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Anonymous asked: I have a friend struggling with lust and masturbation. He is a Christian and is aware that it is a sin but he told me he sometimes couldn’t help it. What could be a good and practical solution for this?
Unka Glen answered: Ah, the friend, yes. How about this for a…
We’re all supposed to believe that God forgives us. And, sure, intellectually, we do. But, for a lot of us, that just isn’t how we feel.
Truth is, we don’t feel forgiven. We don’t feel “free”. No, for a lot of us, we feel dirty, used-up, and out of second chances. We might know that isn’t true, but that knowledge doesn’t change the feeling.
If you feel that way, this is for you.
There’s an amazing moment in the Bible where Jesus comes face-to-face with a woman caught in the act of sinning. And, I’m talking about big old embarrassing sexual sin, the kind you hope nobody ever finds out about.
Jesus says two things to this woman. First, he says, “I do not condemn you.” Second, he says, “Go now and leave your life of sin.” (You can read the whole story in John chapter 8.)
Now, the first one - I don’t condemn you - that sounds about right. I mean, Jesus is supposed to forgive people, so, that makes sense.
But let’s look at that second one. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
If you asked most people what it means to leave a “life of sin”, they’d say, “Simple! Stop doing bad stuff!” But I’m not sure that’s exactly it.
See, sin, at its core, is about selfishness. It’s a focus on me, and what I think might satisfy me at any given moment, regardless of anybody else. By contrast, a life driven by God’s Spirit is a life focused on God, what God wants, and what God is doing. (For more on this, check out the book of Galatians, and especially chapter 5.)
So, then, if our hearts and thoughts are consumed with beating up on ourselves for past sins, and trying to grit our teeth and whip ourselves to resist present temptations, sin is still the thing at the center of our lives. We’re focused on our jacked-up mess, and what the heck is wrong with us, and how terrible we are.
Here’s what the Bible says about that:
“Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn’t pleased at being ignored.” (Romans 8:8, MSG)
Whoa. That does not sound good. Ok. So, what do we do instead?
We recognize that leaving a life of sin is about, well, leaving a life of sin. It’s about putting something else at the center of our thoughts and energies. It’s about having a life driven by something other than the draw and repulsion of sin.
If you want to leave your life of sin, I’ve got two suggestions for you.
First, don’t wait around for your emotions to agree with what God is telling you. He says you stand forgiven, and you do. Waiting for 100% buy-in from your feelings…that’s a very long wait.
Second, take the focus off of yourself, and put it onto loving other people.
It sounds funny to say it out loud, but, people who are hurting, people who are going through a rough time, they don’t care what you’ve done in your past. The lonely kid in class who cuts himself? If you’re willing to talk to him and be a friend, he’s not going to double check the last time you looked at porn before accepting your company. The homeless guy at the soup kitchen who hasn’t eaten in three days? He couldn’t care less if you went too far physically with your last boyfriend. It just doesn’t matter.
And when you start to focus on loving other people, instead of obsessing over your sins, you’ll begin to realize, for yourself, that the sins don’t matter in the way you thought they did. Sure, they were wrong. Yes, we want to work on not doing them. But they don’t define you. They don’t tell you who you are. And they don’t tell you what your life is about.
Beloved, leave your life of sin. Leave your life of guilt and shame and introspection and obsession. Jesus has a real life he wants to give you – a life following Him, a life serving others – and, I promise, it’s absolutely amazing.
Anonymous asked:
Hey Jed! So I’m writing this message at 3 am. I’m so confused about life, God, etc. it hurts because I KNOW God loves me. The thing is, I may be attracted to women as I do men. I felt this way for as long as I can remember although it never really bothered me. I’m a shy person but at times, around my close friends, I’m funny and outgoing. Recently though it hit me hard. My words are scrambled and I’m really starting to lose focus on Jesus, my Savior.. I don’t know what to do Mr. Jed, I’ve also have been watching porn as well and I just really need God more than ever..
Jed Brewer replied:
Hey sis,
Thanks for your note.
It sounds to me a little bit like you’re freaking yourself out. Like you’re letting a lot of disconnected details try and tell you a big fat lie about your life. For what it’s worth, sometimes, I do that, too. And it’s no fun at all.
So, you may be attracted to women, too. Ok. Well, what do we do with that? Simple: take it to God, and tell him what the deal is.
Like you say, there’s been an element of that attraction within you for a long time, and we don’t know exactly where it comes from. That doesn’t leave you with anything to feel bad about, sis. You didn’t decide to be “naughty”; you’re just trying to live your life, which is what all of us are trying to do.
