cjlaroza asked you:
It’s difficult when you’re the only christian in your family. Sometimes, I share them my faith about Jesus. They’re listening but I feel like it’s not enough. God knows that it’s one of the most important things for me - the salvation of my family. Is it a sin to want that from God? Is it a sin to feel guilty about your salvation because you see your loved ones with their ruined lives and you can’t just do anything?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey sis,

Why would it be a sin to want your family to get saved?  I can tell you that, if it’s a sin, then God himself is a great big sinner.  Check it:

“The Lord doesn’t want anyone to be destroyed. Instead, he wants all people to turn away from their sins.” (2 Peter 3:9, NIRV)

Now, you know, of course, that God does not – and cannot – sin.  So, no, it isn’t a sin to want your family to be saved. 

Let’s look at your second question.

You asked if it was a sin to feel guilty about your salvation.  If you’ll permit me, let me ask a slightly different question: Is it OK to grieve when you see people hurting and refusing to change?

Sure it is.  Just look at Jesus. 

“When Jesus saw the crowds, he felt deep concern for them. They were beaten down and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”  (Matthew 9:36, NIRV)

That sounds a lot like Jesus experiencing grief over other peoples’ unnecessary suffering.

But, sis, I sense – and tell me if I’m wrong – that, maybe, there’s something else going on here.  That, just maybe, you feel like it’s your responsibility to get your family saved.  And that, if you just want it enough, it’ll happen. 

For what it’s worth, I totally understand.  When we’re dealing with people we love, and seeing them go through terrible – and avoidable – difficulties, we want more than anything to find the right words to make them stop it and just get right with Jesus already.

But that isn’t how life works. 

As I bet you know, God alone does the saving.  And it’s the Holy Spirit’s job to convict people of sin.  All you and I can do is try and plant some good seed.

The way we do that is by living a life that other people would want to have.  If you can dig it, I bet your family members already know that you want them to get saved.  Someday, they may reach a point where they’re ready to make a decision about them and Jesus.  In the meantime, I bet that part of what they’re wondering is: what does a “Christian life” actually look like?

So, show them a life defined by joy.  Show them a life ruled by peace, and purpose.  Show them a courage and compassion and faithfulness befitting a daughter of the King.  In other words, show them a life worth wanting.

You can do that.  Of course, it will require you to focus a bit more on you-and-God, and a bit less on them-and-God.  But the truth is, God was patient in bringing you to the point of salvation, and he has that same patience and love for them as well.

He’s got them, and he’s got you.  Give yourself permission to relax and focus on working things out between you and the Lord.  As you do that, you’ll be providing the greatest 24-7 evangelical presentation the world has ever seen.

Anonymous asked:
How do you ‘move on’ from a broken relationship?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey my friend,

Sometimes in life, there are answers that are simple, but not easy.  This is one of them.  How do you move on?  Simple – you move on.

Generally speaking, most of us know what it means to move on from a relationship.  In the case of a messed-up romantic relationship, that means leaving it completely behind.  Cutting off contact on Facebook and Twitter, etc.  Shipping anything of theirs that we still have back to them so they don’t have a reason to be in touch.  If it hasn’t happened, having a conversation with that person where we state – clearly and succinctly – “We are over.  I don’t want to talk further.  I don’t want to hang further.  There is no more us.  This is the end.”

But, as simple as that is to describe, it isn’t easy.  In fact, taking steps like that are terrifying, because, what if you’re wrong?  What if this is your last shot at love?  What if no one else will ever want you, ever again?  What if, deep down, they’re a really cool person, and you’re really just a jerk?

We’ve all had these thoughts.

When we’re dealing with a platonic relationship – say, with a family member – the details are different, but the principle is the same.  If it’s not something where we can or should completely cut contact, we set firm boundaries.  We make it clear what we will and will not put up with, and what the consequences are for violating those boundaries.  (Ex: “It’s not cool for you to be disrespectful about my faith.  When you do that, I’m going to get up and leave Thanksgiving dinner.”)   We spend as little time with that person as possible.  And we do so in a guarded way – we’re not revealing anything intimate about our lives.

But, again, what if you’re wrong?  What if family is the most important thing and you’re just terrible?  What if “they’re just loving you in their own way” and you’re too selfish to appreciate it?  What if?

Again, we’ve all experienced this line of thinking.

What we need here is courage – that little talked about Christian virtue.  Courage means walking forward in the face of fear.  It means saying to your doubts, “I can’t prove that you’re wrong, but I’m moving forward anyway.”  And it means one more thing: taking hold of something new.

The last part of moving on from a broken relationship is going out, and building new, and good relationships.

