The Squeezings of my Brain Grapes.
Secret Weapons For Your Fight Against Lust – Volume 3!!!

Ok, my friends.  It’s time for another SECRET WEAPON as we figure out how to stand our ground against lust.

Before we get started, here’s what I want you to know: all of us here in Chicago believe in you.  We love you.  We stand with you.  And we know that, day by day, bit by bit, you can walk forward on this thing.

That’s right, I’m talking to *you*.

Ok.  Let’s DO THIS.  It’s time for SECRET WEAPON NUMBER 3!

Finding A New 10 Minute Mood Changer”

The average time spent on a porn website is not even 9 minutes.  (Technically, it’s 8:56.)  Now, forgive me for being a little blunt, but this isn’t a huge surprise.  Those of us who have struggled with porn (that being everyone, everywhere on earth) know how this thing works.  Step 1 is ‘find something on a porn site that gets you all hot and bothered’.  Step 2 is ‘have an orgasm.’  And Step 3 is ‘huh, my interest in this porn website has just dramatically decreased!’

Now, if you talk to people about why they look at porn, what you’ll find out is that many – and sometimes most – of the reasons have little or nothing to do with sex.  Folks look at porn because they’re stressed out, because they’re bored, because they’re lonely…and they want something to make them feel better.  That makes sense.  And, of course, as you probably know, orgasms influence your brain chemistry, so, in a literal sense, the process is making you feel better.

With that in mind, let’s do a thought-experiment.  Pretend with me that you’d never heard of porn.  And I tell you, there’s a thing that, in about 10 minutes, will help you to feel better, whether you’re bored or stressed or lonely or tired.

If you’re like me, you’d say, “That sounds great!  Tell me more!”  And that would be the right response – who doesn’t want to have something they can do in 10 minutes to help them feel better?

The good news is this: porn is not the only thing that can help you feel better in 10 minutes.

Here’s just a quick list of things you can do in 10 minutes that will pretty much always help you to mentally relax and feel better:

  • Get up, walk out the door, and grab a cup of coffee
  • Put on some music real loud and bust out your best dance moves
  • Get out your guitar and sing some of your favorite worship tunes
  • Put on your shoes and go for a quick run
  • Write an email to a friend and tell them how much you appreciate them 

Any of these things can be done in about 10 minutes, and you’ll feel better at the end of all of them.  Whether you’re lonely, bored, stressed – this stuff will help.  Sure, none of these things is a cure for stress or loneliness, but that’s not the point.

The point is that we all need 10-Minute-Mood-Changers in our lives.  (Porn just happens to not be a good one.)  We all need little things we can do to help us relax and get out of a funky headspace. And I bet that you can build on this list.  I bet you can come up with even better 10-Minute-Mood-Changers, and ones that would work really well for you and your situation.

Here’s a bonus secret weapon.  Keep a list, on your phone, of your favorite mood changers.  And when you start to feel lonely or tired or whatever – something that’s gonna try and tempt you to turn to lust – open up that list.  Cause you know these are all things that will help.  Then, pick one, and go do it.

At the end of that ten minutes, I bet you two things.  First, you’ll feel better – you won’t be as tired or stressed or bored as you were 10 minutes ago.  And, second, because you’re feeling better, your desire to look at something lustful has gone down quite a little bit.

You can do it.  You can find things that will help you change your mood in 10 minutes, and that will help you stand firm against lust.

We love you.  Keep your head up.

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Secret Weapons for Your Fight Against Lust – Vol. 2!!!

This is post number 2 in our new series of SECRET WEAPONS to help in your fight against lust.  You ready to ROCK THIS THING??

Before anything else, remember this: You can do it.  You can move forward on this, a piece at a time, and that’s just right.  Nobody’s expecting you to be perfect.  In point of fact, that’s why we need Jesus.  We all struggle with this arena, we all feel tempted, and you’re not alone. 

So, the goal is improvement.  And you can do it.  We believe in you.

With that in mind, here’s SECRET WEAPON NO. 2!

Always Know What Day It Is”

Here in Chicago, we work with a lot of folks coming out of drug addiction.  And for folks in addiction recovery, the most tempting day of the week is…payday.

