What’s So Great About Sex? – Vol. 4

Quick Intro:
In this series, we’re taking a look at the way God designed sex to work within marriage, and how awesome it is.  We’re specifically looking at a book in the Bible called “Song of Solomon”, which comes right before Isaiah.  The whole book is about how great sex is within marriage.  In fact, it’s an explicit conversation between a husband and wife.  Seriously – check it out.

Today: Real Excitement!

Trying to play it cool is a torture.  Think about a highlight in your life – maybe it was making the cut for a sports team, or getting an answer right in class, or getting good feedback on a painting you did.  Some part of you, in that moment, is sure that you need to play it cool.  Don’t get too excited.  Just shrug your shoulders and mumble the words, “Whatever”, and that way people will think you’re cool.  We’ve all done that.

Well, see, that’s the way most people approach dating relationships, and especially in regards to sexuality.  You’re supposed to be cool, and play it cool, and not get too excited, and, sure, hey, you know, sex is cool, whatever, if you’re into that.

The problem here is that this playing-it-cool approach takes all of the fun away.  When something awesome happens, allowing yourself to be excited and blown away and overwhelmed is a big part of the experience.  And it’s one God wants for you.  Here’s our passage:

“[The Wife says]

My lover is already on his way to his garden,
   to browse among the flowers, touching the colors and forms.

[The Husband says]

Your beauty is too much for me—I’m in over my head.
   I’m not used to this! I can’t take it in.” (Song of Solomon 6:2-5, various, MSG)

OK, so, when the wife is talking about “his garden”, she’s referring to her body.  So, she’s saying that her husband is coming to, well, explore her body.  Now, note the husband’s response.  He doesn’t say, “Yeah, you know, that’s cool.  Whatever.”  And he doesn’t put on the false bravado of, “Hey, let me show you my moves!”

No, instead, he says, “This is too much.  I’m in over my head.  I can’t even take it all in.”  He’s blown away.

Dude, how awesome, and real, and sweet, and authentic is that?  He’s there with his wife, who is sans clothing, and he’s a kid-in-a-candy-store.  And that’s just right.  He doesn’t need to be smooth.  He doesn’t need to be fashionably disinterested.  He can be honest about the fact that his wife is so beautiful, and alluring, that she reduces him to a simple expression of, “Whoa.  Just…whoa.”

Sex is a beautiful and mysterious thing.  In truth, it should reduce all of us to, “Whoa.”  It is physical, and emotional, and spiritual, all at once.  It is this miraculous moment where love brings two people into a total union and (can) create a wholly new, unique life as the outcome.  To that, I say,  “Whoa.”  And so should you.

But, on a more basic level, when a total hottie (which is how you will see your spouse) stands before you, naked, and says, “I’m all yours; have fun,” the only right response is “Whoa.”  The only fun response is, “Whoa.”  The only Godly response is, “Whoa.”  And anything less is, in fact, an insult to your beloved, as though you’re jaded because everywhere you go, people disrobe and offer themselves to you.  (Hint: they don’t.)

No, that’s no good.  Excitement suits you.

This is what God wants for you.  A sex life that reduces you to “whoa.”  Beauty and seduction and allure that reduces you to “whoa.”  Authenticity where your spouse receives your speechlessness as the highest of praise.  This is what awaits you, and it’s worth waiting for.

thebridgechicago:

from Jed Brewer’s song “The Easy Part is Hard”, about the struggle to believe that God loves us.

Get it on iTunes

myheartisonfireallforyou asked you:
i was just reading your post called, ‘i’m tomrented by lust.” in it, you said, “Read the story of the treasure hidden in a field (Matthew 13:44) and decide to believe that the treasure God sold everything to have is you.” is that what that story is about? I thought that story was about “sellling” all we have in order to live for God.

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Liz,

Thanks for your question.  It’s a good one, and, you know, when I was growing up in church, I thought the exact same thing.

Here’s the verse we’re talking about:

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.” (Matthew 13:44, NIV)

So, is this a story about how God feels about us?  Or, is it a story about how we feel about God?  The answer is that it’s both.  The story is about both of those things.  But one of them comes first, and the order is critically important.

