and got engaged. Then 1year ago after soul searching I returned to my faith. My problem is that I’m told that my new life is not Godly and I need to change it which has left me lost, anxious and confused. What am I to do?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey my friend,

First, before anything else, I’m so sorry for your loss.  That’s a terrible tragedy, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend’s family.

Second, everything you’re describing makes perfect sense.  Unfortunately, I’ve had very close friends pass away unexpectedly, and it sucks.  It’s disorienting.  It’s confusing.  It’s painful and saddening and enraging and numbing all at the same time.  And it totally clicks that, in the midst of that, we could make decisions that might not have been the best.

And, of course, it makes sense, too, that God has kept pursuing you in the midst of everything.  He has that tendency, since He loves you a whole lot.

The thing that doesn’t quite make sense to me is where you say “I’m told that my new life is not Godly and I need to change it.”  Says who?

I don’t know a lot of the details here, anon, but to hold up a mirror to what you’ve told me, you had a tragedy in your life, experienced a bunch of hard changes in the wake of that, got pissed with God, and built a life for yourself apart from Him – or, apart from religion, at the very least.  Well, dang, if I were in your shoes, there’s good odds I would’ve done the same thing!

Just guessing, but what I think might be going on here is that you know some church people who are telling you that you shouldn’t be living with somebody you’re not married to, and that you shouldn’t marry an atheist, and so your life is boned and now you must fix it.  But I’d like to suggest something else.

I think you should spend some time just hanging out with God, and getting to know each other better.  It sounds like you have a lot of stuff to talk about together and, if you can dig it, a lot of that needs to happen before it’s time to start making big life changes. 

Yes, sex outside of marriage is not God’s plan, and, no, a Christian marrying a non-Christian is not a good idea.  Also, there’s an order to the changes that need to take place in our lives, and that order needs to be something we get from The Lord.  (Also, if you develop a really cool, vibrant relationship with God, there’s the distinct possibility that your atheist girlfriend may turn out to not be nearly as atheist as she thinks.  Just saying.)

God’s a patient dude.  He’s been pursuing you a long time, and he’s not about to give up.  There will come a point when he’ll want the two of you to take a look at your romantic relationship and how he feels about it.  Is that point today?  I really doubt it.

The best way to approach this, my friend, is to find an older Christian mentor – who doesn’t have a stick up their butt – and have them be an advisor and sounding board for you.  Find somebody who’s working with homeless folks, or inmates, or drug addicts.  Tell them your story, and ask them to keep you lifted up in prayer. Spend some time getting to know God better, and talk through that process with your mentor.  If you do that, the next steps – and their timing – will become a lot clearer.

drowninginhisgracee asked you:
My dad is atheist. The Lord has placed a calling on my life to be a missionary. Dad FREAKED out when I told him I wanted to go to a Christian college. I KNOW this is what the Lord is calling me to do, but I don’t want to go against my dad either. I just feel like when it comes to parents, you have to choose your battles, and this is one worth fighting for. It’s causing so much stress and strain and I don’t really know how to go about handling this. [Edited for length.]

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Laura,

Thanks for your message, and I’m really sorry you’re in a tight spot. 

There’s both a human, worldly answer to this question, as well as a spiritual answer to this question.  And, oddly enough, they turn out to be the same thing.  Which is nice.

The human part is that your Dad is concerned about your safety and comfort.  And that makes sense.  He’s your Dad.  But, part of maturing as a person is spreading your wings, leaving your comfort zone, and trying risky things.  Plenty of parents try to keep their kids from doing this, and it’s not a good idea.  To a certain degree, people learn who they are by making mistakes. 

From a human standpoint, you’re a grown woman, it’s time to make your own choices, and that includes making choices your Dad doesn’t like.  But, of course, that means living with the consequences.  If your Dad isn’t willing to support you financially in going to a Christian college, you’ll have to look for loans, grants, and scholarships.  They are out there.

If you find the money to go where you want, your Dad doesn’t have a play to make in this.  And he shouldn’t.  Again, you are a grown woman, and you have to make a grown woman’s choice here.

From a spiritual standpoint, if God’s calling you to do something, then go do it.  People will always get in the way of that.  Kindly invite them to get the heck out of it.  You can be gentle and respectful with your Dad – and you should be – but, at the end of the day, your allegiance is to your savior, not to your Pop.

There’s an old missionary saying: where God guides, he provides.  Laura, that will be true for you as well.  If the Lord is leading you to go to a Christian college, and your Dad won’t financially support it, the Lord will make another way for you.  Knock, and the door will be open to you.