The key is to take it to God. Tell him, “God, I’m attracted to women. I’m not quite sure what to do with that. But I know you’re not looking down on me in the midst of that. I need you to give me peace about where I’m at today, and wisdom on where to go with this tomorrow.”
To avoid any trollish responses to this post, allow me to note that, no, same-gender sexual intercourse is not a right thing. There. Now, then, let’s review where you’re at:
None of the above makes you a freak, or a weirdo, or a super-sinner. It makes you a normal person with sexual desires who’s trying to figure out how to live and follow Jesus. And that’s no easy thing.
God is not looking down on you. I promise. And, more than that, he’d love to talk about your sex life, who you find attractive, where that’s coming from, and where he wants to see it go. In other words, God has a whole lot more to say on the subject of your sex life than “just don’t.”
I’d encourage you, in your prayer life, to start being completely honest with God about how you’re feeling, who you’re attracted to, and how you feel about that attraction. And then I’d encourage you to memorize this verse, and claim it as true for yourself:
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15)
God gets it, sis. He understands. More than you do. He understands, and he’s not looking down on you. He wants you to share your heart with him. And he wants to give you wisdom on where your desires are coming from. And he wants to guide you into a life where you are truly satisfied. I promise.
Anonymous asked:
I have a question. See, my major that I’ve been working on in my life is kicking out masterbation and porn. I’ve been doing good this week but I was wondering if ‘wet dreams’ (I was gonna say something more medical sounding but couldn’t think of anything) are, bad I guess.
Jed Brewer replied:
Hey bro,
Well, there’s a short answer to this question, and a long answer to this question.
The short answer is, no, nocturnal emissions (the more medical sounding name for wet dreams) are not bad. Although there is not 100% agreement in the medical community, it’s commonly believed that nocturnal emissions occur more frequently in the absence of masturbation. In other words, your body has business it wants to take care of, and if you don’t join in, it will just do it without you.
Likewise, psychology says that the things you refuse to think about during the day get worked out in your subconscious mind at night. And you don’t have any choice in the matter.
So, no, it’s not a sin, it’s not bad, and it doesn’t make you dirty. That’s the short answer.
The longer answer starts with a question: why would you think that a wet dream is bad in the first place?
You are a sexual being. God designed you that way. On purpose. I think it’s fantastic that you’re taking a stand against lust in your life, but the goal of that stand is not to become a genderless gnome. The goal of that stand is to submit your sexuality to God, and let him tell you what to do with it.
The problem with lust is not that it’s sexual, it’s that it’s a distortion of God’s plan for sexuality. Likewise, gluttony is not a sin because food is bad, it’s a sin because it presents a perversion of God’s plan for food.
Sexuality is a good thing. It’s a beautiful thing. There’s an entire book of the Bible devoted just to celebrating it. (If you ever start to wonder if God’s a cool dude, remember that the Bible has a whole book of music, and a whole book of sex.)
If you want to do something truly righteous as regards your wet dreams, let them remind you that you are, inescapably, a sexual being, and that God designed you that way. Let them serve as a reminder to go to God and say, “I have a lot of info on what you don’t want sexuality to be in my life, but what do you want it to look like, and how to I start to live into that?”
For a lot of Christians, their goal seems to be to pretend that sexuality doesn’t exist until their wedding night. That is a terrible idea, and it doesn’t work. For the sake of you, and your future spouse, and your future marriage, and your future family, do not do that.
Make no mistake: God has firm boundaries on sexual stuff that shouldn’t be a part of your life right now. But you already know that. My guess, bro, is that what you’re less clear on is what he does want to be a part of your life today, in regards to sexuality.
So, begin that journey. Read Song of Songs. Get with a pastor or mentor you respect and ask, “What does it take to be a good husband? And what does it take to have a healthy sex life in marriage? And what should a healthy sex life look like in marriage? How is it supposed to work?”
What you’ll find is that a good marriage, and a good sex life, will require you to be a certain kind of dude. You’ll need to be confident but humble. Kind but not cloying. Inspiring but not overbearing. Start working on those traits in yourself today, and rest easy in the sure knowledge that God is preparing a good woman for you, and that a day is coming soon when you will lay your burden down.
A great post about how to talk about pornography, lust, etc in the context of a Bible study or youth group! Check it!
Anonymous asked: Every semester or so, my youth group will talk about sex and relationships. I try to tell the guys that if they have any problems with lust or porn, that they can come talk to me but no one has. I’m pretty sure most of if not all of these guys struggle with that. How do I get…
