We’re all supposed to believe that God forgives us.  And, sure, intellectually, we do.  But, for a lot of us, that just isn’t how we feel.

Truth is, we don’t feel forgiven.  We don’t feel “free”.  No, for a lot of us, we feel dirty, used-up, and out of second chances.  We might know that isn’t true, but that knowledge doesn’t change the feeling.

If you feel that way, this is for you.

There’s an amazing moment in the Bible where Jesus comes face-to-face with a woman caught in the act of sinning.  And, I’m talking about big old embarrassing sexual sin, the kind you hope nobody ever finds out about.

Jesus says two things to this woman. First, he says, “I do not condemn you.”  Second, he says, “Go now and leave your life of sin.”  (You can read the whole story in John chapter 8.)

Now, the first one - I don’t condemn you - that sounds about right.  I mean, Jesus is supposed to forgive people, so, that makes sense.

But let’s look at that second one.  “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

If you asked most people what it means to leave a “life of sin”, they’d say, “Simple!  Stop doing bad stuff!”  But I’m not sure that’s exactly it.

See, sin, at its core, is about selfishness.  It’s a focus on me, and what I think might satisfy me at any given moment, regardless of anybody else.  By contrast, a life driven by God’s Spirit is a life focused on God, what God wants, and what God is doing.  (For more on this, check out the book of Galatians, and especially chapter 5.)

So, then, if our hearts and thoughts are consumed with beating up on ourselves for past sins, and trying to grit our teeth and whip ourselves to resist present temptations, sin is still the thing at the center of our lives.  We’re focused on our jacked-up mess, and what the heck is wrong with us, and how terrible we are.

Here’s what the Bible says about that:

“Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn’t pleased at being ignored.” (Romans 8:8, MSG)

Whoa.  That does not sound good.  Ok.  So, what do we do instead?

We recognize that leaving a life of sin is about, well, leaving a life of sin.  It’s about putting something else at the center of our thoughts and energies.  It’s about having a life driven by something other than the draw and repulsion of sin.

If you want to leave your life of sin, I’ve got two suggestions for you.

First, don’t wait around for your emotions to agree with what God is telling you. He says you stand forgiven, and you do.  Waiting for 100% buy-in from your feelings…that’s a very long wait.

Second, take the focus off of yourself, and put it onto loving other people. 

It sounds funny to say it out loud, but, people who are hurting, people who are going through a rough time, they don’t care what you’ve done in your past.  The lonely kid in class who cuts himself?  If you’re willing to talk to him and be a friend, he’s not going to double check the last time you looked at porn before accepting your company.  The homeless guy at the soup kitchen who hasn’t eaten in three days?  He couldn’t care less if you went too far physically with your last boyfriend.  It just doesn’t matter.

And when you start to focus on loving other people, instead of obsessing over your sins, you’ll begin to realize, for yourself, that the sins don’t matter in the way you thought they did.  Sure, they were wrong.  Yes, we want to work on not doing them.  But they don’t define you.  They don’t tell you who you are.  And they don’t tell you what your life is about.

Beloved, leave your life of sin.  Leave your life of guilt and shame and introspection and obsession.  Jesus has a real life he wants to give you – a life following Him, a life serving others – and, I promise, it’s absolutely amazing.

elleinwonderland asked you:
What is the point of waiting til marriage for sex if you’ve already had sex in the past? I’m trying to do things ‘right’ in my current relationship having done a lot of things I regret in the past - but every time one of my friends asks me this question I hear this little voice in my head saying ‘yeah, that’s a good point.’ Not a voice I want to give into - but how can I explain this, both to myself and to non-Christians in a way that doesn’t look preachy? X

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Elly,

Sis, I totally appreciate your question.  And it makes sense.  And I’m glad you asked.

When God says to save sex for marriage, it’s not because he has a bizarre fixation on people being virgins on their wedding night.  No, he says it because sex forges an emotional bond between the two people involved.  Sex forges that bond because that’s what it’s designed to do.  When that bond is forged between two people who have made a commitment to be with each other, no matter what (which is what a marriage is), then everything works great.  The emotional bond matches the relational bond.  But when that bond is forged between two people who aren’t quite sure and they’ll see how it goes, well, people get hurt.

Whenever God says, “don’t”, what he’s saying is “don’t hurt yourself.”  People can drone on about the idea of casual sex all they want, but as you and I both know, it doesn’t work.  At it’s best, casual sex is hype – the thing you keep telling yourself will be amazing, and keeps being really not that.  And at its worst, it really, really breaks our hearts.

God doesn’t want to see you get your heart broken.  That’s why.  Your heart is really important to him, and he wants you to guard it carefully (Proverbs 4:23).

And, let’s keep it real for a second: there isn’t an orgasm worthy of heartache.  And the fact that you’ve had sex in the past and got hurt doesn’t make it a good idea to do again today, any more than the fact that I’ve had one broken toe implies that I wouldn’t be bothered by a second.  Sex is not a separate category of sin where once you’ve done it, all bets are off.  I deal with drug dealers as a part of my day job, and no one is trying to tell them that since they’ve sold crack before, it doesn’t matter if they do it again.

