Anonymous asked:
Hey Jed! So I’m writing this message at 3 am. I’m so confused about life, God, etc. it hurts because I KNOW God loves me. The thing is, I may be attracted to women as I do men. I felt this way for as long as I can remember although it never really bothered me. I’m a shy person but at times, around my close friends, I’m funny and outgoing. Recently though it hit me hard. My words are scrambled and I’m really starting to lose focus on Jesus, my Savior.. I don’t know what to do Mr. Jed, I’ve also have been watching porn as well and I just really need God more than ever..

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey sis,

Thanks for your note. 

It sounds to me a little bit like you’re freaking yourself out.  Like you’re letting a lot of disconnected details try and tell you a big fat lie about your life.  For what it’s worth, sometimes, I do that, too.  And it’s no fun at all.

So, you may be attracted to women, too.  Ok.  Well, what do we do with that?  Simple: take it to God, and tell him what the deal is.

Like you say, there’s been an element of that attraction within you for a long time, and we don’t know exactly where it comes from.  That doesn’t leave you with anything to feel bad about, sis.  You didn’t decide to be “naughty”; you’re just trying to live your life, which is what all of us are trying to do.

The key is to take it to God.  Tell him, “God, I’m attracted to women.  I’m not quite sure what to do with that.  But I know you’re not looking down on me in the midst of that.  I need you to give me peace about where I’m at today, and wisdom on where to go with this tomorrow.”

To avoid any trollish responses to this post, allow me to note that, no, same-gender sexual intercourse is not a right thing.  There.  Now, then, let’s review where you’re at:

• You like looking at porn.  This is totally normal.  (Yes, it’s naughty.  We’re all clear on that.)  As it turns out, everybody likes looking at naked bodies. 
• You’re somewhat attracted to folks of the same gender.  OK.  That’s true for a lot of people.  (The numbers vary a bit, but folks who experience same-gender sexual attraction are about 1-in-10.  That’s about the same percentage of people who are left-handed.)
• You feel freaked out.  Well, dang, sis, that’s true for a whole lot of people, and just about every young person on the planet.

None of the above makes you a freak, or a weirdo, or a super-sinner.  It makes you a normal person with sexual desires who’s trying to figure out how to live and follow Jesus.  And that’s no easy thing.

God is not looking down on you.  I promise.  And, more than that, he’d love to talk about your sex life, who you find attractive, where that’s coming from, and where he wants to see it go.  In other words, God has a whole lot more to say on the subject of your sex life than “just don’t.”

I’d encourage you, in your prayer life, to start being completely honest with God about how you’re feeling, who you’re attracted to, and how you feel about that attraction.  And then I’d encourage you to memorize this verse, and claim it as true for yourself:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15)

God gets it, sis.  He understands.  More than you do.  He understands, and he’s not looking down on you.  He wants you to share your heart with him.  And he wants to give you wisdom on where your desires are coming from.  And he wants to guide you into a life where you are truly satisfied.  I promise.

Anonymous asked:
I wonder if you have advice for a Christian who’s stumbled bad. Years ago I lost a dear friend in an accident which set up events which broke my then relationship and left me in a new city alone. Angry, I rejected God, moved in with a new atheist GF who I love, bought a house and got engaged. Then 1year ago after soul searching I returned to my faith. My problem is that I’m told that my new life is not Godly and I need to change it which has left me lost, anxious and confused. What am I to do?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey my friend,

First, before anything else, I’m so sorry for your loss.  That’s a terrible tragedy, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend’s family.

Second, everything you’re describing makes perfect sense.  Unfortunately, I’ve had very close friends pass away unexpectedly, and it sucks.  It’s disorienting.  It’s confusing.  It’s painful and saddening and enraging and numbing all at the same time.  And it totally clicks that, in the midst of that, we could make decisions that might not have been the best.

And, of course, it makes sense, too, that God has kept pursuing you in the midst of everything.  He has that tendency, since He loves you a whole lot.

The thing that doesn’t quite make sense to me is where you say “I’m told that my new life is not Godly and I need to change it.”  Says who?

I don’t know a lot of the details here, anon, but to hold up a mirror to what you’ve told me, you had a tragedy in your life, experienced a bunch of hard changes in the wake of that, got pissed with God, and built a life for yourself apart from Him – or, apart from religion, at the very least.  Well, dang, if I were in your shoes, there’s good odds I would’ve done the same thing!