The Bible says, “We love because He first loved us.”  (1 John 4:19)  This Christian life does not begin with us beholding God, deciding He’s important, and trying to be made right with him.  Nope.  This Christian life begins with us as sinners, separated from God, and helpless to do anything about it, and a God who “demonstrates his own love us in this: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

See, God saw you, and, when everybody else saw an empty field, a vacant lot, filled with overgrown weeds, broken beer bottles, and discarded trash, God saw something else.  He saw someone He loved, a lost child that he would adopt and make his own, and that makes you a treasure he would – and did – give up anything and everything to have.

God found you, saw you, desired you, and paid the cost to have you.  That’s what this story is about.

But, see, when we receive God’s love for us – when it seeps into the deep places in our hearts – a funny thing happens.  We begin to love God in return.  And we begin to realize that, compared to God’s love for us, nothing else matters all that much.

Here’s what Paul said:

“Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.” (Philippians 3:8, NLT)

When I was younger, I read verses like that one from Philippians, and thought that was the way I was supposed to feel.  And then I would feel guilty, because I didn’t feel that way.  And if that’s something you’ve experienced, I’m sorry.

But, see, what Paul is describing here is a love for God that only comes out of knowing how desperately God loves him.  Paul had experienced God’s love in a way that had changed him to his very core.  That’s why he knew it was a treasure.

Each of us have to experience that Love for ourselves.  We cannot – and should not – try to skip ahead to just thinking God’s super duper amazing without having our own personal experience of God’s love.  And when we do have our own, personal experience of God’s love, we realize that we don’t need to manufacture anything.  Love overflows.  That’s it’s nature.  God’s love in our hearts bubbles up inside of us until we can’t contain it, and we just have to love God in return, and the people around us.

The truth, Liz, is that you are God’s treasure.  And the only way for you to truly treasure God is to first let him treasure you.

thebridgechicago:

New Jed Brewer tune: The Easy Part is Hard.

“God loves you” is the most basic thing Christians hear, but sometimes it is a struggle to believe that. We don’t always feel that way, even thought we know it is true. The easiest part of our faith is often times the toughest. Jed wrote a song about that struggle.

You can get it on iTunes

As I look through my dashboard here on Tumblr, I see so many of my friends feeling discouraged and beaten down.  Some of them are hating on themselves for the ways their body looks.  Some are tearing themselves apart because they aren’t in a romantic relationship.  And some are feeling wrecked because they are, and it isn’t working.

Particularly when you’re in your teens and early twenties, there are so many difficult things going on around you, and you don’t have a lot of control over many of them, and you can start to wonder, “Will things ever really be good for me?”

As your big brother, let me answer that: yes.

You - yes, you - have gifts, talents, and abilities the world needs.  There is a destiny for your life.  You may not see it yet, but it’s real.  I promise.  God has set the ball on the tee so that you could come into this world and change it.  If you’ll follow the Lord (and I know you will) this world will never be the same because you were in it.  (Ephesians 2:10)

You - yes, you - have a heart and body both that will be incredibly attractive to the right person at the right time.  Actually, let me rephrase that: In God’s time, in God’s way, there’s a person that will behold you - mind, body, and spirit - and think you hang the moon.  They will be blown away by you, entranced, madly in love, and absolutely determined to have you.  And you will get married.  And you will have sex.  And God won’t want you to stop making sweet love to each other as long as you live.  (1 Corinthians 7:5)

You - again, I’m talking about you here - will have a community of people that love you, believe in you, see what you bring to the table, and value you.  You will belong.  Follow the Lord, and he will take you to that place.  You will have fellowship.  You will have real family.  And you will have a closeness that can’t be found any other way.  (Matthew 12:50)

So don’t give up.  I know you’re going through hard stuff today.  Don’t give up.  Keep taking your struggles to God.  Keep getting strength from Him to face them head-on.  And don’t give up.

Your future is so very, very bright.