But I’d like to add one more thing for you to look at.  And that is this: if you want a really amazing, Godly relationship, then don’t waste your time worrying about how wrong it can be and still work.  Start asking how right and good and amazing it can be.  There will come a day (when you’re married) when God will say, “It’s time for sexy time to commence and never cease.”  Between now and then, while there are some things God is saying “no” to, there’s a host of things he’s saying “yes” to – like encouraging each other, building each other up, serving Jesus together – and I’d encourage you to take a hold of those things with both hands.

thereareangelsinyourangles asked you:
I feel weird asking this to someone whose blog I just found, but you seem like someone with a good heart & a lot of wisdom. I used to be a “strong Christian” & when I reached out to a gay community without saying “you’re living in sin, God wants you to change”, I was ostracized by my fellow believers, found myself losing a lot of confidence & fell into the throes of an eating disorder. I still believe in God but I’m so caught up in where I am & I don’t know how to get back to where I was.

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Kylie,

Thanks for your note, my friend.  And no need to feel weird – that’s what I’m here for.

I’m sorry that happened to you.  It sucks, and it’s not OK.

You said that you don’t know how to get back to where you were.  I totally hear that.  If you’ll permit me to say so, I think the challenge before you is not to get back to where you were – because you can’t, and I don’t think you’d want to – but, rather, to figure out where we go next.

Before we can move forward, though, we have to deal with the past.  Here’s what we know:

• Reaching out to folks who don’t know Jesus is good.
• Jesus was known – and criticized – for being a “friend of sinners”, just like you were.
• When Jesus told people that they were living in sin and needed to change, he was usually talking to the religious people, who are the very people that mistreated you.
• When Jesus was talking to “sinners”, He loved on them and told them to hang out with him and just rest (Matthew 11:28-30).

(And, so you know where I’m coming from, I love gay people.  Period.  And anybody that has a problem with that can meet me and Jesus in the parking lot.)

Now, then, if we look at the past, what we see is a young gal trying to follow the example of Jesus, and having a bunch of so-called Christians persecute her for it.  And, sis, I’m terribly, terribly sorry that that happened.

You said that this shook your confidence and wreaked havoc on some self-image struggles.  And that makes sense: it’s very difficult to have a group of people hating on you and decide that they’re the problem.

But here’s what we need to decide, in order to move forward: they – the church people – were, in point of fact, the problem.  They sucked.  They sinned.  And they were the problem; not you.

Here’s what the Bible says…

“When people realize it is the living God you are presenting and not some idol that makes them feel good, they are going to turn on you… There is a great irony here: proclaiming so much love, experiencing so much hate!” (Matthew 10:21-23, MSG)

And, one more.

“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with a heavy millstone hung around his neck, he had been cast into the sea.” (Mark 9:42, NASB)

I think, Kylie, that if we can make up our mind that you were not the problem, then that actually opens the door to moving into something truly amazing.  And that is a relationship with God that’s just you and Him.  Nobody else is invited, and nobody else gets a say.

To grow as a Christian past a certain (very early) point, one must decide that it’s just them and God.  And that keeps a lot of people from growing further, because they want their relationship with God to be decided by committee.  But you, sis, because of this terrible experience you’ve gone through, have the advantage of already knowing that a great number of so-called Christians are completely full of it.

Your walk with God should scare other people.  And when it does, press farther.  They don’t like you loving gay people?  Love gay people harder.  Volunteer at the AIDS hospice.  Get involved with a group like Emmaus that does outreach to gay prostitutes here in Chicago.  Refuse to quit.  Never, ever give up.

Along the way, you will find a (small) community of fellow believers that get you, love you, and have your back.  And that is a great blessing. 

One more quick thing.  God is with you, Kylie.  He loves you desperately, and he is torn between sorrow for the way his daughter hurts, and anger for the way she was treated.  He’s not giving up on you, and he’s not ashamed to be your Dad.  No matter what’s happened in the last bit of your life, he’s not deterred in his love for you.  And he’s not scared of the hurt and confusion inside of you.  I’m betting that His strongest desire is for you to get all of that out in the open with Him so he can tell you this: “They were wrong.  And I love you.”

You are your Father’s daughter, Kylie.  You have his heart, sister.  I know, because I can see the family resemblance.  Don’t give up. 

Happy Sunday, y’all!  

Here’s a song about when Jesus healed a guy that was really sick with a terrible disease called leprosy (check out Mark 1:40).  I was thinking about that story, and it reminded me of how much that’s the exact thing Jesus has done for me.  So I wrote this song.

I Want To

Yeah, and nobody would touch me
Nobody wanted me in town

I had to tell them I was dirty
If any of ‘em ever came around

Then I said you know you can heal me
Then I said you know you can

And you said I want to, I want to, I do
So I’ll touch you, and I’ll make you like new
Because I love you, I love you, I do

And I had nothing going for me
I had no future, none at all

I was dying more than a little at a time
Yeah, even more than we all are

Then I said you know you can heal me
Then I said you know you can

And you said I want to, I want to, I do
So I’ll touch you, and I’ll make you like new
Because I love you, I love you, I do

Anonymous asked:
I know that I’m not supposed to have sex before marraige, but I’m not sure I really understand why. The boy I’m with is christian too, and we try and follow the bible in other ways but with sex- I’m the only one to question it and often say no. His argument is always ‘we’re going to get married anyway so it cant be a problem’. I don’t know how this stands biblically. Can you help me? Thanks Jed, love your blog

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Anon,

Thanks for the kind words – I’m really glad you dig the blog.