Think about it: on payday, you’re walking around with a pocket full of money, and so your odds of giving in to temptation go way up, ‘cause it’s so much easier to do.

There’s a similar phenomenon with porn.  Porn sites see more traffic on Monday than any other day of the week. 

Now, that could be because people are bored at the beginning of their week.  And, plenty of people don’t have anything going on during Monday evening, so maybe it’s the free-time.  But, either way, your average person is more likely to look at porn on Monday than any other day of the week.

So, what does that mean for you?  You probably have a most-tempting-day, too.  It may not be Monday, but I bet you have one.  If you think back over the last few weeks, I bet there’s a day each week where you’re more likely to get tripped up by temptation.

Take a second and think about it – and don’t waste any time feeling ashamed.  Just think back and see if there’s a day that sticks out as particularly tempting.

If you found that you have a particular day out of the week where the temptation is strongest, then the next step is to make sure that, as much as possible, you keep that day busy and filled with a lot of good fellowship.

So, say your day is Monday.  Maybe you’re done with school or work around 4, and you just have a big stretch of time before you, and that creates a lot of temptation.  The answer is to fill that time.  Make a tradition to go to dinner with your friends every Monday night.  Make Monday afternoon your bookstore time where you go and find some cool new book or album to check out.  Maybe set-up a little prayer meeting with some buddies late on Monday night.

Either way, if you find the day that you’re most likely to be tempted, and structure it to reduce that temptation, you’ll have just taken a great big step forward in your fight against lust.

You can do it.  We believe in you.

New Series: Secret Weapons for your Fight Against Lust!

A lot of folks who read this blog are struggling with lust.  (There’s no shame – we’ve all been there.  Seriously.  All of us.)

That struggle can get discouraging because, at a certain point, it feels we’re just falling over and over again, with no improvement in sight.

If that’s where you’re at, I’m sorry.  All of us here in Chicago love you, and we believe in you, and we’re praying for you.

And, we want to help.  So, today, we’re kicking off a new series on SECRET WEAPONS to use in your fight against lust.

But here’s the important part – in the spirit of spy movies everywhere, these secret weapons come FROM BEHIND ENEMY LINES!!!

See, one of the largest porn sites in the world regularly publishes a bunch of data about when, where, and how often people access their webpage.  (You don’t have to see anything naughty to get the data – folks like Gizmodo write it up.)

And that data gives us some really key strategies for combating lust more effectively.

Here’s today’s SECRET WEAPON!

“Anything You’re Excited About Will Help Keep You Away From Porn”

Ok.  This will sound obvious the moment I say it, but bear with me.  Anything you’re excited about and putting your attention and focus on will keep you from looking at porn.  I’ll explain.

Have a TV show you’re excited about?  You aren’t watching porn while you’re watching Dr. Who.

Your team made the playoffs and the big game is tonight?  You aren’t watching porn while you’re watching LeBron and the Heat get after it.

Celebrating the Holidays with family or friends? If you’re unwrapping gifts then you’re not…well, you get where this is going.

Check this out – porn usage goes down by about 30% on Christmas Day.  It goes down by about 30% during major sporting events.  Heck, important TV shows (say, the finale of The Walking Dead) can knock down porn traffic by 10%.

What does this mean for you?  One SECRET WEAPON in your struggle against lust is to develop hobbies and interests and a social life - things you’re excited about – and make sure that those are peppered throughout your week.  Because, when you’re busy watching Sherlock with your friends and cutting up and having fun and getting some good fellowship going, not only are you not looking at anything naughty, you’re actually getting built up and getting strength for those moments when you don’t have something fun going on.

So take some time this week to think about the hobbies and events and get-togethers you’re gonna make sure are in your life to give you some breathing room as the Lord helps you get stronger at dealing with lust.

We love you.  Keep your head up.

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Take the time to read this and pass it on.  Fo, lo, it is awesome sauce.

unkaglen:

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Anonymous asked: I have a friend struggling with lust and masturbation. He is a Christian and is aware that it is a sin but he told me he sometimes couldn’t help it. What could be a good and practical solution for this?

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Unka Glen answered: Ah, the friend, yes. How about this for a…

Go Now, And Leave Your Life Of Sin

We’re all supposed to believe that God forgives us.  And, sure, intellectually, we do.  But, for a lot of us, that just isn’t how we feel.