I know this is tough stuff, sis, and, again, I’m sorry for it.  If you can dig it, this is the beginning of your training to be a missionary.  Missionaries are people who do not take “no” for an answer under any circumstances, no matter what, ever.  If God says, “Yes”, then that’s the final word on the topic.  Follow where God’s leading you, take it one day at a time, and you will get where you’re going.  I promise.

xxpatchworkxx asked:

On the event of Obama’s statement about the legalization of gay marriage, I’ve been unsure of what the Christian perspective on this is? I am respectful to homosexuals and those who choose to take that path. However, I know God says what they’re doing is a sin. Should homosexuals be legally allowed to get married?

I answered:

Let’s get this out of the way: same-gender sexual intercourse is a sin (Romans 1:26-27), therefore folks who engage in it are sinners.  Now, no one can say I didn’t point that out.

Now, you know who else is a sinner? Everyone! Romans 3:23 says all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Everyone is a sinner and there are no levels of sinner. The good news is that Jesus came to love and redeem sinners; not former sinners, not reformed sinners, not sinners who only engaged in socially acceptable sins, sinners. 

And since the Church is called to love like Jesus did, guess who the church has to be accepting of? Exactly, sinners. I’m glad you are respectful of homosexuals, sadly that is way ahead of some Christians. But we are not called to be respectful of our fellow sinners, we are called to love them. 1 Corinthians 13 says “If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.” Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God and love others.

What is at issue in President Obama’s announcement is that when Christians hear the word “marriage” they think of it in a Christian context.  The problem is that we live in a society that has all kinds of marriages.  We have Common Law marriages that are recognized legally in many states in America, and where no “vow” has ever been taken.  We have so-called “open” marriages where one or both partners are involved in extra-marital sexual activity, and both partners have signed off on it.  Further, there are many different religious marriages that are non-Christian - Sikh, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Mormon, Jewish, etc.  None of these meet the definition of a Christian marriage, but they are every bit as legally protected. Our society, as an outgrowth of our democratic underpinnings, has, for centuries, honored the desire of two consenting adults to enter into a long-term relationship and call it marriage.  There is, of course, one notable exception - the prohibition of slave marriages in the pre-Civil War South.  As a people, we do not look back kindly on this period.

Further, Christians often fail to understand that the designation of “marriage” is not a ceremonial one.  In the United States, marriage is a legal contract between two consenting adults. With it comes hospital visitation rights, legal protection of financial assets, health insurance coverage, and a host of other considerations.  It would be very difficult to argue that denying any of these rights to a committed adult couple is loving, or that denying them is in some way a defense against same-gender sexual intercourse. 

And, of course, there is the unfortunate reality that some Christians have taken a concern over the implications of gay marriage and the presence of homosexuals in society, and allowed that concern to spiral into something that is definitely *not* loving.  Verbally assaulting homosexuals - shouting that they are wicked and evil - is not loving.  Period.  (How would you like it if people castigated you every time you failed to give 10% of your income to your local church?)  And, it is nothing short of offensive to campaign that it be legal to bully LGBTQ school children.  A Savior who said he would judge the world by how they’d treated the least of these would not be pleased.

Now some might say that we have to defend the word and uphold blah blah blah. If I get married someday, the fact that other consenting adults can enter into a legal agreement will not have the slightest effect on how I love my wife. I will boil this down to the simplest terms. We are called to love, above all else. I see tolerance and equal rights as love. I see exclusion and scapegoating and using human beings for political gain as hate. As a man who believes Jesus will return to this Earth and I will stand before him and give an account (Matthew 12:36, Hebrews 13:17) I am going to choose love.

-Matt from The Bridge

mamaleh6994 asked you:
Hey, bro! I have a question for you about college roommates. There’s this girl I’ve been talking to, and I think we might be a good fit. The thing is, she’s not a Christian. She told me that the last Christian she talked about rooming with defriended her on facebook when she said that she wasn’t one. Ridiculous, right? I know she’s not interested in becoming a Christian right now, but if we do room together, do you have any advice for showing her what Christ’s love really is?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey my friend,

I love this question, and I think you’re already 90% of the way there.  You asked how to show her what Christ’s love is like, and that showing aspect is the key.

You can talk a big game, but unless your actions back it up, it won’t matter.  But, for a sister like you, love-in-action ain’t hard to do.  So, here are some ideas:

- Listen.  I know it’s simple, but let her talk.  Give her a safe, welcoming space to share her hopes, fears, concerns, dreams, etc.  Just listen.  Very few people have somebody in their life that actually listens to them.  Be that for your friend.  (It will also make more direct ministry way easier later on.)

- Take her seriously.  One of the things that really turns people off about a lot of “Christians” is that they don’t take the views of their non-Christian friends seriously.  Whatever she believes, it matters to her.  So treat it – and her – with respect.  That doesn’t mean you have to agree, but you can certainly show respect and deference.  Which you should do.

