Take the time to read this and pass it on.  Fo, lo, it is awesome sauce.

unkaglen:

Anonymous asked: I have a friend struggling with lust and masturbation. He is a Christian and is aware that it is a sin but he told me he sometimes couldn’t help it. What could be a good and practical solution for this?

Unka Glen answered: Ah, the friend, yes. How about this for a…

The Princess Bride is one of the greatest movies ever made.  Seriously.

In the movie, at one point, the Dread Pirate Roberts say, “Life is pain, Highness, and anyone who says differently is selling something.”

Wow.  Talk about cynical, and fatalistic - and totally true.

As Christians, I think we might be tempted to look at that statement – life is pain – and dismiss it as the angry ranting of a hopeless man.  Except, it turns out, Jesus seems to agree.

In John 16:33, Jesus says something incredibly shocking, something that turns “religion” upside down:

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

In other words, Jesus is saying that your life – and mine – is going to involve pain, difficulty, and hardship.  But that there is a greater reality than that.  That our pain is not the last word in our lives.

If you look at the self-help section at your bookstore, or the religion section, what you almost always find is the claim: “do these things, and your life will be easy.“ They are, in a literal sense, selling something.

Sometimes, you find a more honest claim…”Do these things, and the pain won’t be able to get to you anymore.”  It’s more realistic, but they’re still selling something, it just happens to be numbness.

But Jesus makes this audacious claim that pain will be a part of our lives, and we don’t have to hide from it, try to bribe it, or numb ourselves against it.  That he is bigger than the pain.

In Romans 8:18, the Apostle Paul says that God wants to make a bet with you:

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

Paul is saying, when you see what God makes out of your life – the painful parts included – you’ll never regret the difficulties.  You’ll know that it was worth it.

That’s an amazing boast.  It seems cavalier, arrogant, even foolish.  But Paul knew what he was talking about.  He suffered in ways most of us never will, and he knew his bet was solid.  He had seen God be bigger than the pain.

God wants to show you that in your own life.  That you don’t have to hide from difficulty, run away from it, or numb yourself.  If you’ll hold his hand in the midst of the hard times, and keep on walking, he’ll lead you to a place so beautiful that the pain will be ashamed of itself for ever trying to have kept you down.  You will see, with your own eyes, that though you had trouble, Jesus was always bigger.

I think it’s part of the natural response to hearing about injustice to wish you could have been there, to wish you could have done something to stop it.  To think, “If I had been there, things would be different.”

We all feel that way.  A desire to make the wrong things right, to stand up to that injustice.  Former President George Bush once listened to a report about the genocide in Rwanda, and wrote in his notes, “Not on my watch.”

But the thing about tragedies is, it seems we’re never around for them.  We only hear about them after the fact, in news reports and tumblr posts and Sunday sermons.  And no matter how much we wish we could go back in time and wrestle the weapon from a murderer’s hands, we can’t.  Because time doesn’t work that way.

And, so, again and again, we’re powerless, wishing we had been there. That we could have done something.

But the truth is, there are injustices going on – right in front of you – all the time.  You just have to learn to see them. It’s a crazy thing, but, whatever strikes you as commonplace also strikes you, on some level, as OK.  That’s true for all of us, and it’s how injustice devolves into tragedy.

You know the kid at school that everyone either ignores or calls names?  That is a terrible injustice.  And you are there.  Do something about it.  Make it different.  Stand up for him.  Stand with him.  Be an advocate for him.  Be a friend to him.  Stand.

You know the families in your town that put their children to bed hungry at night? Trust me, there are many of them.  And that is a terrible injustice.  So act.  Go volunteer at the local food pantry.  Convince your youth group to throw a car wash and give the money to those in need.  Talk to your pastor about hosting a community dinner at your church every month.  You are there, and something tragic is happening.  Wrestle that injustice to the ground.

This is your moment.  Everyone wants to have a moment, to stand tall, a man apart, and act, and make the wrong things right.  This is that moment for you.  I know this, because, in fact, that moment comes for each person, every day. 

So stand, beloved.  Stand and act.  You can’t change the terrible things that have occurred in human history.  But you can change what happens today.  You can change what happens in a way that will echo for all eternity.  You can change this world.  You are here; make it different.