Just guessing, but what I think might be going on here is that you know some church people who are telling you that you shouldn’t be living with somebody you’re not married to, and that you shouldn’t marry an atheist, and so your life is boned and now you must fix it.  But I’d like to suggest something else.

I think you should spend some time just hanging out with God, and getting to know each other better.  It sounds like you have a lot of stuff to talk about together and, if you can dig it, a lot of that needs to happen before it’s time to start making big life changes. 

Yes, sex outside of marriage is not God’s plan, and, no, a Christian marrying a non-Christian is not a good idea.  Also, there’s an order to the changes that need to take place in our lives, and that order needs to be something we get from The Lord.  (Also, if you develop a really cool, vibrant relationship with God, there’s the distinct possibility that your atheist girlfriend may turn out to not be nearly as atheist as she thinks.  Just saying.)

God’s a patient dude.  He’s been pursuing you a long time, and he’s not about to give up.  There will come a point when he’ll want the two of you to take a look at your romantic relationship and how he feels about it.  Is that point today?  I really doubt it.

The best way to approach this, my friend, is to find an older Christian mentor – who doesn’t have a stick up their butt – and have them be an advisor and sounding board for you.  Find somebody who’s working with homeless folks, or inmates, or drug addicts.  Tell them your story, and ask them to keep you lifted up in prayer. Spend some time getting to know God better, and talk through that process with your mentor.  If you do that, the next steps – and their timing – will become a lot clearer.

drowninginhisgracee asked you:
My dad is atheist. The Lord has placed a calling on my life to be a missionary. Dad FREAKED out when I told him I wanted to go to a Christian college. I KNOW this is what the Lord is calling me to do, but I don’t want to go against my dad either. I just feel like when it comes to parents, you have to choose your battles, and this is one worth fighting for. It’s causing so much stress and strain and I don’t really know how to go about handling this. [Edited for length.]

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Laura,

Thanks for your message, and I’m really sorry you’re in a tight spot. 

There’s both a human, worldly answer to this question, as well as a spiritual answer to this question.  And, oddly enough, they turn out to be the same thing.  Which is nice.

The human part is that your Dad is concerned about your safety and comfort.  And that makes sense.  He’s your Dad.  But, part of maturing as a person is spreading your wings, leaving your comfort zone, and trying risky things.  Plenty of parents try to keep their kids from doing this, and it’s not a good idea.  To a certain degree, people learn who they are by making mistakes. 

From a human standpoint, you’re a grown woman, it’s time to make your own choices, and that includes making choices your Dad doesn’t like.  But, of course, that means living with the consequences.  If your Dad isn’t willing to support you financially in going to a Christian college, you’ll have to look for loans, grants, and scholarships.  They are out there.

If you find the money to go where you want, your Dad doesn’t have a play to make in this.  And he shouldn’t.  Again, you are a grown woman, and you have to make a grown woman’s choice here.

From a spiritual standpoint, if God’s calling you to do something, then go do it.  People will always get in the way of that.  Kindly invite them to get the heck out of it.  You can be gentle and respectful with your Dad – and you should be – but, at the end of the day, your allegiance is to your savior, not to your Pop.

There’s an old missionary saying: where God guides, he provides.  Laura, that will be true for you as well.  If the Lord is leading you to go to a Christian college, and your Dad won’t financially support it, the Lord will make another way for you.  Knock, and the door will be open to you.

I know this is tough stuff, sis, and, again, I’m sorry for it.  If you can dig it, this is the beginning of your training to be a missionary.  Missionaries are people who do not take “no” for an answer under any circumstances, no matter what, ever.  If God says, “Yes”, then that’s the final word on the topic.  Follow where God’s leading you, take it one day at a time, and you will get where you’re going.  I promise.

mamaleh6994 asked you:
Hey, bro! I have a question for you about college roommates. There’s this girl I’ve been talking to, and I think we might be a good fit. The thing is, she’s not a Christian. She told me that the last Christian she talked about rooming with defriended her on facebook when she said that she wasn’t one. Ridiculous, right? I know she’s not interested in becoming a Christian right now, but if we do room together, do you have any advice for showing her what Christ’s love really is?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey my friend,

I love this question, and I think you’re already 90% of the way there.  You asked how to show her what Christ’s love is like, and that showing aspect is the key.