There exist in the world cool, kind-hearted people that would love to be a friend to you.  There exist Christians that would love to walk this life alongside you, and be a family to you.  And, yes, there exists a total hottie who loves Jesus, and would also love to date you.

The thing we need is to go find these people – at church, or Younglife, or school, or whatever – and strike up a conversation.  We need to be vulnerable enough to build new relationships.  To offer people the trust they earn, so that intimacy can grow.  To not hold the sins of our old, broken relations against the new friends we are meeting.

You can do that.  You can do this.  Pray up, and take that first step.  I believe in you.

strangest-child asked you:
Hey there! I would first want to say what an awesome job you are doing. Keep it up. I wanted to ask. How do you get completed by god. Without seeking something else to complete you? And how do you know when and how to ask for it?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey my friend,

Thanks for your kind words!

So, how do you get completed by God?  Well, now, that’s an interesting question.

The immediate Bible answer comes from the book of Philippians:

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 1:6, NIV)

Here, Paul is saying that God is at work inside of you, changing and shaping you, and that His work will reach it’s conclusion when we go to eternity to be with Jesus.

But, if we dig a bit deeper on your question, what I hear you asking is, “How do I get to a point where I don’t feel like I’m missing something?”  And that’s a great question.

The truth, my friend, is that we live in a fallen world.  Even when we start walking with Jesus, we still have a sinful nature inside of us, and things are always going to feel at least a little bit off.  We’re still going to experience a certain amount of loneliness, discouragement, and dissatisfaction.

As you hint at, a lot of folks turn to destructive things to deal with those feelings.  Sex, drugs, and popularity are the obvious ones, but academic success and work promotions are used just as often.  And none of them actually do the trick.

The key thing, when we feel incomplete, when we feel off, is to take that feeling to Jesus.  It turns out that Jesus understands what we’re going through, and wants to give us the strength we need in that moment.  Here’s what the Bible says:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15-16, NIV)

You asked about God completing you, and making you whole.  The truth is that he’s doing that – he’s at work on it right now – but it’s a process, and one that will take your whole life.  But you need peace, and grace, and joy, and strength along the way. 

You mentioned wondering about when to ask for what you need.  The answer is: right now.  Go ask for that peace and joy and strength to deal with feeling off.  He wants to give it to you.

holyhotnessbypvi asked:
Hi, Jed. I’d like to squeeze your brain grapes for a second. :-) How can I avoid ‘favoritism’ about whom I show agape love to? In other words, how do I force myself to love everyone equally? Thanks and God bless!

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Sis,

LOL!  Nicely done – I’ve been doing this blog a long time, and you’re the first person to ever actually reference that title!

So, the bad news is that you aren’t going to be able to show agape – selfless, unconditional, Godly – love to everyone in the whole world.  That just isn’t possible.  You aren’t Jesus, so, like me, you’re dealing with some significant limitations.

Given that you can’t show that love to everyone, everywhere, at all times, we’re going to have to choose who gets your time, attention, and love.  So, that means that the really important question is, how do we decide who gets it?

The best way to answer that question is to begin asking God for a burden.  That is, a weight of love on your heart that compels you to act, and one that is focused on a given group of people, or situation, or place.

Then, get into the motion of serving.  Try serving in a variety of situations – the local jail, the church nursery, the homeless shelter, the fifth-grade Sunday school class.  When you go to serve in a new situation, pay attention to what’s going on inside of you.  I’ll bet that, sooner or later, in one of these situations, it’ll feel a bit like a bell is ringing in your head.  Like there’s a sense of having come home.

Sink yourself into that situation.  Ask God to break your heart for those people, to fill your heart with the Love he has for them, to help you to see them from His perspective, to see their potential, and not just their problems.

Now, let’s come back to your original question.  The funny thing about favoritism is that it happens everywhere in life, and, 99% of the time, no one cares.  But there are certain situations – families being chief among them – where favoritism really wounds people, and badly.

If that’s a part of your experience, I’m really sorry.  Someday, you may have children of your own, and God does not want you to show favoritism there, and you won’t need to. He’ll make sure you have the energy to love each of your children well and equitably.

But don’t let the fact that some people practice inappropriate favoritism in some areas of their lives keep you from pursuing the calling that God has on your life.  This is, after all, an apples-to-oranges comparison.  

You asked how to force yourself to love everyone equally.  My answer is: Don’t.  Instead, ask God to show you your mission field, and then love those people extravagantly.

Anonymous asked:
Where’s the line between self-sacrifice and self-respect?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey my friend,

This is a great question.  If you’re open to it, let me rephrase it slightly.  I think what you’re asking is:

“How do I know when I’m giving of myself in a healthy, constructive way, versus when we’ve crossed the line into other people simply taking advantage of me?”