Truth is, we don’t feel forgiven.  We don’t feel “free”.  No, for a lot of us, we feel dirty, used-up, and out of second chances.  We might know that isn’t true, but that knowledge doesn’t change the feeling.

If you feel that way, this is for you.

There’s an amazing moment in the Bible where Jesus comes face-to-face with a woman caught in the act of sinning.  And, I’m talking about big old embarrassing sexual sin, the kind you hope nobody ever finds out about.

Jesus says two things to this woman. First, he says, “I do not condemn you.”  Second, he says, “Go now and leave your life of sin.”  (You can read the whole story in John chapter 8.)

Now, the first one - I don’t condemn you - that sounds about right.  I mean, Jesus is supposed to forgive people, so, that makes sense.

But let’s look at that second one.  "Go now and leave your life of sin."

If you asked most people what it means to leave a “life of sin”, they’d say, “Simple!  Stop doing bad stuff!”  But I’m not sure that’s exactly it.

See, sin, at its core, is about selfishness.  It’s a focus on me, and what I think might satisfy me at any given moment, regardless of anybody else.  By contrast, a life driven by God’s Spirit is a life focused on God, what God wants, and what God is doing.  (For more on this, check out the book of Galatians, and especially chapter 5.)

So, then, if our hearts and thoughts are consumed with beating up on ourselves for past sins, and trying to grit our teeth and whip ourselves to resist present temptations, sin is still the thing at the center of our lives.  We’re focused on our jacked-up mess, and what the heck is wrong with us, and how terrible we are.

Here’s what the Bible says about that:

"Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn’t pleased at being ignored." (Romans 8:8, MSG)

Whoa.  That does not sound good.  Ok.  So, what do we do instead?

We recognize that leaving a life of sin is about, well, leaving a life of sin.  It’s about putting something else at the center of our thoughts and energies.  It’s about having a life driven by something other than the draw and repulsion of sin.

If you want to leave your life of sin, I’ve got two suggestions for you.

First, don’t wait around for your emotions to agree with what God is telling you. He says you stand forgiven, and you do.  Waiting for 100% buy-in from your feelings…that’s a very long wait.

Second, take the focus off of yourself, and put it onto loving other people. 

It sounds funny to say it out loud, but, people who are hurting, people who are going through a rough time, they don’t care what you’ve done in your past.  The lonely kid in class who cuts himself?  If you’re willing to talk to him and be a friend, he’s not going to double check the last time you looked at porn before accepting your company.  The homeless guy at the soup kitchen who hasn’t eaten in three days?  He couldn’t care less if you went too far physically with your last boyfriend.  It just doesn’t matter.

And when you start to focus on loving other people, instead of obsessing over your sins, you’ll begin to realize, for yourself, that the sins don’t matter in the way you thought they did.  Sure, they were wrong.  Yes, we want to work on not doing them.  But they don’t define you.  They don’t tell you who you are.  And they don’t tell you what your life is about.

Beloved, leave your life of sin.  Leave your life of guilt and shame and introspection and obsession.  Jesus has a real life he wants to give you – a life following Him, a life serving others – and, I promise, it’s absolutely amazing.

It’s Ok To Feel How You Feel

When I talk with Christians, one of the things I hear most often is, “Look, I know I’m wrong to feel like this, but…”

I bet you can relate.  Maybe you feel jealous of somebody.  Maybe you feel mad about something.  Or maybe you feel like God isn’t really coming through for you.  It makes sense that we’d look at those kind of feelings and say, “Well, that’s not good!”

But here’s the surprising thing: you aren’t wrong to feel like that.  Whatever it is – jealous, mad, lonely, whatever – you aren’t wrong to feel that way.

The reason why is simple.  Feelings are neither good or bad.  They’re just feelings.  We all have them, and they come into our hearts and minds whether we want them there or not.

It’s what you do with your feelings that matters.  And I’d like to suggest a step one that will always be the right answer, the safe answer, and the best answer.

Go tell God how you feel.

Now, I bet that sounds right.  Sure.  But, how many of us have things in our life where we’d never dream of simply telling God, “Here’s how I feel”?

