Hi Jed I love your blog! I’ll get straight into it. I’m struggling with a love/hate feeling towards God. My mum has been diagnosed with a brain tumour and is having surgery next week & I’m honestly feeling very angry with Him. I don’t understand why He would do this. I prayed and basically begged that she be ok but now it’s grown and she has to have brain surgery. I feel like He abandoned me when I cried for help and I’m worried He will do it again and she won’t survive. Help please..
Jed Brewer replied:
I am so sorry. I’m so sorry for your pain. I’m so sorry that your Mom is going through this. And I’m so sorry for the sense of abandonment that you are very understandably feeling.
If we lived near you, my wife and I would love nothing more than to just give you a great big hug and sit and cry with you and bring over a casserole.
The truth is, I can’t tell you why God allows terrible things to happen. As a friend says, I don’t get invited to those meetings. I can tell you about how God brings – when we let him – the best of things out of the worst of things. I can tell you that God uses our lowest points to shape us into the people we were always meant to be. But I can’t tell you why he uses suffering, and not something else.
But I can tell you that Jesus went first. And he understands. He knows what it is to have a loved one be sick. And he knows what it is to have a loved one die. And he knows what it is to cry bitter tears about it. (You can read the story in John 11.)
For me, I take comfort in knowing that Jesus chose to go through what I have to go through, because he loves me. And Jesus experienced something awesome – anger. When Jesus saw his friends weeping, he felt anger. I think he was angry at all the suffering and pain and misery in this world. He was angry, and then he cried.
I love the fact that Jesus got angry. Because this world makes me angry, too. It’s terrible suffering and hateful indifference are wicked things. And my savior got angry, and then he made it right.
Jesus is in the process of making the wrong things right. All of them. Every terrible thing that has ever happened, he is, even now, in the process of making it right again. I don’t know how. And I know I’ll only see the full picture in eternity, but I know my savior is making it right. I know he’s preparing a place for me where there’s no more suffering or pain, where he himself wipes every tear from my eye. (Revelation 21:4)
This brings us back to you. God has not abandoned you, my friend. But it certainly feels like he has. And He gets that. He understands how you feel. And he cries with you; I promise.
So what do you do? I tell you what I’d do. I’d pour my heart out to him. I’d vent all my anger and frustration out to him. I’d yell and scream till I was hoarse and then I’d cry. And then, when I had nothing left to say, I’d be still, and let my Father whisper to me, “I understand. I love you, I understand, and this, too, I am going to make right.”