Anonymous asked:
You have a beautiful picture of sex and marriage that I can hardly comprehend. I have been entrenched in to masturbation and lust for several years, even before being born again. I want the healthy, pure, and godly marriage that God has for me, but I almost don’t think that it is possible given how frequently I struggle with this particular sin. So often (I am sure from viewing pornography) when I see a girl my mind imagines her unclothed and it is a constant torment. How can I get out of this?

Jed Brewer replied:

Bro, I’m sorry you’re hurting.  I really am.

If you’re open to a crazy thought, I think it’s worth considering, even for a moment, that, just maybe, lust isn’t your main problem.

Yes, I get that you have looked at a lot of porn, given into a lot of lust, and engaged in masturbation on a regular basis.  That’s terrain I know well, and from personal experience.  And, yes, all of that is wrong.

But – and this is a very, very big but – it’s a pretty huge leap to go from saying, “I’m doing this wrong thing, and I know it ain’t good”, to saying, “Probably, God can’t bless me anymore, and I’m in torment.” 

Look, yes, mentally undressing girls is not a righteous thing to do.  It is, however, something that basically every man on the planet has done many, many times.  If God can’t deal with a serial-mental-undresser, then he really can’t deal with anyone.  All we’ve got down here are sinners.

Like I said, I don’t think the problem here is lust.  I think it’s shame.

I get the sense that you think you’re a pervert.  The problem with that thought is that you’re thinking your past (and present) mistakes define you.  They don’t.

Your identity is not “pervert”.  It’s “sinner-save-by-grace, and adopted Child-of-God.”  There’s no place for shame in that.  God knows you have issues, and he loves you anyway.

I think the challenge before you is not getting rid of lust – although that will come in time.  I think the challenge before you is accepting that God loves, desires, embraces, and accepts you today, as you are.  That he knows you’re a dude who is eaten up by lust, and he loves you anyway.  That he has enough grace to handle your failures, and enough strength to handle your weakness.

Here’s what the Bible says:

“I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” (2 Cor 12:7-9, NIV)

So what’s the answer?  Simple.  

Let God love you.  Let him embrace you.  Get a copy of the Bible in The Message translation, read Ephesians chapter 1, and choose to accept that God is talking about you.  Read the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) and make up your mind that God’s talking about you.  Read the story of the treasure hidden in a field (Matthew 13:44) and decide to believe that the treasure God sold everything to have is you. 

Choke that shame out.  Show it no mercy.  Put it to death, and let God’s love for you take its place.  That love will change you, and in ways that nothing else can.

Lastly, relax.  As impossible as it sounds, let yourself relax.  Bro, you are not a super-sinner.  You just aren’t.  I work in prison ministry, and I deal with guys who have made an art form out of sinning, and God most definitely is prepared to receive them.  Well,  if God can receive my brothers from County, then he can receive you.  And he wants to, more than anything.

Anonymous asked:
You know how it says that love always trusts and always perseveres? What exactly does it mean to trust someone? Even though I have close friendships, whenever I feel disappointed, my trust in the other person almost instantly disappears. I know they say that trust is hard to build and is easily broken, but I don’t believe it is impossible. How do you rebuild your trust in a person? Also, I’ve let people down too, but how do you earn back trust?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Anon,

Those are some great questions, but they span a few different arenas, so, let’s do this.

First, on the subject of trust and how it should work in relationships, check out this post:

http://jedbrewer.tumblr.com/post/16563401356/how-do-i-trust-people-in-a-healthy-way

Second, you’re referencing a verse from 1 Corinthians 13, which is an extended description of what Godly love is like.  My man Lee Younger is doing an awesome series on what those words actually mean, and you can check it out here:

http://leeyounger.tumblr.com/tagged/1COR13

The thing I’d like us to take a quick look at here related to your question is this… How do we avoid reading something in the Bible differently from what it’s actually saying?

So, for example, the verse you mentioned is this one.

“[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor 13:7, NIV)

Now, we hate to think this could happen, but, what if somebody you know – who happens to be a complete tool – comes to you and says, “You should let me borrow your car.  And you have to love me, ‘cause God says so.  And Love always trusts – it’s in the Bible.  So hand over the keys.”

Whoa, Nelly.  Let’s hold on a second.  Now, Captain Tool-o-matic is technically correct that the Bible does say the words, “Love always trusts.”  That much is true.  But the important question is: what does the Bible mean when it says those words?