Let’s look at some examples.

“God, I feel riled-up, and I really want to look at porn right now.”

“God, I feel really mad at my parents, and I think they’re jerks, and I want to go get even with them.”

“God, I feel so mad at you.  This awful thing is going on in my life, and you could stop it, and it feels like you just don’t want to.”

Whoa.  Now, that feels a little crazy.  Maybe too far.  Can’t be right.  But before we dismiss it, let’s turn to the Bible, and remind ourselves of what old King David said to God:

“God, why have you deserted me?  Why do you seem to be so far away when I need you to save me?  Why do you seem to be so far away that you can’t hear my groans? God, I cry out…but you don’t answer.” (Psalm 22:1-2, NIRV)

Dang – now, to me, that feels almost scandalous!  Dude is saying, “God it feels like you’ve just straight up sold me out!”  Surely God can’t be cool with that! 

But then we remember that the Bible describes David as “a man after God’s own heart.”  And we remember that Jesus – who was perfect – quoted that exact passage of Scripture right before he died.

As it turns out, this kind of honesty is exactly what God is looking for.  In fact, God makes an offer of how he’ll respond to our courageous honesty:

“Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders—he’ll carry your load, he’ll help you out.” (Psalm 55:22, MSG)

Wow.  God is saying: be real with me.  Tell me how you feel.  Tell me what’s really going on in your heart and mind.  And, when you do, you’ll discover that I’m giving you the strength that you need right in that moment.

It’s ok to feel how you feel.  Just go tell God about it.  And let Him give you what you need to keep on walking with Him.  Cause He loves you like that.

I Pray About Lust But It Doesn’t Go Away!

Anonymous asked:
I’ve been struggling with lust lately. I thought I had given it up to God but lately I’ve been desiring the same thing again. I made a mistake once, and I felt really horrible because I knew I hurt Him. So I asked for forgiveness but now I did it again and this time I didn’t feel guilty. I pray about this but it doesn’t go away. I still have strong desires. I feel like this isn’t going to go away and I know its hindering my walk with Christ.

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Sis,

I’m really sorry you’re going through a rough time.  And there have been times in my life where I was in the exact place you’re describing.

As I read your question, I think you may be coming at this struggle with a few bad ideas.  That’s not your fault – a lot of people have them, and they’re taught in a lot of churches.  But, if we want to move forward, we’ll need to change them.  So, let’s take a look.

First, you sound surprised that God isn’t taking this struggle away from you.  You said that you pray, but it doesn’t go away.  Of course it doesn’t!  The goal of testing in your life is to make you stronger.  If we hit a hard time, prayed, and God took the hard time away, we’d all be spiritual wimps!  By contrast, when we face a trial and learn how to stand firm against it, God uses that to develop patience, perseverance, and joy within us.

As Christians, our prayer should be, “God, give me the strength to stand firm in the midst of this temptation.” To that end, it’s far better to face a temptation, slip and slide on it, but ultimately learn how to stand strong against it, than it is to never be tempted.

Here’s what the Bible says: “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12, NIV)

The second thing we should look at is the guilt and shame.  You did the thing and felt bad.  And then you did the thing and didn’t feel bad, and it sounds like that’s scaring you.  Here’s the thing: guilt cannot motivate, guide, or safeguard your walk with God.  It doesn’t have the power to do any of those things.  In fact, in the long run, guilt can only drive you from God.

In the end, the only thing that truly changes any of us is love.  That’s the gas in the tank to make hard choices we really don’t want to make.  (Everybody likes naked bodies.  And not looking at them?  That’s a hard choice.)

You said that lust is hindering your walk with Jesus.  If you’ll allow me to say so, I think your attitude about lust is what’s hindering your walk.  You know that lust is wrong, and you’re trying to fight it.  And that’s good!  You’re doing an imperfect job of it, and that is to be expected.

But what isn’t good is that it sounds like you’re not sure whether God can be cool with you in the midst of your struggle.  Like you’re not sure that he can love, accept, and like you, even when you’re doing an imperfect job of facing a temptation.

