shinebright88 asked you:
Hey Jed! First of all, I LOVE your blog. It always covers a topic that I’m wondering about. 10 months ago, I realized that I had more than friends” feelings for my best guy friend. Since then, i’ve gone through a thousand different emotions. He hasn’t made any comments about it, so i assume he just wants to be friends. He’s the most Godly man I know, and I admire him a lot. He puts his relationship with God above everything else, and I don’t want to be “that girl” who messes that up. Any advice?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Sis,

Thanks so much for the kind words on the blog!

My sister, I think you should go read the book of Ruth.  She was a Godly woman who set her eyes on a Godly man and decided it was go time.  And she wasn’t subtle about it.  And it worked.  And it was awesome.  And she became Jesus’ great-great-great-great Grandma.

I think you may need to pull a Ruth.  Your friend’s a Godly dude.  And that’s what you dig about him.  Awesome.  The only problem is that you say, “He hasn’t made any comments…so I assume he just wants to be friends.” 

Here’s the thing: I am a dude.  And on behalf of dude’s everywhere, we are really, REALLY thick-headed.  I mean, dang.  Subtlety is lost on us.  Like you wouldn’t believe.  We need people – and especially ladies – to be shockingly direct, or we just will not get it.

So gather your courage, and be direct.  Do what Ruth did.  I have a hunch you’ll like the results a whole lot.

The Verse!

Joshua 1:9
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

What do we know?

• We may feel alone, isolated, outnumbered, but we are not.  Ever.
• Courage – and the refusal to give into fear or timidity – is not a good idea.  It’s a commandment.  That makes cowardice a sin.
• Real strength and courage come from God, but getting them involves a choice on our part.  We choose to take a hold of them, to receive them from God and start using them.
• In the same way, giving into fear, giving into timidity, and giving into discouragement are a choice.  We all feel fear and discouragement whether we want to or not, but letting them be in charge is a choice we don’t want to make.
• God isn’t telling us this stuff as a tough-guy football coach who’s yelling at us from the sidelines.  No, He’s saying we don’t have to be afraid precisely because he’s right there with us – in the chaos – every step of the way.

A bit of context!

• When God says this verse to Joshua, he’s in the midst of asking Joshua to do something impossible: go into a foreign land filled with angry, violent people, and just take over. 
• The phrase “Be strong and courageous” has already occurred twice before we get to this verse!  God seems to think this is an important idea!
• If we skip to Joshua 6 (The Battle of Jericho), we find God making good on his promise to be with Joshua, and to do the impossible.

So what now?

Take 5 minutes today to go for a walk, have a cup of coffee, and think about this verse.  Daydream with God: if God can do the impossible, what impossible things might he want to do through your life?  Be honest: what are the things that get you wound up on fear and discouragement?  Ask for wisdom: how would you confront those problems if you knew God was standing right by your side?  Finally, ask for courage and strength to do just that.

The Verse!

Philippians 1:6

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

What do we know?

• This Christian thing was all God’s idea.  He started it.
• He’s the one who’s gonna finish it.  It’s his strength that makes this walk go, not you beating up on yourself.
• It’s going to be finished.  He won’t give up on you or abandon you halfway, no matter what.
• There is a day when Jesus is coming back, and every wrong thing is going to be set right.

So what now?

Take 5 minutes today to go for a walk, drink a cup of coffee, and think about this verse.  Then, ask God to give you the faith to trust in his work in you, and the courage to relax.

One of the most common – and most beautiful – attributes amongst Christian ladies is a desire to nurture.  A desire to comfort, and encourage, and serve.

In the right context, this is an amazing, Godly aim.  In the wrong context, it will really mess you up.

What tends to happen for a lot of Christian gals is that they see a guy who is – and this is a theological phrase – a wounded puppy.  He’s sad and discouraged and probably wants something spiritual in his life but isn’t sure how that would work for him and aw shucks and who’s-to-say.  And, for these Christian gals, that desire to nurture kicks in.  Problem is, it quickly transitions to a desire to date said wounded puppy.  And this will not work.

There’s a line from an old poem that says, “None but the brave deserve the fair.”  Ladies, I want you to emblazon this on your subconscious minds.  None but the brave deserve the fair.

Why do I say this?  Because a Christian woman deserves to be with a Godly man.  Not a boy, not a teenager, not an adolescent.  A man.

And, make no mistake, being a man isn’t about chronological age.  It’s about personal and spiritual maturity.  Here are some benchmarks to consider:

-       A man is not looking for and does not need you to fix him.  He’s already working things out with the Lord – just the two of them.

-       A man knows where he stands spiritually.

-       A man is confident in who he is and what he brings to the table.

-       A man has the humility to know what his weaknesses, limitations, and growing-edges are, and is addressing them.

-       A man knows where he’s going in life – following the Lord – and isn’t willing to get off course for you or anyone else.

So, then, what does that look like lived out?

-       A man will meet you and spend some time getting to know you.  He will pray for you and about you, and seek counsel from people farther along in the Lord than himself.  He will not rush into anything.  When he has a firm word from the Lord that this is a relationship from the Lord – and not before – he will move forward.

-       He will summon the courage to ask you out on a date.  He will not hem and haw, he will not say, “hey, maybe we should hang out, you know, sometime.”  He will say, “I’d like to take you out for dinner.  On a date.  What do you say?”

-       He will tell you how he feels about you.  And I’m not talking, “So, you seem cool, and, yeah, it’s cool to hang out.”  I’m talking, “You need to know that I’m crazy about you.  I admire the heart you have for the Lord and the lost.  I respect your walk.  I value your authenticity.  And I think you’re hot as all get out.  If that doesn’t work for you, I understand, but you should know where I’m coming from.”

-       A man will insist that both of you go to the Lord and ask for wisdom on what the Lord wants the physical boundaries to be for this relationship.

-       A man will then insist that those boundaries are followed whether you like it or not.  And if you start to get out of pocket, he will say, “Darling, don’t try and start something I won’t let you finish.” And he will mean it.

Everything I’ve just described requires courage.  It requires bravery.  It takes a man to pull it off.

And if there’s a dude out there that can’t man up, then he doesn’t deserve you.  God does not want you to settle, and trust me, you don’t need to.

Remember, sisters: None but the brave deserve the fair.