This is an important question for Christians to be clear on, because, unfortunately, there are a lot of churches and church groups out there that will run through that line at top speed, and hope no one notices.

I think there are three parts to your answer. 

1) “Is This Sustainable?”

Healthy living, and healthy service, are both, by definition, sustainable.  In other words, you can keep doing them for weeks and months and years.

So, the immediate test is to ask, “If this situation continued as-is for the next week or month or year, would it drive me into the ground?”

If you’re existing on 5 hours of sleep a night with no exercise, no time for yourself to relax, and chiefly eating the left-overs from the potluck dinner, then, no.  This is not sustainable.

2) “Would I Want To See A Friend In My Position?”

Christians often fall into the trap of being OK with things happening to themselves that they would never be OK with happening to anybody else.

So, if one of your friends was being treated the way you are, would you be ok with it?  If not, then you shouldn’t be ok with it for you, either.

3) “Is This What God Wants?”

We need to remind ourselves that God does have an actual will and plan for your life.  And that the fact that your church would like you to do something doesn’t mean that God wants you to do that thing.

It’s a very good idea to get into the habit of praying – and listening – to God about the service opportunities in your life.  And not just before you start them.  I’m talking continually, throughout.  Plenty of things start good and take a wrong turn along the way.

One final note.  It’s sad to say this, but, in general, you should not rely on a leader in your church or organization to cue you on when you’re doing too much.  Unfortunately, they’re just not going to do that.

No, you need to decide for yourself if something is healthy.  And have the courage to step away when it’s not.

God has your back.  And so do I.

Anonymous asked:
Where’s the line between self-sacrifice and self-respect? i’m still learning the whole thing between earning trust even as we freely give it. i got screwed over by a lot of church people the past 3 years over this issue. i felt like i was always manipulated to love = blind trust.

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey my friend,

I’m sorry you’ve been through a rough time.  It sucks, and it’s not OK that folks treated you the way they did.

Trust should never be “freely given”.  Ever.  Trust should only ever be earned.

Blind trust, at least as far as trust in other people goes, is not a Christian concept.  And anyone asking you to place blind trust, or unearned trust, in them is asking you to do something unchristian, and unwise.

Love, of course, is a gift.  And love should be freely given.  But trust is totally different.

Here’s what the Bible says:

“Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” (1 John 4:1, NIV)

Here, the Apostle John is commanding us to exercise something called discernment.  Discernment means observing and evaluating whether a given situation is jacked up or not.

In even more plain language, here’s that same verse from The Message:

“My dear friends, don’t believe everything you hear. Carefully weigh and examine what people tell you. Not everyone who talks about God comes from God. There are a lot of lying preachers loose in the world.”

In other words, John is saying – make people earn your trust.  Let them prove that they are Godly before you put them in that box in your head.

Here’s how that went down with Jesus:

“Now while [Jesus] was in Jerusalem…many people saw the signs he was performing and believed in his name. But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people.”

Think about that for a second.  Jesus is doing his thing, living his life, and he has people rolling up on him talking all, “Woohoo!  Jesus rulez!  He so awesome!!  Wooooo!”

And Jesus knew that, while it was lovely that they seemed to think he was great (at least for the moment), that didn’t mean it was wise to start trusting them. 

Well, so it is with you and I.  They fact that people roll up on us talking a good God-game doesn’t mean anything. Really, it’s just noise.

By contrast, real trust come in when people earn it.  That is to say, when people say one thing, and then live that thing out.

When a person says they believe in you, and then puts their time, money, and energy into helping you succeed – they are earning your trust.

When a person says they love you, and then puts your needs ahead of their own – they are earning your trust.

When Jesus says he forgives you, and then he climbs up on the cross – well, you see my point.

Let’s take a look at the first part of your question tomorrow.  But, for tonight, remember that trust is earned.  And that people following in Jesus’ example should never have a problem with that – because our Savior put his words into action.

Anonymous asked:
How can I prepare to be a man of God?

Jed replied:

Hey my friend,

So, yesterday, we looked at what a “man of God” is.  Let’s look today at how we get there.

A man or woman of God is involved in doing ministry to other people.  And, when we say “ministry”, what we mean is helping people move past the problems that are holding them back from a closer relationship with God.

We should note that this is a different thing entirely from dispensing Bible knowledge.  An example may be in order.

If you struggle with anger, and I tell you that “Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (James 1:20), I’m not actually helping you move past your anger problem.  I’m just dispensing Bible knowledge.  (Plus, you probably already know that unchecked anger causes problems.)

By contrast, if I talk with you one-on-one, and help you get in touch with the injustices that have occurred in your life (which have helped to create a reservoir of anger within you), and then help you to understand – from the Bible – how God feels about injustice and the way you’ve been treated, that his anger burns against the cruelty you’ve endured…now we’re starting to get somewhere.  We’re beginning to take steps towards letting that old anger go.