You can talk a big game, but unless your actions back it up, it won’t matter.  But, for a sister like you, love-in-action ain’t hard to do.  So, here are some ideas:

- Listen.  I know it’s simple, but let her talk.  Give her a safe, welcoming space to share her hopes, fears, concerns, dreams, etc.  Just listen.  Very few people have somebody in their life that actually listens to them.  Be that for your friend.  (It will also make more direct ministry way easier later on.)

- Take her seriously.  One of the things that really turns people off about a lot of “Christians” is that they don’t take the views of their non-Christian friends seriously.  Whatever she believes, it matters to her.  So treat it – and her – with respect.  That doesn’t mean you have to agree, but you can certainly show respect and deference.  Which you should do.

- Serve her.  When she gets sick, make soup and get some cold medicine for her.  When her boyfriend breaks things off with her, you pick up the ice cream and tissues.  When her car breaks down, you pick her up.

- Be yourself.  My non-Christian friends know that I love Jesus.  And they know that my life revolves around that.  And they also know that I’m a real – and normal – dude that digs video games, cheeseburgers, and that we can just hang and it’s cool.  Be the kind of person your roommate would want to hangout with.  In other words, be yourself.

Let me know how it goes and how I can be praying.  Your friend is lucky to have you.

bmentzer asked you:
I’m not used to seeing positive Christian things on tumblr - Maybe I wasn’t looking for it but I’m glad I stumbled onto this! I guess my question would be is does “It” ever stick? do Faith/Beliefs ever stay around? I’ve had so many ups and downs in my journey that I’ve found that it’s easier to to not expect my relationship with God to go anywhere. Maybe this is an experience vs relationship issue?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey sis,

Well, in terms of positive Christian things on Tumblr, we can load you up!  Check out these awesome blogs:

Thebridgechicago.tumblr.com
Unkaglen.tumblr.com
Leeyounger.tumblr.com

All awesome, and all friends of mine.

Now, then, do faith and beliefs ever stay around?  Well, I think it depends what you mean.

What I’m betting you mean is, “Do the emotions of religion ever stick around?”  Good question.

When I was growing up, I associated having a walk or relationship with God with my feelings.  When I felt “spiritual”, I figured I was doing good spiritually.  And when I felt less spiritual, I figured something had gone wrong.

The problem here is that feelings come and go.  That’s part of what makes them “feelings”.  And that here-today-gone-tomorrow quality of our emotions is normal.  In fact, when Jesus was talking about living life as a Christian, he didn’t say that the emotions might wear off, he said that when they wore off, we should be prepared.  (Check out Matthew 13:1-23 in The Message translation, and in particular verses 20-21.)

So, given this, we’ll want to base our walk with God on something stronger and more permanent than feelings.  Now the Bible answer here is that we live by faith - a supernaturally strong ability to believe God’s promises that in fact comes from God.  But, practically speaking, how does that work out?

Well, see, one of the promises God has made – including to you – is that there is a point and purpose to your life.  (Check out Ephesians 2:10.)  The way that we get to that destination is by following God’s lead, regardless of how we’re feeling about it at the moment.

If I could suggest something to you, it would be to begin looking for – and asking God for – a burden to serve other people.  With spiritual stuff, it’s really easy to get stuck in our own heads.  This much I know: God’s purpose for your life revolves around serving others. 

So, start serving others.  Let your walk and faith become less about whether or not you suck (you don’t) and more about hooking up people going through a rough time.  If you’ll do that, I bet you’ll find that the ups and downs don’t bother you the same way they used to.  And I bet you’ll start to find a conviction and sense of calling within you – a whisper from the Holy Spirit – that doesn’t come and go.

alwaysbeinfinite asked you:
my friend lost his mom about 11 years ago, and he still blames God. I just don’t know what to tell him. He refuses God because he believes that God took his mother so therefore God is evil.I can’t enforce that, that just isn’t the truthbecause he won’t believe me. I want to tell him how God feels, but I dont want to say something to cause him to stray even farther away.What do i do?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Natalie,

It’s frustrating, isn’t it?  You know the answer to what’s hurting somebody, and, dang it, if they’d just listen everything would be ok, and they’d be happy – and saved – and why can’t I find the magic words?  I’ve felt that way plenty of times.

Here’s something it took me a long time to learn: there are no magic words.  There just aren’t.  There does not exist a magical phrase that will force your friend to think differently.  You can, of course, try to talk him in to something, but that means somebody else can come along and talk him out of it.

So, here’s what I’m suggesting: don’t try to talk him into anything.  At all.

