The Squeezings of my Brain Grapes.
I’m A Girl, and I Might Be Attracted To Other Girls. What Do I Do?

Anonymous asked:
Hey Jed! So I’m writing this message at 3 am. I’m so confused about life, God, etc. it hurts because I KNOW God loves me. The thing is, I may be attracted to women as I do men. I felt this way for as long as I can remember although it never really bothered me. I’m a shy person but at times, around my close friends, I’m funny and outgoing. Recently though it hit me hard. My words are scrambled and I’m really starting to lose focus on Jesus, my Savior.. I don’t know what to do Mr. Jed, I’ve also have been watching porn as well and I just really need God more than ever..

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey sis,

Thanks for your note. 

It sounds to me a little bit like you’re freaking yourself out.  Like you’re letting a lot of disconnected details try and tell you a big fat lie about your life.  For what it’s worth, sometimes, I do that, too.  And it’s no fun at all.

So, you may be attracted to women, too.  Ok.  Well, what do we do with that?  Simple: take it to God, and tell him what the deal is.

Like you say, there’s been an element of that attraction within you for a long time, and we don’t know exactly where it comes from.  That doesn’t leave you with anything to feel bad about, sis.  You didn’t decide to be “naughty”; you’re just trying to live your life, which is what all of us are trying to do.

The key is to take it to God.  Tell him, “God, I’m attracted to women.  I’m not quite sure what to do with that.  But I know you’re not looking down on me in the midst of that.  I need you to give me peace about where I’m at today, and wisdom on where to go with this tomorrow.”

To avoid any trollish responses to this post, allow me to note that, no, same-gender sexual intercourse is not a right thing.  There.  Now, then, let’s review where you’re at:

  • You like looking at porn.  This is totally normal.  (Yes, it’s naughty.  We’re all clear on that.)  As it turns out, everybody likes looking at naked bodies. 
  • You’re somewhat attracted to folks of the same gender.  OK.  That’s true for a lot of people.  (The numbers vary a bit, but folks who experience same-gender sexual attraction are about 1-in-10.  That’s about the same percentage of people who are left-handed.)
  • You feel freaked out.  Well, dang, sis, that’s true for a whole lot of people, and just about every young person on the planet.

None of the above makes you a freak, or a weirdo, or a super-sinner.  It makes you a normal person with sexual desires who’s trying to figure out how to live and follow Jesus.  And that’s no easy thing.

God is not looking down on you.  I promise.  And, more than that, he’d love to talk about your sex life, who you find attractive, where that’s coming from, and where he wants to see it go.  In other words, God has a whole lot more to say on the subject of your sex life than “just don’t.”

I’d encourage you, in your prayer life, to start being completely honest with God about how you’re feeling, who you’re attracted to, and how you feel about that attraction.  And then I’d encourage you to memorize this verse, and claim it as true for yourself:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15)

God gets it, sis.  He understands.  More than you do.  He understands, and he’s not looking down on you.  He wants you to share your heart with him.  And he wants to give you wisdom on where your desires are coming from.  And he wants to guide you into a life where you are truly satisfied.  I promise.

I Just Can’t Believe In Jesus

Anonymous asked:
I believe and trust in God but I cannot seem to believe in Jesus. I try repeatedly to read the Bible and accept Jesus as my savior but I just can’t seem to get it. I can’t believe the stories that are told in there. Also, I don’t agree with the whole homosexuality is a sin thing. I believe that God loves all of his children and should be accepted. Will God not love me because I can’t find belief in Jesus?

Jed Brewer replied:

I dig your honesty, and you’ve got a good heart.  And I can relate.

Look, let’s speak plainly for a second: there are an enormous number of people who call themselves Christians and act like complete idiots.

Growing up, “Christians” made my life miserable.  They told me I was evil to be into what I was into.  They told me God was ashamed of me.  They told me I didn’t belong. 

And I believed them.  For a long time, I believed them.

And, of course, they used Jesus to make me afraid.  His words were the proof of how bad I sucked, how terribly I didn’t measure up.

Until, one day, I realized that Jesus was talking about them.  Here are some examples:

“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.”  (Matthew 18:6)

“Jesus replied, ‘And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.’” (Luke 11:46)

“For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:20)

Anon, to boil it down, here’s what Jesus is saying, “Holy cow do a lot of you religious people suck!”

And here’s the thing: you agree.  And so do I.

When you start a relationship with somebody, you don’t need to be on the same page about everything.  You actually can’t be – that’s not how relationships work.  You start out with some point in common, and you go from there.

You think a lot of religious people suck.  So does Jesus.  You think religious people treat folks in the LGBTQ community shamefully.  So does Jesus.  You think love, mercy, and acceptance are beautiful.  And so does Jesus.

So, if you’re wanting to develop a relationship with Jesus, start there.  Guaranteed: you will reach points where the two of you don’t agree.  Jesus has that effect on all of us.  But don’t worry about that.  Start where you agree.  Start reading what Jesus said to the fancy religious people of his day, and see how much that resonates with your own feelings.  Start reading what Jesus said about justice and mercy and compassion, and see if you don’t feel the same way. 

