jkhayz asked you:
This week, a friend lost her baby and one of my best friends lost his mom. It’s hard for me to make sense out of all of it and I have so many questions about why and how. Any advice for working through this?
Jed Brewer replied:
Before anything else, I am so sorry for each of your friends, and for you. I’m praying for you, for your friends, and for their respective families. And, in fact, everyone who reads this is going to take 30 seconds to pray for you and your friends right now. And they’re going to click like on this post so you can know that you’ve got people all over the world lifting you up in prayer.
Now, you asked for advice on working through this. The best advice I can give you is to allow yourself to grieve, and to take it one day at a time.
First of all – and all of this goes for your friends as well as you – don’t judge your responses to what’s happened. Everyone grieves in different ways, and there’s no wrong way to do it. You may find yourself bouncing around between being angry, feeling numb, bursting into tears, and finding everything really funny. That’s normal.
You’ll want to very intentionally take care of yourself. In terms of your body, get enough to eat. Get some sleep. Drink water.
In terms of your emotions, huddle up with a close friend and pour your heart out. Don’t apologize for your feelings. Get them out in the open. Have as many good cries as you need. And then go to the movies or the ice cream parlor or whatever helps you relax.
In regards to your spiritual health, keep it real with God. Don’t pretend to be strong. Don’t pretend like you’re satisfied by trite answers (“God moves in mysterious ways!”). Instead of that, tell God that you feel terrible and you’re mad and confused and upset and wondering where He is in the midst of all this awfulness. Get what’s in your heart out on the table. And then take time to be still, and remember that he is God, and that he loves you desperately.
On everything, don’t rush yourself. Grief works at it’s own pace. In the first few weeks, your goal should simply be to keep body and soul together – to take care of yourself. As you begin to get your feet back under you, make a point of finding time each day to think, pray, and meditate on your grief, on what’s happened, and what it means and doesn’t mean. And, when you’ve done that for 20 minutes or an hour – either way – put the topic away until the next day.
Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask for more help along the way. My ask box is open, sis.