Paul had the exact same attitude problem, and here’s what God said to him: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor 12:9, NIV)

Keep your head up, sis.  God loves you, he likes you, he accepts and desires you, even in the midst of this struggle.  Embracing the love that God has for you is the absolute best thing you can do for overcoming this temptation.  We’re praying for you.

What is the point of waiting til marriage for sex if you’ve already had sex in the past?

elleinwonderland asked you:
What is the point of waiting til marriage for sex if you’ve already had sex in the past? I’m trying to do things ‘right’ in my current relationship having done a lot of things I regret in the past - but every time one of my friends asks me this question I hear this little voice in my head saying ‘yeah, that’s a good point.’ Not a voice I want to give into - but how can I explain this, both to myself and to non-Christians in a way that doesn’t look preachy? X

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Elly,

Sis, I totally appreciate your question.  And it makes sense.  And I’m glad you asked.

When God says to save sex for marriage, it’s not because he has a bizarre fixation on people being virgins on their wedding night.  No, he says it because sex forges an emotional bond between the two people involved.  Sex forges that bond because that’s what it’s designed to do.  When that bond is forged between two people who have made a commitment to be with each other, no matter what (which is what a marriage is), then everything works great.  The emotional bond matches the relational bond.  But when that bond is forged between two people who aren’t quite sure and they’ll see how it goes, well, people get hurt.

Whenever God says, “don’t”, what he’s saying is “don’t hurt yourself.”  People can drone on about the idea of casual sex all they want, but as you and I both know, it doesn’t work.  At it’s best, casual sex is hype – the thing you keep telling yourself will be amazing, and keeps being really not that.  And at its worst, it really, really breaks our hearts.

God doesn’t want to see you get your heart broken.  That’s why.  Your heart is really important to him, and he wants you to guard it carefully (Proverbs 4:23).

And, let’s keep it real for a second: there isn’t an orgasm worthy of heartache.  And the fact that you’ve had sex in the past and got hurt doesn’t make it a good idea to do again today, any more than the fact that I’ve had one broken toe implies that I wouldn’t be bothered by a second.  Sex is not a separate category of sin where once you’ve done it, all bets are off.  I deal with drug dealers as a part of my day job, and no one is trying to tell them that since they’ve sold crack before, it doesn’t matter if they do it again.

But I’d like to add one more thing for you to look at.  And that is this: if you want a really amazing, Godly relationship, then don’t waste your time worrying about how wrong it can be and still work.  Start asking how right and good and amazing it can be.  There will come a day (when you’re married) when God will say, “It’s time for sexy time to commence and never cease.”  Between now and then, while there are some things God is saying “no” to, there’s a host of things he’s saying “yes” to – like encouraging each other, building each other up, serving Jesus together – and I’d encourage you to take a hold of those things with both hands.

I’m Tormented By Lust. What Do I Do?

Anonymous asked:
You have a beautiful picture of sex and marriage that I can hardly comprehend. I have been entrenched in to masturbation and lust for several years, even before being born again. I want the healthy, pure, and godly marriage that God has for me, but I almost don’t think that it is possible given how frequently I struggle with this particular sin. So often (I am sure from viewing pornography) when I see a girl my mind imagines her unclothed and it is a constant torment. How can I get out of this?

Jed Brewer replied:

Bro, I’m sorry you’re hurting.  I really am.

If you’re open to a crazy thought, I think it’s worth considering, even for a moment, that, just maybe, lust isn’t your main problem.

Yes, I get that you have looked at a lot of porn, given into a lot of lust, and engaged in masturbation on a regular basis.  That’s terrain I know well, and from personal experience.  And, yes, all of that is wrong.

But – and this is a very, very big but – it’s a pretty huge leap to go from saying, “I’m doing this wrong thing, and I know it ain’t good”, to saying, “Probably, God can’t bless me anymore, and I’m in torment.” 

Look, yes, mentally undressing girls is not a righteous thing to do.  It is, however, something that basically every man on the planet has done many, many times.  If God can’t deal with a serial-mental-undresser, then he really can’t deal with anyone.  All we’ve got down here are sinners.

Like I said, I don’t think the problem here is lust.  I think it’s shame.

I get the sense that you think you’re a pervert.  The problem with that thought is that you’re thinking your past (and present) mistakes define you.  They don’t.

