morethanjustlaceandaprettyface asked you:
I know this is going to be a really trivial question but I wanted your opinion. I attend church but just last year I started attending an under 30’s bible study and got to know the young people from my church a lot more than before. I feel that I like this one boy however he is the ministers son and although I wouldn’t consider myself unpure I’ve had a few boyfriends and I think he would probably see me as like unpure and not the ideal christian girl. do you think this would be true?
Jed Brewer replied:
My friend, I’m glad you asked, because this is not at all a trivial question.
If you are a Christian – and, thus, Jesus has paid for your sins – then you are not unpure, impure, nonpure, or anything else. You are 100% completely new, pure, and set apart. Period. The end. (See 2 Corinthians 5:17.)
In regards to dating and relationships, there is a lot of nonsense circulating in Christian culture right now, and I’m betting you’ve heard a certain amount of it. There are people who will tell you that, with every romantic relationship you have – sexual or not – you are “giving away a piece of yourself” that you can’t ever get back. And so, the more relationships you’ve had, the less of “you” is left to give to your future husband.
This is wrong. Not a little wrong. Not partially wrong. No, this is all the way, completely and unequivocally wrong. Holy cow.
The truth, Tracy, is that being a Christian is all about being who you really are. It’s about living into the you that God created. So, the longer you walk with the Lord, and the closer your relationship with God becomes, the more you have to give to a husband, regardless of whatever past you’ve had.
Here’s why I bring that up. There are “Christian” guys out there that don’t want anything to do with a girl who’s had a checkered dating history. Here in the states, there’s a well-known Christian speaker who has said publicly that he was terrified by the thought that his wife wouldn’t be a virgin, and that he might not have married her if she wasn’t.
Well, dang. That guy sucks!
You, my dear sister, don’t want anything to do with a guy like that. And I’ll tell you why. Aside from pointing to huge, unresolved hang-ups with his own sexuality, this reveals a person with major, major problems in his walk.
Jesus said, “He who has been forgiven little, loves little. He who has been forgiven much, loves much.” (See Luke 7:47) When you realize that God has shown you infinite, undeserved, impossible grace, you don’t go around judging the past mistakes of others. But, when you think you’re mostly squared away on your own, you feel free to look down on others.
The kind of man you want is a man who knows how much he has been forgiven and delivered from. You want a man who is defined by the grace that God has shown him. That kind of man will have something amazing: understanding.
An understanding man will look at your past and know that you came by all of it honestly. He will know that, whatever mistakes you made, they seemed like a good idea at the time. In fact, from a certain perspective, they seemed like the only real choice before you at the time. He will know that those mistakes didn’t say anything about you then, and they don’t say anything about you today. He will know that, if he didn’t make the same mistakes in his own past, it’s only by the grace of God.
Lastly, the man you want will be concerned about your future, not your past. Marriage is about building a life together and serving the Lord through that team. That’s all about the future, my sister. In fact, it’s just like what Paul said in Philippians 3: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal.” (Phil 3:13-14, NIV)
So, whether it’s the minister’s son or anybody else, approach that man with confidence. You’re a daughter of God who’s sins are paid for, and who’s future is unbelievably amazing. And any man with any sense would be lucky to get to share it with you.