Memory is a funny and unreliable thing.  And that’s true for every one of us. 

When we get into a situation where we’re afraid, we tend to suddenly forget all the times that we were afraid before, and everything ended up working out ok.  The only thing that comes to mind in the moment is all the ways our current situation could go wrong.

I bet you can remember a time in your life when you were discouraged, sad, afraid – where you felt like everything was going to crash down on top of you.  And then, God came through for you. 

I can remember plenty of times like that.

But, when I’ve got a new challenge, or struggle, or tough situation before me, I tend to forget all those times.  It’s almost like there’s a fella with horns and a tail that doesn’t want me to remember those times.  Because, if I start thinking about how God has come through for me again and again in the past, then I don’t really need to be afraid this time.

So, what do we do?  Here’s what I think.

When you’re in a situation where you’re facing something tough, and you’re feeling afraid, and beat down, and you’re wondering how you’ll make it through, hit pause for a second.

Leave the fear in your bedroom, and go for a walk.  And, as you walk, remind yourself of all the times God’s come through for you before.  Remind yourself of the things you were scared of, and how he protected you.  Remind yourself of the sudden, surprise blessings that he brought into your life when you least expected.  Remind yourself that He’s good, and that he loves you.

Then, go back to your bedroom, and tell God about what you’re up against this time.  And thank Him for all the times he’s come through for you in the past, and ask him to protect you and watch over you this time, just like he always has. 

Ask him to carry the fear for you, to take it off of your tiny shoulders, and place it on his great big ones.  Then take a deep breath, and say “Amen.”

“You may say to yourselves, “These nations are stronger than we are. How can we drive them out?” But do not be afraid of them; remember well what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt.  You saw with your own eyes the great trials, the miraculous signs and wonders, the mighty hand and outstretched arm, with which the Lord your God brought you out. The Lord your God will do the same to all the peoples you now fear.” (Deuteronomy 7:17-19, NIV)

I think that a lot of Christians are afraid of their own desires.  They’ve heard enough tough sermons – and read enough tough Christian books – that they’ve gotten the idea in their heads, “If I want it, it must be wrong.”

But lets take a step back for a second.  Jesus said that if anyone wanted to enter the Kingdom of God, they needed to do it the way a little child would. (Matthew 18:3)

One of the awesome things about little children is the complete lack of self-censorship.  They don’t stop and think whether or not the thing they want is safe, or appropriate, or feasible, or affordable.  They just want it.  And Mom and Dad are going to hear about it.

Good parents don’t mind that.  They understand that it’s their job to know more than their child, to filter out the good ideas from the bad, and to see the legitimate desire hiding underneath the silly parts.

So, for example, when little Sarah says she wants to own a hundred pets, even though the tiny house her family lives in couldn’t support a dog, much less Sarah’s menagerie, her parents know what to do with that.  Sarah is saying that she loves animals.  And that she wants to be around animals. And enjoy animals.  And did I mention that I really really really like animals a lot?

So, Sarah’s parents take her to a petting zoo, and she is one happy little girl.

But, now, if Sarah tried to be the parent, and figure out whether it was ok for her to want 100 pets, she wouldn’t have expressed her desire, and her parents wouldn’t have been able to know to take her to the petting zoo.  But, fortunately, self-censorship isn’t Sarah’s job.  Her job is to share her heart with her Mom and Dad, and let them figure out what to do with it.

And so it is with us and God.  In every single thing that you and I want, there are weird, confused, and wrong motivations.  There are uncool attitudes.  There are bad ideas.  And God knows that, and we know that.  But – and this is really important – often times, you and I aren’t clear on which parts are actually messed up. 

That’s why the righteous thing is to simply go to God and share our hearts.  To tell him what we want, and let him be the grown-up, the parent, the one-who-knows.  God isn’t afraid of us asking him for a hundred pets, and he’s the kind of gracious Father who’s happy to show us that what we really want is a trip to the petting zoo.

Take 10 minutes today to sit down with God and just tell him what you want.  Don’t try to censor yourself or figure out which parts are crazy or selfish.  Just tell him, and ask for wisdom on what to do with those desires.  He cares about every detail, and he wants to give good gifts to his child – to you.

“Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?” (Matthew 7:7-11, MSG)

Anonymous asked you:
I’ve always believed that patience is key and God is preparing me and the man of God I should be with but what happens when patience runs out and life makes me want to give up on ever being with someone. I know people say that you should enjoy single life but what happens when the loneliness, dejection and desperation start to seep in? Thanks Jed :)

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey my friend,

Thank you for your question.  Loneliness is a terrible weight to carry around.  And I’m sorry it’s pressing down on you right now. 

For what it’s worth, it makes sense.  You feel a longing inside of you to share your life with another person, to a have a flesh-and-blood friend and companion and lover and partner, and all the pretty spiritual maxims in the world don’t make the absence of that person any easier.

Loneliness makes sense.

But, now, desperation, that’s another thing entirely.  Desperation says that this thing will probably never happen, and you’re a fool to believe otherwise.  Probably there’s nobody for you.  Probably you will live and die alone. 

This is a lie.

It’s a lie, because, if you want “somebody”, you can have that today.  Seriously.  Where you live, there are bars and clubs where people are going to find “somebody”, and they will.  They will meet, hang out, have sex, and have some form of relationship.  And you can do that, too.  Now, it isn’t a good idea – because it doesn’t work – but you can do that.

I mention this because the realization that you have a choice changes the nature of your singleness.  If you are single because no one will have you, because you don’t have any options, it’s very easy to begin to believe that you are a pathetic and pitiable creature.  And, should some schmuck come along and express an interest, it only makes sense that you would leap at that option – and cling to it – as though your life depended on it.

But, if you have the option of the cheap hook-up, and you’re choosing otherwise, then we’re looking at something else entirely.  If you can go have a mediocre, unsatisfying relationship, and you are actively choosing to wait for something better, that’s a very different position to be in than single-because-no-one-will-have-me.

First, if you’re single-by-choice, we can accept our loneliness without being afraid of it or feeling like it says something negative about us.  I think many single people feel ashamed of their loneliness, that it is in some way a sign of a deficiency on their part.  But you, brave sister, don’t need to feel that way at all.  You have a desire for a specific kind of relationship – one that has not yet come to pass.  The only right emotional response to that reality is a certain measure of loneliness.  (God himself said, “it is not good for man to be alone.”)

Second, if you’re single-by-choice, that means you’re in the driver’s seat in your life.  Which you should be.  A man or woman of God takes control of their life so that the can in turn give that control over to God.  A man or woman of God acts – they don’t react.

And, if you’re in control of your life, then you can – and should – make some active decisions that will move you in the direction of the relationship God does want for you.  Part of that means working on yourself.  Building your relationship with God.  Working on overcoming insecurities and hangups.

Part of it also means beginning to casually date members of the opposite sex so that you can begin to get a better idea of the kind of person you are ultimately looking for.  This is important.

And part of it means putting yourself where the kind of Christian man you’ll discover you want would be.  I can give you a preview of coming attractions.  You want a man who is strong, faithful, confident, kind, compassionate, and able.  Unfortunately, you are not likely to meet a man like that in most churches.

You are far more likely to meet a man like that volunteering at the jailhouse, or the AIDS hospice, or the homeless shelter.  So go to those places.  Get involved.  Volunteer.  And look around to see who else is serving with you.

You are no fool to wait for God’s best, sister.  Now, take the next step in that process, and start looking at what the steps before you are towards recognizing and meeting God’s best.

Last time, we talked about figuring out what a sinful habit was giving you – a sense of calm, or release or identity.  We talked about taking a look at how Jesus feels about those desires.  Does he want you to have calm?  Does he want you to be unburdened?  Does he want you to like who you see in the mirror?  Absolutely.

So, then, what’s before us is asking: how does Jesus want to give me these things, and what’s my role in receiving them?

For today, let’s just look at identity. 

A lot of folks look to their bad habits to help set them apart from everybody else.  If you think about it, plenty of kids in middle school begin smoking because that’s what the “bad kids” do, and who wants to be a goodie-two-shoes?  To put it another way, a loose definition of “cool” is “set apart from the common crowd”, and who hasn’t wanted to be cool?