Your identity is not “pervert”.  It’s “sinner-save-by-grace, and adopted Child-of-God.”  There’s no place for shame in that.  God knows you have issues, and he loves you anyway.

I think the challenge before you is not getting rid of lust – although that will come in time.  I think the challenge before you is accepting that God loves, desires, embraces, and accepts you today, as you are.  That he knows you’re a dude who is eaten up by lust, and he loves you anyway.  That he has enough grace to handle your failures, and enough strength to handle your weakness.

Here’s what the Bible says:

“I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” (2 Cor 12:7-9, NIV)

So what’s the answer?  Simple.  

Let God love you.  Let him embrace you.  Get a copy of the Bible in The Message translation, read Ephesians chapter 1, and choose to accept that God is talking about you.  Read the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) and make up your mind that God’s talking about you.  Read the story of the treasure hidden in a field (Matthew 13:44) and decide to believe that the treasure God sold everything to have is you. 

Choke that shame out.  Show it no mercy.  Put it to death, and let God’s love for you take its place.  That love will change you, and in ways that nothing else can.

Lastly, relax.  As impossible as it sounds, let yourself relax.  Bro, you are not a super-sinner.  You just aren’t.  I work in prison ministry, and I deal with guys who have made an art form out of sinning, and God most definitely is prepared to receive them.  Well,  if God can receive my brothers from County, then he can receive you.  And he wants to, more than anything.

I’ve Made Mistakes. Can Sex Ever Be Special For Me?

save-me-and-forgive-me asked you:
Hi, Jed. I loved the blog “What’s So Great About Sex?” and just had to ask your opinion on something. Even after you’ve crossed the line of sex before marriage is it too late for it to be special between you and your future spouse? Or are all the goods just spoiled? Even if you marry a different person.

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Amanda,

Glad you enjoyed the post!

This is a great question.  And the answer is that sex with your future spouse will be as special as you allow God to make it, regardless of your past screw-ups, or lack thereof.

Let’s talk about the “lack thereof” option for a second.  I know plenty of Christian married couples who “behaved themselves” before they got married, and didn’t cross any boundaries they weren’t supposed to.  And, unfortunately, some of those marriages have terrible, or non-existent, sex lives.  You might ask yourself: how the heck does that work?

Well, see, there are a lot of Christians who have decided that, in order to be safe, we’ll just consider sex bad.  We won’t do it, think about it, talk about it, or anything else.  We just won’t.  And, yeah, that can sometimes keep you from pre-marital sex.  But, when the ring goes on the finger, it all becomes both legal and good, but their attitude hasn’t changed.  In their minds, sex is still dirty.

By contrast, I know plenty of Christian married couples where one or both of the people have had pretty colorful histories in regards to sexuality.  And, shockingly, a number of those married couples have fantastic sex lives.  Again, we should ask: how does that happen?

It turns out that if you go to God and say, “I’ve made a mess of sex in my life, but I don’t want to do that anymore.  God, can you show me what you want sex to look like for me?”, God’s answer to that request is, “Heck yes!” 

The truth is that there is no such thing as “damaged goods”.  There just isn’t.  You can have screwed up in an arena 10,000 times, but the day you go to God and ask for his plan, he’ll still be ready to give it to you.

But, now, for the exceptionally brave, there is something better: redemption.  To redeem something means to bring something good out of it.  And God is in the business of redeeming our sinful pasts.

If you’re willing, Amanda, God can turn your struggles with sexuality into something amazing. 

Here’s a secret that I know about sex the way the world approaches it: it isn’t special.  Ever.  It’s boring.  And routine.  And as-expected.  And disappointing.  And guilty.  And if you’ve gone through rough times with sexuality in your life, then you know all that.

And, see, when God brings you to the place of marriage, and teaches you how to have a sex life that’s focused on serving your spouse, and celebrating the spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy that God’s given you, you will know not only that your married sex life is extremely special, but you will know what the alternative is.  And that is a great gift.

Don’t just let God forgive your past.  Let him redeem it.  Make up your mind to have the sex life he always wanted for you, and then, you will be in a unique position to talk to young women that are hurting themselves with premarital sex and say, “Let me tell you about something so much better.”