What this might suggest to you is that ministry is not something you learn how to do from a book.  It’s something you learn by doing, and, ideally, learn as a craft from someone with some real expertise.

So, that’s part 1 of preparing to be a man or woman of God.  You want to find someone who is doing effective ministry, and get them to teach you (by example) how to minister to other human beings.

Part 2 is to develop your own relationship with God where you talk honestly, and listen intently.

Prayer is meant to be a two-way conversation.  But, for many Christians, it is, at best, a one-way conversation, and, often, a one-way, fairly dishonest pronouncement.

Challenge yourself to have a scandalously honest prayer life.  Get rid of words like “blessed”, “anointed”, “heavenly”, and “gracious”.  Instead, sit down and talk with God like he was an actual person – like a friend.  (See Exodus 33:11 and John 15:15.)

If you’re struggling with lust, tell God that you desperately want to have sex and it’s killing you not to.  If you’re struggling with depression, tell God that you hate everything and you’re mad at Him for not fixing it right now.

Stop trying to be right in prayer, and focus instead on being real.  The bad attitudes you have in your heart (we all do) are already known to God, so pretending not to have them when you pray is pointless.  Instead, tell God about your bad attitudes.

Talk it out.  Pour your heart out to God – your rough, angry, lustful, depressed heart.   He loves you, even with your problems.

And then, begin to listen.  Ask God how he sees you.  Read that Bible and look for the answer, and decide it’s talking about you.  Then, go further.  Learn to be still in prayer and listen for the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit.  Be open to his leading – God has specific plan for your life, after all.

If you learn the craft of ministering to other people, and you develop an intimate, authentic, honest relationship with God where you are both sharing and listening, you will find that you have become a man of God.

“The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, ‘Samuel! Samuel!’
Then Samuel said, ‘Speak, for your servant is listening.’” (1 Samuel 3:10, NIV)

Take the time to read this and pass it on.  Fo, lo, it is awesome sauce.

unkaglen:

Anonymous asked: I have a friend struggling with lust and masturbation. He is a Christian and is aware that it is a sin but he told me he sometimes couldn’t help it. What could be a good and practical solution for this?

Unka Glen answered: Ah, the friend, yes. How about this for a…

thebridgechicago:

“Nothing But The Blood of Jesus”, the classic hymn, is the special music track from this month’s Bridge Box. Sung by the lovely and talented Christy Younger (wife of Say That cohost and super-blogger Lee Younger).

Get songs, sermons, studies, videos and more to help fuel your walk for only $8/month, which goes to support missions in Chicago. Sign up at missionusa.com/bridgebox.

The Princess Bride is one of the greatest movies ever made.  Seriously.

In the movie, at one point, the Dread Pirate Roberts say, “Life is pain, Highness, and anyone who says differently is selling something.”

Wow.  Talk about cynical, and fatalistic - and totally true.

As Christians, I think we might be tempted to look at that statement – life is pain – and dismiss it as the angry ranting of a hopeless man.  Except, it turns out, Jesus seems to agree.

In John 16:33, Jesus says something incredibly shocking, something that turns “religion” upside down:

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

In other words, Jesus is saying that your life – and mine – is going to involve pain, difficulty, and hardship.  But that there is a greater reality than that.  That our pain is not the last word in our lives.

If you look at the self-help section at your bookstore, or the religion section, what you almost always find is the claim: “do these things, and your life will be easy.“ They are, in a literal sense, selling something.

Sometimes, you find a more honest claim…”Do these things, and the pain won’t be able to get to you anymore.”  It’s more realistic, but they’re still selling something, it just happens to be numbness.

But Jesus makes this audacious claim that pain will be a part of our lives, and we don’t have to hide from it, try to bribe it, or numb ourselves against it.  That he is bigger than the pain.

In Romans 8:18, the Apostle Paul says that God wants to make a bet with you:

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

Paul is saying, when you see what God makes out of your life – the painful parts included – you’ll never regret the difficulties.  You’ll know that it was worth it.

That’s an amazing boast.  It seems cavalier, arrogant, even foolish.  But Paul knew what he was talking about.  He suffered in ways most of us never will, and he knew his bet was solid.  He had seen God be bigger than the pain.

God wants to show you that in your own life.  That you don’t have to hide from difficulty, run away from it, or numb yourself.  If you’ll hold his hand in the midst of the hard times, and keep on walking, he’ll lead you to a place so beautiful that the pain will be ashamed of itself for ever trying to have kept you down.  You will see, with your own eyes, that though you had trouble, Jesus was always bigger.