The Squeezings of my Brain Grapes.
I’m Pretty Sure I’m Transgendered, and I Don’t Know What To Do

aacsi asked you:
I am ftm transgender, & I didn’t chose this, It’s something I was born with, probably caused by hormones in the whom. I tried to live in my birth sex, but ended up depressed. I just changed my name, & started living as male, but many christians are telling me that I’m sinning, especially if I change my body. There isn’t anything specific about this in the bible. God doesn’t make mistakes, & dealing with it has made me stronger, but I don’t know what to do, in my heart and brain I am a man.

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey my friend,

Thanks for your note.  I’m sorry you’ve got religious people in your life putting guilt on you.  As you and I both know, that ain’t helping nothing.

Something that Christian sometimes say (and they should, ‘cause it’s true) is that God loves you and accepts you exactly as you are.  In fact, here’s some words from a hymn written hundreds of years ago that says exactly that:

Just as I am, Thou wilt receive,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;

The truth, my friend, is that God loves, accepts, and welcomes you right now today, just as you are.  And he wants to pardon, cleanse, and unburden you right now today, just as you are.  But the struggle I often have – and I’m guessing this may be the same for you – is, am I willing to take a hold of that, just as I am, right now, today?

Jesus said that he would never put a heavy burden on us.  That if we were burned out on religion, if we were straight up worn out, we should just come to him, and he’d give us the kind of rest we were looking for.  (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV/MSG)  But, Jesus is a gentleman, and he’s not gonna force anything on us.

The question I would hand back to you is this: are you willing to let God accept you as you are?  God can handle your transgendered status and questions.  But can you handle God being able to roll with you on it?

If I read between the lines on your question, what I hear you describing is a sense of needing to figure out where you stand in regards to your gender, and then, once that’s set, you can figure out where you stand with God.  What I’d suggest to you is to own the fact that you’re not exactly sure where you stand, and you’re not sure where it’s all headed – in terms of your gender identity – and that you’re gonna start building a relationship with God in the midst of that uncertainty. 

It sounds like you’re trying to figure out what God wants from you in this situation, and, I promise, this is what he wants.  For you to just be with him, right now, in this moment, in this season of your life.

Yes, a time will come when the two of you will talk about gender identity and what he wants to see happen with that.  But that isn’t today.  And if you’ll build and cultivate your relationship with your Father today, then it won’t be such a scary thing down the road.

One last thing: I love you.  Seriously.  I believe in you, and I agree with you when you say that God doesn’t make mistakes.  You, my friend, are no mistake.  No matter where things land with your gender, you are not a mistake, or a weirdo, or a freak, or anything else.  You’re a child of the God of the universe, adored by your Father, and ransomed at the cost of Jesus’ blood.  There are great things waiting for you in your life, and I want to see you take a hold of every one of them.  The confusion and uncertainty that you face today is not the last word in your life.  There are great things to come for you – walk with God, and don’t ever, ever quit.

I’m A Girl, and I Might Be Attracted To Other Girls. What Do I Do?

Anonymous asked:
Hey Jed! So I’m writing this message at 3 am. I’m so confused about life, God, etc. it hurts because I KNOW God loves me. The thing is, I may be attracted to women as I do men. I felt this way for as long as I can remember although it never really bothered me. I’m a shy person but at times, around my close friends, I’m funny and outgoing. Recently though it hit me hard. My words are scrambled and I’m really starting to lose focus on Jesus, my Savior.. I don’t know what to do Mr. Jed, I’ve also have been watching porn as well and I just really need God more than ever..

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey sis,

Thanks for your note. 

It sounds to me a little bit like you’re freaking yourself out.  Like you’re letting a lot of disconnected details try and tell you a big fat lie about your life.  For what it’s worth, sometimes, I do that, too.  And it’s no fun at all.

So, you may be attracted to women, too.  Ok.  Well, what do we do with that?  Simple: take it to God, and tell him what the deal is.

Like you say, there’s been an element of that attraction within you for a long time, and we don’t know exactly where it comes from.  That doesn’t leave you with anything to feel bad about, sis.  You didn’t decide to be “naughty”; you’re just trying to live your life, which is what all of us are trying to do.

The key is to take it to God.  Tell him, “God, I’m attracted to women.  I’m not quite sure what to do with that.  But I know you’re not looking down on me in the midst of that.  I need you to give me peace about where I’m at today, and wisdom on where to go with this tomorrow.”

To avoid any trollish responses to this post, allow me to note that, no, same-gender sexual intercourse is not a right thing.  There.  Now, then, let’s review where you’re at:

  • You like looking at porn.  This is totally normal.  (Yes, it’s naughty.  We’re all clear on that.)  As it turns out, everybody likes looking at naked bodies. 
  • You’re somewhat attracted to folks of the same gender.  OK.  That’s true for a lot of people.  (The numbers vary a bit, but folks who experience same-gender sexual attraction are about 1-in-10.  That’s about the same percentage of people who are left-handed.)
  • You feel freaked out.  Well, dang, sis, that’s true for a whole lot of people, and just about every young person on the planet.

None of the above makes you a freak, or a weirdo, or a super-sinner.  It makes you a normal person with sexual desires who’s trying to figure out how to live and follow Jesus.  And that’s no easy thing.

God is not looking down on you.  I promise.  And, more than that, he’d love to talk about your sex life, who you find attractive, where that’s coming from, and where he wants to see it go.  In other words, God has a whole lot more to say on the subject of your sex life than “just don’t.”

I’d encourage you, in your prayer life, to start being completely honest with God about how you’re feeling, who you’re attracted to, and how you feel about that attraction.  And then I’d encourage you to memorize this verse, and claim it as true for yourself:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15)

God gets it, sis.  He understands.  More than you do.  He understands, and he’s not looking down on you.  He wants you to share your heart with him.  And he wants to give you wisdom on where your desires are coming from.  And he wants to guide you into a life where you are truly satisfied.  I promise.