Instead, make up your mind to be a safe place for your friend to share his hurt, and grief, and let down.  It sounds like he’s got a lot of it.  He says God is evil.  Fine.  You say, “Bro, I totally hear you.  It makes perfect sense that you would feel that way.  And I’m so terribly sorry for your pain.  Tell me more.”

Most people aren’t ready for something new until they’ve gotten a certain amount of pain off of their chest.  If you want to help your friend – and I know you do – help him by being willing to simply hear him out, as many times as it takes.

shinebright88 asked you:
Hey Jed! First of all, I LOVE your blog. It always covers a topic that I’m wondering about. 10 months ago, I realized that I had more than friends” feelings for my best guy friend. Since then, i’ve gone through a thousand different emotions. He hasn’t made any comments about it, so i assume he just wants to be friends. He’s the most Godly man I know, and I admire him a lot. He puts his relationship with God above everything else, and I don’t want to be “that girl” who messes that up. Any advice?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Sis,

Thanks so much for the kind words on the blog!

My sister, I think you should go read the book of Ruth.  She was a Godly woman who set her eyes on a Godly man and decided it was go time.  And she wasn’t subtle about it.  And it worked.  And it was awesome.  And she became Jesus’ great-great-great-great Grandma.

I think you may need to pull a Ruth.  Your friend’s a Godly dude.  And that’s what you dig about him.  Awesome.  The only problem is that you say, “He hasn’t made any comments…so I assume he just wants to be friends.” 

Here’s the thing: I am a dude.  And on behalf of dude’s everywhere, we are really, REALLY thick-headed.  I mean, dang.  Subtlety is lost on us.  Like you wouldn’t believe.  We need people – and especially ladies – to be shockingly direct, or we just will not get it.

So gather your courage, and be direct.  Do what Ruth did.  I have a hunch you’ll like the results a whole lot.

weazworldwide asked you:
hey jed, a friend and i both have friends who are christians in ministry positions but are sleeping in the bed with their girlfriend/boyfriend. they say they’re not having sex and that temptation isn’t an issue, but how should we feel about that? can you suggest any bible passages that may be helpful in talking to them about the issue? love your blog!

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Weaz,

Sharing a bed, eh?

Well, look, here’s the go-to Bible verse for something like this, but I’d encourage you to read all the way to the end of this post before you act on it:

“Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22, KJV)

The Bible is clear that we should work hard to have a good reputation (c.f. 1 Tim 3:7), and avoiding things that needlessly set other people off is part of that.  Yes, you can sleep in the same bed as someone without having sex.  I can also use an old Jack Daniels bottle to sip water out of while I’m walking on my way to church.  But I don’t do that, because it’s a dumb idea.

You asked how you should feel about what your friends are doing.  I think you should feel that it’s a dumb idea on multiple levels.  It looks really hinky, it *does* increase the level of temptation, and there’s no good reason for it.  However, that doesn’t mean that you should be doing anything about it.

Your friends know this is a bad call on their part.  They do.  And they’re choosing to do it anyway.  They’re also, apparently, telling other people that they’re doing it, which is really, really not good.  Thing is, the person who should be confronting them about this is the person who put them into whatever ministry positions they hold.

This is a situation where your friends need to be rebuked.  They’re wrong, they know they are, and they’re doing it anyway.  That’s not a time for discussion and considering some interesting Bible verses.  That’s a time for dropping the hammer.  I should note that I’m saying this precisely because these are folks in ministry leadership.  We all have struggles, but leadership requires a higher standard of accountability.

This rebuke needs to have some authority behind it.  In other words, it needs to be a word from the boss.  If that isn’t you, then I’d think and pray long and hard before I tried to get in there and deliver one.  ‘Cause I don’t think it would go well.

What you definitely should do is be praying for your friends.  I’ve been around long enough to tell you that the odds are high that this is not gonna end well for them, on a lot of levels.  And they’ll need all the prayer and support they can get, and good friends that will keep on believing in them.

skyscraperstojesus asked you:
Hi Jed, I have been debating something for awhile and i can’t seem to figure out what to do. I am in high school and want to pursure a career in fashion. I don’t know what God wants me to do, but I want to do what he wants. How do I know if what I want is what he wants? Is it selfish to have a career in fashion instead of say, doing missionary work?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey sis,

This is a great question, and I like the way you’re asking it, and the angles you’re already seeing related to it.