He’s not scared of your doubts, and he’s impressed with your heart and your honesty.  And I think the two of you would love hanging out together.

What Does God Think Of Me Being Transgendered?

Anonymous asked:
Hi Jed. I am a 19 yr old female to male transgender. Lately, I’ve been feeling hurt and lost. I feel like I’ve assaulted God for changing into the person I desire to be instead of living the way He made me. Someone told me I should trust in God and stop living this way and God will bless me, but the thing is.. I don’t want to stop living this way. I know that homosexuality is a sin which is why I’m choosing to remain single.  Right now, I’m certain that I don’t want to go back [to my old gender]. I am happy with the way things are.. with society, religion going on today.. I feel ashame for what I’ve done.  I’ve mess with God and played Him. I’ve asked the Lord what he wants me to do but I have not got an answer. Can I continue to live this way and love the Lord? [Edited for length and content.]

Jed Brewer replied:

My friend,

Thanks for your question, and for trusting me with your story.

Here’s my question back to you: is there more to you than your sexuality?

See, what a lot of people do is come to God and say, “Ok, God, before anything else, we have to be on the same page about X.”  And X could be anything – their politics, their relationships, their doctrine… whatever.  And they want God to pick a side about X, and they’ll evaluate their relationship with God based on the choice he makes.  (This should be sounding like a bad idea to you as you read it.)

As it turns out, people tried that all the time with Jesus.  They brought him questions about government, marriage, the afterlife – all kinds of stuff – and demanded that he pick a side, so they could know what box to put him in.  And whenever they did that, Jesus’ essential reply was, “I don’t fit in your boxes.  And I’m not gonna play this silly game.”

Part of the reason Jesus responded that way is that it’s absurd for a person to identify themselves by one thing – their politics, their gender, their sexuality.  In Jesus’ day, there were some people (called Zealots) who hated the government.  And they wanted to know if Jesus was with them or against them, and, off of that, they’d know how to evaluate Jesus.  But Jesus is bigger than an opinion about government, and you, my friend, are bigger than your gender.

What I’m saying is this: can you, transgendered person that you are, just sit down with God and talk about something else?  I want you to imagine this for a moment.  You go to God in prayer, and you’re praying about being transgendered and how part of you loves it and part of you is ashamed and what should you do – and suddenly, you hear a voice.  And the voice says, “I hear you.  You’re confused.  I understand.  Down the road, we’ll deal with your confusion.  For right now, could we please talk about something else?”

What would you say?  I mean that as a serious question.  If you were going to talk about something else with God, what would it be?

I’d encourage you think long and hard about that question, because, beloved, there is more to you than your gender, and your transgendered status, and your confusion, and your shame.  The Bible says that God has “set eternity” in your heart (Eccl 3:11), which means there’s an infinite supply of you for you and God to talk about.

You know, of course, that God does have a plan for your sexuality.  He has a plan for every part of your life, and the Christian walk is about submitting all of yourself to God.  But that needs to take place in God’s way, and in God’s timing.

Yes, there will come a day when God will want to talk about your gender and sexuality and what he wants you to do with all of that.  But is that day today?  I highly doubt it.  My sense, anon, is that what’s before you today is letting your Father tell you how much he loves you, and working on accepting that.  Because, believe this, he loves you, transgendered, confused, ashamed, and all. 

If you’re willing to take the incredibly courageous step of accepting God’s love for you – and I know that you are – you will find that, when the time comes to look at sexuality and gender, it’ll be a whole different ball game.  God’s love sets people free – free from shame, free from confusion, and free from repression.  When the time comes, whatever God has for you in the arena of gender and sexuality is something you’ll be able to receive as a gift and a blessing, and not a punishment or a curse.

What Will My Future Husband Think?

Anonymous asked:

I recently got out of a two year homosexual relationship after being really convicted by the Lord. I understand that the healing process I’m going through will take a while but, lately, all I can think about is how I’ve ruined any chance I had at honoring a future husband. How could a man of God love me when I’m so disgusted with myself?

Jed Brewer replied:

Beloved, who you are and what you’ve done are not the same thing.

When we think about “big” sins – drug addiction, sexual stuff, violence – we have a way of thinking that the things we’ve done say something about us.  That they say something about the kind of people we are.

Well, they don’t.

The only thing that your sin tells us about you is your capacity.  That, in a given set of circumstances, if we line everything up just so, you are capable of doing something you’ll later regret.  As it turns out, this is not news – that’s what it is to be a sinner.

You may have heard this phrase before: “There but for the grace of God go I.”  If you haven’t, it’s a good one to remember and hold onto.  The idea is that, when we see a “great big sinner” crossing our path, we remind ourselves that the difference between us and them are the circumstances that God allowed to occur in our lives.