- Serve her.  When she gets sick, make soup and get some cold medicine for her.  When her boyfriend breaks things off with her, you pick up the ice cream and tissues.  When her car breaks down, you pick her up.

- Be yourself.  My non-Christian friends know that I love Jesus.  And they know that my life revolves around that.  And they also know that I’m a real – and normal – dude that digs video games, cheeseburgers, and that we can just hang and it’s cool.  Be the kind of person your roommate would want to hangout with.  In other words, be yourself.

Let me know how it goes and how I can be praying.  Your friend is lucky to have you.

bmentzer asked you:
I’m not used to seeing positive Christian things on tumblr - Maybe I wasn’t looking for it but I’m glad I stumbled onto this! I guess my question would be is does “It” ever stick? do Faith/Beliefs ever stay around? I’ve had so many ups and downs in my journey that I’ve found that it’s easier to to not expect my relationship with God to go anywhere. Maybe this is an experience vs relationship issue?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey sis,

Well, in terms of positive Christian things on Tumblr, we can load you up!  Check out these awesome blogs:

Thebridgechicago.tumblr.com
Unkaglen.tumblr.com
Leeyounger.tumblr.com

All awesome, and all friends of mine.

Now, then, do faith and beliefs ever stay around?  Well, I think it depends what you mean.

What I’m betting you mean is, “Do the emotions of religion ever stick around?”  Good question.

When I was growing up, I associated having a walk or relationship with God with my feelings.  When I felt “spiritual”, I figured I was doing good spiritually.  And when I felt less spiritual, I figured something had gone wrong.

The problem here is that feelings come and go.  That’s part of what makes them “feelings”.  And that here-today-gone-tomorrow quality of our emotions is normal.  In fact, when Jesus was talking about living life as a Christian, he didn’t say that the emotions might wear off, he said that when they wore off, we should be prepared.  (Check out Matthew 13:1-23 in The Message translation, and in particular verses 20-21.)

So, given this, we’ll want to base our walk with God on something stronger and more permanent than feelings.  Now the Bible answer here is that we live by faith - a supernaturally strong ability to believe God’s promises that in fact comes from God.  But, practically speaking, how does that work out?

Well, see, one of the promises God has made – including to you – is that there is a point and purpose to your life.  (Check out Ephesians 2:10.)  The way that we get to that destination is by following God’s lead, regardless of how we’re feeling about it at the moment.

If I could suggest something to you, it would be to begin looking for – and asking God for – a burden to serve other people.  With spiritual stuff, it’s really easy to get stuck in our own heads.  This much I know: God’s purpose for your life revolves around serving others. 

So, start serving others.  Let your walk and faith become less about whether or not you suck (you don’t) and more about hooking up people going through a rough time.  If you’ll do that, I bet you’ll find that the ups and downs don’t bother you the same way they used to.  And I bet you’ll start to find a conviction and sense of calling within you – a whisper from the Holy Spirit – that doesn’t come and go.

alwaysbeinfinite asked you:
my friend lost his mom about 11 years ago, and he still blames God. I just don’t know what to tell him. He refuses God because he believes that God took his mother so therefore God is evil.I can’t enforce that, that just isn’t the truthbecause he won’t believe me. I want to tell him how God feels, but I dont want to say something to cause him to stray even farther away.What do i do?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Natalie,

It’s frustrating, isn’t it?  You know the answer to what’s hurting somebody, and, dang it, if they’d just listen everything would be ok, and they’d be happy – and saved – and why can’t I find the magic words?  I’ve felt that way plenty of times.

Here’s something it took me a long time to learn: there are no magic words.  There just aren’t.  There does not exist a magical phrase that will force your friend to think differently.  You can, of course, try to talk him in to something, but that means somebody else can come along and talk him out of it.

So, here’s what I’m suggesting: don’t try to talk him into anything.  At all.

Instead, make up your mind to be a safe place for your friend to share his hurt, and grief, and let down.  It sounds like he’s got a lot of it.  He says God is evil.  Fine.  You say, “Bro, I totally hear you.  It makes perfect sense that you would feel that way.  And I’m so terribly sorry for your pain.  Tell me more.”

Most people aren’t ready for something new until they’ve gotten a certain amount of pain off of their chest.  If you want to help your friend – and I know you do – help him by being willing to simply hear him out, as many times as it takes.

shinebright88 asked you:
Hey Jed! First of all, I LOVE your blog. It always covers a topic that I’m wondering about. 10 months ago, I realized that I had more than friends” feelings for my best guy friend. Since then, i’ve gone through a thousand different emotions. He hasn’t made any comments about it, so i assume he just wants to be friends. He’s the most Godly man I know, and I admire him a lot. He puts his relationship with God above everything else, and I don’t want to be “that girl” who messes that up. Any advice?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Sis,

Thanks so much for the kind words on the blog!