Step one is to go to this awesome website – www.bible.cc - and search for the verse in question.  Now, look at the way that verse is translated in different versions of the Bible.  The reason do this is that every “version” of the Bible is a translation from one language to another.  And translation is not an exact science.  So, each version will bring out a slightly different flavor of what was meant in the original language.  By comparing the different versions, we can use them as commentaries on each other, and get a good overall sense of what was being said in the original.

When we do that with this verse, what we see is that the word “trust” really has two ideas in it – and neither of them are what dude means when he says you should just trust him.

The first idea is simply that God’s love within us empowers us to believe God’s promises, no matter what.  This has to do with us and God, and nobody else.

The second idea is that God’s love causes us to see the best in others.  But that isn’t the same as giving them unearned trust.  Seeing the best in others really boils down to seeing the potential within them, and refusing to relinquish that.  In other words, when people are at their worst, Love looks at them and says, “The real them is so much better than this, and they can become that person.”

In fact, if we’re determined to see people live into their potential, that will actually drive us in the opposite direction from what our toolish friend has requested.  He is being manipulative and uncool.  And believing in his potential requires us to shut him all the way down, because otherwise he gets the idea that he can manipulate people, and they won’t mind.  We do that hard thing because we love him.  And as the rest of your verse says, that love never gives up.

If you read one article - ever - about dating as a Christian, it should be this one.  Check it and spread the word!

unkaglen:

Let’s face it, dating is a modern cultural phenomenon. The Bible doesn’t say anything about it, because dating as we know it today didn’t exist back then. So can we still apply the Bible to the modern cultural phenomenon of dating? You bet. But it won’t work to try and rewrite the rules of dating…

ddandylion asked you:
Hi Jed. I truly love your blog. I am writing to you because I feel ashamed. I suffer from social anxiety, a mental illness that causes me to freak out in social situations, and it makes it really hard to reach out to others. I am slowly recovering but I feel so terrible because at work nobody knows that I am Christian. With all my heart I want them to know. It’s not good enough that they find out that I’m a Christian through Facebook. I pray everyday for boldness but its not working :(

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Danielle,

Sis, I truly love your blog.  I just spent some time reading your last few posts, and you’ve got a good mind and a good heart.

So, because you’ve got a good heart, its no surprise that you want to reach out to your co-workers.  And yet we have this thing in the way.  So let’s dig in and figure out what we do.

First of all, mental illness is not something that you just “try harder” with.  I’m sure you know this, but I’m betting from time to time you’re tempted to think, “maybe if I just really pushed myself I could do xyz”.  And that isn’t true.  A guy with a broken leg needs to heal up before he can run a marathon.  And those of us who have experienced mental illness need to recover before we’re at full capacity.

That said, step one is to do what I sense you’re already doing: commit yourself to be diligent in your recovery.  Go to your counseling sessions and engage.  Take whatever medications you are prescribed.  On the spiritual side, pursue the Lord, day by day and bit by bit choosing his will for your life over fear and anxiety.  Cast your cares on him and receive his strength.

And then – and this is very important – don’t judge yourself.  If you’re committing yourself to the process of recovery, and you’re making progress, then you don’t have a single thing to feel bad about.  Because it’s only a matter of time.  You’re going to get where you’re going.  Period.

Now, in the meantime, you still love your co-workers, and you still want to reach out to them, and you’re still in recovery.  So, what do we do?  Simple.  We just need the right strategy.

Social situations are hard, but we want to show God’s love.  No problem.  Let’s show love without bringing a social situation in to play.  Let’s say there’s a gal in the office going through a divorce or other tough time.  Bake her a plate of cookies, and wait till she’s not at her desk, and then leave the cookies with a little note, “Hey, I know life’s tough right now – I’m praying for you and who doesn’t love cookies?”  Boom!  You just showed some love, girl!

Truth is, there’s a lot of ways to show love without having to have some big, anxiety-provoking face-to-face encounter.  An email note of encouragement.  A plate of cookies.  Bringing somebody a coffee when you return from your break.  And, Danielle, those actions speak a whole lot louder than any words you could say anyway.

