Hey Jed! So I’m writing this message at 3 am. I’m so confused about life, God, etc. it hurts because I KNOW God loves me. The thing is, I may be attracted to women as I do men. I felt this way for as long as I can remember although it never really bothered me. I’m a shy person but at times, around my close friends, I’m funny and outgoing. Recently though it hit me hard. My words are scrambled and I’m really starting to lose focus on Jesus, my Savior.. I don’t know what to do Mr. Jed, I’ve also have been watching porn as well and I just really need God more than ever..
Jed Brewer replied:
Thanks for your note.
It sounds to me a little bit like you’re freaking yourself out. Like you’re letting a lot of disconnected details try and tell you a big fat lie about your life. For what it’s worth, sometimes, I do that, too. And it’s no fun at all.
So, you may be attracted to women, too. Ok. Well, what do we do with that? Simple: take it to God, and tell him what the deal is.
Like you say, there’s been an element of that attraction within you for a long time, and we don’t know exactly where it comes from. That doesn’t leave you with anything to feel bad about, sis. You didn’t decide to be “naughty”; you’re just trying to live your life, which is what all of us are trying to do.
The key is to take it to God. Tell him, “God, I’m attracted to women. I’m not quite sure what to do with that. But I know you’re not looking down on me in the midst of that. I need you to give me peace about where I’m at today, and wisdom on where to go with this tomorrow.”
To avoid any trollish responses to this post, allow me to note that, no, same-gender sexual intercourse is not a right thing. There. Now, then, let’s review where you’re at:
- You like looking at porn. This is totally normal. (Yes, it’s naughty. We’re all clear on that.) As it turns out, everybody likes looking at naked bodies.
- You’re somewhat attracted to folks of the same gender. OK. That’s true for a lot of people. (The numbers vary a bit, but folks who experience same-gender sexual attraction are about 1-in-10. That’s about the same percentage of people who are left-handed.)
- You feel freaked out. Well, dang, sis, that’s true for a whole lot of people, and just about every young person on the planet.
None of the above makes you a freak, or a weirdo, or a super-sinner. It makes you a normal person with sexual desires who’s trying to figure out how to live and follow Jesus. And that’s no easy thing.
God is not looking down on you. I promise. And, more than that, he’d love to talk about your sex life, who you find attractive, where that’s coming from, and where he wants to see it go. In other words, God has a whole lot more to say on the subject of your sex life than “just don’t.”
I’d encourage you, in your prayer life, to start being completely honest with God about how you’re feeling, who you’re attracted to, and how you feel about that attraction. And then I’d encourage you to memorize this verse, and claim it as true for yourself:
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15)
God gets it, sis. He understands. More than you do. He understands, and he’s not looking down on you. He wants you to share your heart with him. And he wants to give you wisdom on where your desires are coming from. And he wants to guide you into a life where you are truly satisfied. I promise.