So, there’s something you want to do.  There’s something God wants you to do.  We aren’t sure if those are the same, and we aren’t sure if our desires are selfish to begin with.  OK, makes sense.

As a thought experiment, let’s ask this: how would you feel if God came to you on a cloud and said, “I am specifically calling you enter the world of fashion and be a light for me there.”  Could you be OK with that?

See, for a lot of people, they figure that something they like, something they have a passion for, can’t be what God wants for them.  That would be too easy!  But God isn’t in the business of crushing dreams.  He’s in the business of guiding and shaping those dreams into something far more incredible than what the dreamer thought was possible.

I am certain God does not want you to enter the world of fashion and sit there like a rock.  But what about working in the fashion world and showing people what God’s love looks like in action?  What about pointing folks who are struggling with drug addiction and eating disorders and crippling insecurity and narcissism to The Lord, and being his hands and feet in that process?  Now we’re talking!

Here’s a thought I’d encourage you to mediate on: anything plus love can change the world.  Absolutely anything.  Being a plumber.  A fashion designer.  An architect.  A model.  If you add God’s love to that vocation, it can become something sacred and redemptive.

You don’t need to have all the answers up front.  It’s ok to know that you love God and dig fashion and take that a step at a time.  If you keep yourself open to God’s leading, step by step, you’ll find him directing your paths.  In fact, he promises to do so:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

That trusting and submitting is a day-by-day process.  We do that a little bit at a time.  And God really will guide you to what he has for you.

But, today, the thing before you is accepting that God made you the kind of gal that loves him and likes haute couture and that that is just right.  Cause, sis, it really is.

Anonymous asked:
I’ve had a purity ring on for a few years now, but a week ago I broke the rules of staying pure until marriage (I am still a virgin though). Not really rules, but I guess it’s more of a promise with God. Does that mean I have to take the ring off? I feel ashamed and guilty. I know God would forgive me though, is this the devil tempting me to feel this way? What should I do?

Jed Brewer replied:

Darling, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way.  Shame and guilt are terrible things.

In moments like this, it’s easy to feel so let down, and disappointed in ourselves, and to feel like God must be disappointed, too.  I’ve felt that way.  But the truth is: he’s not.  God isn’t disappointed because he knew what he was getting into when he chose you.  He knew you’d struggle and stumble and mess up, and he loved you and chose you anyway.  In fact, Psalm 139:16 says that God saw every single day of your life before you’d lived any of them. 

So, if God isn’t disappointed in you, if God knew you were a sinner and chose you and loved you anyway, what does that suggest?  I think it suggests that the guilt and shame, no matter how spiritual they feel, aren’t coming from God.

If we turn to the Bible, we find out that’s 100% true.  Check this out:

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1, NIV)  See, guilt is a status.  It’s an attempt to tell you where you stand.  And what God is saying is that, no matter what, your status is safe in Jesus.  You’re on good terms with God, always, because of what Jesus did on the cross.

And that shame?  Shame is an attack on your identity.  It’s telling you that you’re just a nasty little worm.  And, dang, darling, God does NOT agree with that.  God says that you’re his *child* (1 John 3:1).  God says that you’re a precious treasure (Matthew 13:44).  Make no mistake, God is crazy about you.

Now, then, I don’t know who told you that you needed to make some sort of promise or deal or arrangement with God where you pledge to be “sexually pure”, but I have the sneaking suspicion that they didn’t bother to consult God on whether or not it was a good idea.  (Read Luke 11:46 to see how Jesus felt about people making up “extra stuff” for us to do to keep God happy.  (Preview: He was really, really not a fan.))

The truth is that we’re all sinners.  All of us.  Every single one.  (Including in our sexuality.)  Jesus said that if you lusted it was as sinful as committing adultery, and if you show me a person who’s never lusted, I’ll show you a person who’s struggling with lying.

So where do we go from here?  Wear that purity ring.  Wear it proudly.  But don’t wear it because your good behavior makes you pure.  It doesn’t.  Wear it because Jesus’ death on the cross makes you pure.  Wear it because God loved you so much that he paid every price and bore every burden so that he could lift you out of the mess of your life and save you and give you a new life in him and a purity and holiness that comes from him.  Wear it, and, whenever you see it on your finger, let it remind you that God took your mistakes and shortcomings and washed them away and made you pure as the driven snow (Isaiah 1:18).  Because that’s exactly what He has done.