My sister, I think you should go read the book of Ruth.  She was a Godly woman who set her eyes on a Godly man and decided it was go time.  And she wasn’t subtle about it.  And it worked.  And it was awesome.  And she became Jesus’ great-great-great-great Grandma.

I think you may need to pull a Ruth.  Your friend’s a Godly dude.  And that’s what you dig about him.  Awesome.  The only problem is that you say, “He hasn’t made any comments…so I assume he just wants to be friends.” 

Here’s the thing: I am a dude.  And on behalf of dude’s everywhere, we are really, REALLY thick-headed.  I mean, dang.  Subtlety is lost on us.  Like you wouldn’t believe.  We need people – and especially ladies – to be shockingly direct, or we just will not get it.

So gather your courage, and be direct.  Do what Ruth did.  I have a hunch you’ll like the results a whole lot.

myworld-mcm asked you:
Hey Jed, God is helping me fight sexual immorality and things like that. There’s this girl though, I’ve already talked to her and explained to her that I can’t be physically flirting with her and what not because I know that’s not what Jesus wants me to be doing. the next day after I told her that everything was good, but then the next she she threw herself at me in class, we have to periods of culinary arts together, and I messed up. I don’t know what else to do man. What should I?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey bro,

Thanks for your note.  I’m sorry you’re feeling freaked out.  If it’s any comfort, I understand.  I’ve very much been there.

Step 1 is to take a deep breath and relax for a second.  God loves you, my friend – it’s gonna be alright.

I don’t know exactly what you mean by “physically flirting” or “messed up.”  But, given that you’re talking about stuff that’s going on in the middle of a culinary arts class, I’m kind of guessing that we’re talking about some PG-13 activity here, as opposed to anything R Rated.  I mention that to offer some perspective.  If you’re going farther than God wants you to, that’s not good, of course, but it doesn’t quite sound like it’s time to sound the panic alarm.

The thing I’d encourage you to look for is somebody to help give you some accountability and backup in your classes with baby girl.  Just a brother in the Lord who can help to provide some encouragement to keep your hands to yourself.  If you don’t have anybody enrolled in the classes that can do that, then ask a brother to text you and check up on you after those classes.  Knowing you have to give an account can help a lot in the self control department.

And I’m praying for you, bro.  Don’t beat yourself up.

weazworldwide asked you:
hey jed, a friend and i both have friends who are christians in ministry positions but are sleeping in the bed with their girlfriend/boyfriend. they say they’re not having sex and that temptation isn’t an issue, but how should we feel about that? can you suggest any bible passages that may be helpful in talking to them about the issue? love your blog!

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Weaz,

Sharing a bed, eh?

Well, look, here’s the go-to Bible verse for something like this, but I’d encourage you to read all the way to the end of this post before you act on it:

“Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22, KJV)

The Bible is clear that we should work hard to have a good reputation (c.f. 1 Tim 3:7), and avoiding things that needlessly set other people off is part of that.  Yes, you can sleep in the same bed as someone without having sex.  I can also use an old Jack Daniels bottle to sip water out of while I’m walking on my way to church.  But I don’t do that, because it’s a dumb idea.

You asked how you should feel about what your friends are doing.  I think you should feel that it’s a dumb idea on multiple levels.  It looks really hinky, it *does* increase the level of temptation, and there’s no good reason for it.  However, that doesn’t mean that you should be doing anything about it.

Your friends know this is a bad call on their part.  They do.  And they’re choosing to do it anyway.  They’re also, apparently, telling other people that they’re doing it, which is really, really not good.  Thing is, the person who should be confronting them about this is the person who put them into whatever ministry positions they hold.

This is a situation where your friends need to be rebuked.  They’re wrong, they know they are, and they’re doing it anyway.  That’s not a time for discussion and considering some interesting Bible verses.  That’s a time for dropping the hammer.  I should note that I’m saying this precisely because these are folks in ministry leadership.  We all have struggles, but leadership requires a higher standard of accountability.

This rebuke needs to have some authority behind it.  In other words, it needs to be a word from the boss.  If that isn’t you, then I’d think and pray long and hard before I tried to get in there and deliver one.  ‘Cause I don’t think it would go well.

What you definitely should do is be praying for your friends.  I’ve been around long enough to tell you that the odds are high that this is not gonna end well for them, on a lot of levels.  And they’ll need all the prayer and support they can get, and good friends that will keep on believing in them.