I would actually bet, sis, that your coworkers already know you’re “religious”.  People pick up on that rather deftly.  What they’re all wondering is, “What’s she gonna do with it?”  If you start turning that religion into Love (which sounds right – I think I read a verse about that somewhere) then you will be ministering to your coworkers, with or without social anxiety.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.  You have God’s love in your heart for these people.  All you need is a strategy to let it come out in a way that fits your situation.  Allow yourself to relax and have fun with that process, and I think you’ll find it’s a whole different ballgame.

Anonymous asked:
Hi Jed. I am a 19 yr old female to male transgender. Lately, I’ve been feeling hurt and lost. I feel like I’ve assaulted God for changing into the person I desire to be instead of living the way He made me. Someone told me I should trust in God and stop living this way and God will bless me, but the thing is.. I don’t want to stop living this way. I know that homosexuality is a sin which is why I’m choosing to remain single.  Right now, I’m certain that I don’t want to go back [to my old gender]. I am happy with the way things are.. with society, religion going on today.. I feel ashame for what I’ve done.  I’ve mess with God and played Him. I’ve asked the Lord what he wants me to do but I have not got an answer. Can I continue to live this way and love the Lord? [Edited for length and content.]

Jed Brewer replied:

My friend,

Thanks for your question, and for trusting me with your story.

Here’s my question back to you: is there more to you than your sexuality?

See, what a lot of people do is come to God and say, “Ok, God, before anything else, we have to be on the same page about X.”  And X could be anything – their politics, their relationships, their doctrine… whatever.  And they want God to pick a side about X, and they’ll evaluate their relationship with God based on the choice he makes.  (This should be sounding like a bad idea to you as you read it.)

As it turns out, people tried that all the time with Jesus.  They brought him questions about government, marriage, the afterlife – all kinds of stuff – and demanded that he pick a side, so they could know what box to put him in.  And whenever they did that, Jesus’ essential reply was, “I don’t fit in your boxes.  And I’m not gonna play this silly game.”

Part of the reason Jesus responded that way is that it’s absurd for a person to identify themselves by one thing – their politics, their gender, their sexuality.  In Jesus’ day, there were some people (called Zealots) who hated the government.  And they wanted to know if Jesus was with them or against them, and, off of that, they’d know how to evaluate Jesus.  But Jesus is bigger than an opinion about government, and you, my friend, are bigger than your gender.

What I’m saying is this: can you, transgendered person that you are, just sit down with God and talk about something else?  I want you to imagine this for a moment.  You go to God in prayer, and you’re praying about being transgendered and how part of you loves it and part of you is ashamed and what should you do – and suddenly, you hear a voice.  And the voice says, “I hear you.  You’re confused.  I understand.  Down the road, we’ll deal with your confusion.  For right now, could we please talk about something else?”

What would you say?  I mean that as a serious question.  If you were going to talk about something else with God, what would it be?

I’d encourage you think long and hard about that question, because, beloved, there is more to you than your gender, and your transgendered status, and your confusion, and your shame.  The Bible says that God has “set eternity” in your heart (Eccl 3:11), which means there’s an infinite supply of you for you and God to talk about.

You know, of course, that God does have a plan for your sexuality.  He has a plan for every part of your life, and the Christian walk is about submitting all of yourself to God.  But that needs to take place in God’s way, and in God’s timing.

Yes, there will come a day when God will want to talk about your gender and sexuality and what he wants you to do with all of that.  But is that day today?  I highly doubt it.  My sense, anon, is that what’s before you today is letting your Father tell you how much he loves you, and working on accepting that.  Because, believe this, he loves you, transgendered, confused, ashamed, and all. 

If you’re willing to take the incredibly courageous step of accepting God’s love for you – and I know that you are – you will find that, when the time comes to look at sexuality and gender, it’ll be a whole different ball game.  God’s love sets people free – free from shame, free from confusion, and free from repression.  When the time comes, whatever God has for you in the arena of gender and sexuality is something you’ll be able to receive as a gift and a blessing, and not a punishment or a curse.