I’ve never had a homosexual relationship.  But, given the right set of circumstances in my life, I guarantee you I would have.  I can guarantee you that because I know that I am a sinner, and, as the Bible says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.”

While we’re at it, I bet you have never bowed down and worshipped success as an idol, placing your health, youth, and relationships on its thirsty altar.  But I have, and, if you were in my shoes, you would have done the same thing.

So, where does that leave us?  It leaves us realizing that our sins don’t tell us who we are, so we need something else to do that.  That something is, in fact, a someone, and that someone is God.

If I may be so bold, let me offer a taste of what I think the Lord might say about you.

I see in this question a gal who has committed what Christian culture has (wrongly) made the chief and cardinal sin of our age, and who, in spite of that, finds herself wrestling with the fact that she knows God has something for her.  I don’t hear a girl who’s given up on the idea of a Godly husband, I hear a girl who knows, somewhere within her heart, that there will be a Godly husband, and she doesn’t know how that will work.

I sense a girl who, at the “height of her transgression”, knew that God was, and was with her, and sensed his gentle and insistent calling that, “Daughter, I have better for you than this.”

I see a girl who heard that, and who chose to follow.

I definitely see a girl who has made a decision to work this thing out, to not be ruled by shame, or guilt, or regret, but to walk the path the Lord has for her, and to get the help she needs in order to do that.

I sense, and hear, and see a daughter of God.  And your future, Godly husband will sense, and hear, and see the same.

Sis, there’s nothing wrong with you.  You are honoring your future husband by doing the hard work of healing you’re engaged in right now.  Live boldly into being the Godly woman the Lord made you to be – that’s who you really are.  The deeper you live into that identity, the more you’ll realize that not only did your sins never say anything about you, but, in fact, they never had that power to begin with.

What Does God Think of My Sin?

Over the past few days, I’ve gotten a number of questions from folks who’ve done things they feel ashamed of in their past, and they’re wondering, “What now?”  They’re wondering what God thinks about all of it, and they’re wondering what other people – say, a future husband – is going to think about all of it.

Each question – there’s a few on sex, and a few on cutting – will get it’s own reply, but, there’s a common thread running through all of them, and we’re going to take a look at that here.

So, what does God think of your sin?  Easy.  He understands.

If you don’t know this verse, I’d encourage you to read it to yourself everyday for the next week, month, year, forever…

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15-16)

What’s God saying here?  First, he gets it.  The thing you were into, whether it was cutting, or sex, or drugs, he understands why you were into it.  He understands how you got into it in the first place.  He understands why it seemed like a good idea.  He understands what the draw was.  He understands what seemed pleasurable about it.  He understands how hard it was to turn loose of it.  He understands how hard it is to stay clear of it today.  He understands the feelings of guilt and shame that you’re struggling with now.  He understands.

Well, where does that leave us?  It leaves us realizing that we have no reason to be ashamed.  God was not ashamed to shed his blood for you when you were at your worst.  God is not ashamed today to call you his child.  If God ain’t ashamed, then you don’t have to be ashamed.

Your sin says one thing – and only one thing – about you: you are the kind of person Jesus Christ came to save.  Sinners sin.  That’s what they do.  Doesn’t make it right, sure.  But Jesus came unto a world of sinners, and he came, in the midst of your sin, looking for you. 

God hates sin, yes.  But he hates sin precisely because he loves you.  When we sin (which all of us do, all the time), it hurts us, it hurts others, and it leaves us settling for less than God has for us.  That’s why God hates it.  (What kind of a Father would be ok with watching his child hurt herself?)  But God’s hatred of sin never leaves him confused about his love for you.

God loves you.  He loved you when you were cutting, and he loves you today.  He would keep on loving you if you went back to cutting.  Love and behavior are not connected to each other.

Lastly, God is not confused about who you are.  By I wonder if you are.  Your sin confirms that you are a sinner.  But that’s it.  The plans he had for you when he made you – to give you a hope and a future, to use you to change the world, the raise up a Godly husband or wife for you – those plans have not changed.  You have not been diminished or lessened.  You are not tainted or different.  You are not damaged goods.

No, you are the adopted child of the King of the universe.  You are a treasure that was buried in a field.  God saw you, covered in dirt, and he bent down, and dusted you off, and got a good look at you, and He. Was. Excited.  He said to himself, “My mind’s made up.  I’m selling everything I’ve got, I’m buying this field, I must have this person with me.”  Well, it turned out money wasn’t enough.  The field had to be paid for in blood.  So God said, “Ok.  No problem.”  And he stretched out his arms and he died.

That makes you his.  You are his child.  That’s who you are.  You are not a girl who used to cut herself.  That’s something you did, not who you are.  You are a child of God.  You are not a girl who got confused and had a same-sex relationship.  That’s something you did, not who you are.  You are a child of God. 

Take hold of that identity.  Live into it.  Run full speed after it.  Forget what is behind, and press on towards what is ahead.  What is behind you never meant anything anyway.  But what is ahead…well, that’s worth living for.