But, the thing is, lifestyle habits – good or bad – can’t give you an identity.  Yes, Bob Marley smoked a lot of weed, and he wrote some amazing music.  But Jay of Jay-and-Silent-Bob also smoked plenty of reefer, and he was decidedly less cool.  See what I mean?

As it turns out, identity – truly – exists in reference to relationships.  Think of the way you would describe the people in your life.  “My friend.  My Dad.  My teacher.  My classmate.” All of these are a way of describing, “who these people are to you.”

This is important because identity is a two-way street.  Other people see you in reference to who-you-are-to-them.  That’s even true of God.  God sees you as his child, his beloved, the one that he wants.  Note that each of those identities are, again, in reference to the nature of your relationship with God.

Here’s why all of this matters.  Your identity in the world, with other people, is going to come down to who you are to them.  It’s easy for us to think that our nice car, or designer clothes, or fashionable drug use makes us special and unique and noteworthy.  But those things are only ever accessories.  Your dog is still your dog, even on a Gucci leash.

If you want to be different, then be different.  Be a different kind of person in the lives of the people around you.  Be the person that always accepts them and never judges them.  Be the person that is prepared to drive to Iowa in the middle of the night to pick them up when their car breaks down.  Be the person that sits and cries with them when their marriage ends.  Be the person that refuses to give up on them, even when they’ve given up on themselves.

The Bible has a term for this kind of person – an ambassador of Christ (2 Cor 5:20).  That is who you are called to be.  That is who you are meant to be.  And, make no mistake, nothing could be more different, more special, or more uncommon.

If you sink yourself into that life, and embrace that identity – being God’s hands-and-feet to a hurting world – I bet you’ll begin to find that the need to be cool starts to die.  And when the need to be cool dies out, its accoutrements go with it.

You have an amazing life waiting for you – go forth and live it.

thebridgechicago:

A Heavy Rock version of a Jed Brewer worship song written for motorcycle gang members called “You Always Have My Back” about how Jesus is always there for us even when we think He should be angry with us.

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Whenever we’re looking to make a tough lifestyle change, we want to start with some good old-fashioned research.

And what exactly are we researching?  Good question.  We’re studying what this sinful thing is giving us.

See, people sin for a reason.  They’re getting something out of it.  Sure, it ultimately can’t satisfy them, and it comes with all kinds of consequences, and it’s hurting them.  Yes, of course.  But, still, they’re getting some kind of something out of the deal, or they wouldn’t be doing it.

Let’s look at an example.  Say you’ve got a guy struggling with an anger problem.  He loses his temper and blows up at people.  Now, we can easily see that this is hurting the guy – nobody likes a rageaholic.  And we can see that it’s doomed…folks who spazz out tend to lose jobs and relationships.  So, why is dude hanging on to the rage?

Easy.  It feels good to lose your temper.  You feel strong.  You feel powerful.  You feel free and in control.  And, if we go deeper, we might see that that moment lets our poor brother feel like he’s fighting back against all the injustice and inequity in his life – even though all he’s really doing is cussing out the gas station attendant.

Make sense?  Sure.  So, let’s look at weed.  I bet you feel like you’re getting a few different things out of weed.  First, I bet it feels like it helps you relax.  Makes sense.  I suspect that you feel less worried and concerned about life when you take a hit – and that’s the whole point.  But, beyond those things, I wonder if smoking weed doesn’t allow you to feel different from all the normies that drive their Prius to work and listen to Coldplay.  Like maybe you’re cool, and get it in a way that the folks at Starbucks don’t.  Maybe smoking weed is a part of the identity that you want to be true about yourself.

Now, if any of those things are true for you, then our research phase has been successful.  Because, the next step is to ask, “How does Jesus feel about those desires?”

Let’s take a look.  Does Jesus want you to relax?  You betcha (Matthew 11:28).  Does Jesus want you to be unburdened by worry?  No question (Matthew 6:34).  Does Jesus want you to have a unique identity in Him – one that’s cool in a way no one else can be?  Absolutely (Galatians 5:25-26, MSG).  Does Jesus think you’re special?  Beloved, you have no idea.

So, then, since we know that Jesus cares about all the stuff we do, and wants it for us, the last thing we want to look at is this: What is Jesus’ plan to hook all of that up?

I’m glad you asked.  Come back soon for Part 3.

thebridgechicago:

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