Before we go any further, you deserve an apology.  See, you wouldn’t need to ask this question if people who called themselves Christians hadn’t made a total mess of marriage.  If the folks who came before you had lived up to God’s idea of marriage, you’d be able to readily see that sex in a Godly marriage is beautiful and comfortable and passionate and satisfying in ways that it cannot be outside of one.

But I know folks haven’t modeled that for you, and, so, you’re made to wonder what the point in waiting is.  And that isn’t fair to you, and, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.

As it turns out, there’s a huge difference between sex as it is commonly practiced in our culture, and sex as God intended it.    In our culture, sex is just bodies.  It’s just two bodies coming together and doing what bodies do.  And, really, outside of the health implications, how is that different from a friend giving you a backrub?  I mean, both sex and backrubs involve your body and giving and receiving pleasure.  And, I suppose if your friend has the flu, you could get sick from the backrub, too.

But here’s what’s missing from that equation: trust, vulnerability, and intimacy.

See, in God’s idea of marriage and sexuality, sex is about far, far more than the body.  Sex is the ultimate human answer to the question, “Here I am – do you really want me?”

I bet that, when you were little, you knew somebody who had a crush on somebody else, and they wrote a note that said, “I like you. Do you like me?  Check one: [ ]yes [ ] no.”  Well, see, we, as humans, don’t ever truly grow out of that.  Romantic relationships are, at their core, the process of revealing more and more of yourself to your beloved and daring to ask, “Do you still want me?”

This process of ever-growing trust, vulnerability, acceptance, and resultant intimacy reaches its peak with sex.  You are, in a literal sense, presenting yourself naked before your spouse, and posing the question, “Here I am completely unguarded.  Will you accept me?”

Well, see, in the context of a Godly marriage, you can pose that question with complete confidence, because you know that the answer will always be, “Heck yes!”

In a Godly marriage, you know that your partner accepts you mind, body, and spirit, and has promised to do whatever is necessary so that that will always be true.  They have promised, “You can trust me, no matter what.”  And that trust gives you the freedom to be utterly vulnerable.  And when we’re vulnerable and accepted, that leads to real intimacy.  And real intimacy that leads to sex (instead of vice versa) is basically the most awesome thing ever.  It is also – I promise – the best sex you can have.

Outside of a Godly marriage – which, unfortunately includes a lot of real-life marriages – you don’t have that promise of unwavering trustworthiness.  You have how I feel about you today, and maybe how I feel about you tomorrow.  And that’s it. 

Well, see, true trust can’t exist in that context.  And without trust, we can’t have real vulnerability.  And without vulnerability, we can’t have real intimacy.  And without real intimacy, all we’ve got is bodies being bodies.

But the problem, Anon, is that, despite what our culture says, our brains can’t accept that sex is just bodies being bodies.  Our brains are convinced that sex goes with intimacy, so, when we have sex, our brains decide that there’s intimacy there, whether there really is or not.  And then things don’t work out - which no one promised they would - and we get really hurt.

So that’s why.  Sex is meant to be both the celebration and the outcome of a lifelong, committed relationship, which is what marriage is.  Sex outside of that is just a pale shadow that, health concerns aside, only sets us up to get our hearts broken.

Tomorrow, the odds are, you will show up for church.  And when you do, I bet there’s part of you that looks around at all the neat, tidy, squared-away people in that sanctuary and thinks: “What am I doing here?  They all have this Christian thing figured out so much better than me.  I’m barely pulling it off.  And I don’t belong here.”

If you’re feeling that way, for what it’s worth, I understand.  And so does God.  But, he doesn’t agree.

The Bible says that “all have sinned”, and that means that, tomorrow, when you walk into church, there’s nothing but sinners.  There aren’t some really holy folks and some really terrible evil people.  There’s just sinners.  Which means you fit right in.

The truth is, church is a place for people who have made mistakes.  Church is a place for people who regret things they’ve done in the past week.  Church is where you go when you’re barely holding on.

But here’s the thing about feeling like you’re barely holding on, like you’re barely pulling it off…that isn’t something to be ashamed of.  In a boxing match, when they ring the bell to end one round and boxer dude gets a break, he staggers over to his coaching people, to his corner, with blood all over him, barely able to see straight.  He’s barely holding on, and his people aren’t looking down on him for it.  They understand: he just got the crap beat out of him.  That’s what boxing is.

Well, see, when you show up for church, that’s your break from the boxing match of your life.  That’s your corner, where your coaches are waiting to give you rest, encouragement, strategy, and everything you need to go another round.  You might feel like you’re hanging by a thread, but, baby, you’re there.  Sure, you took some blows to the face.  And we’ll figure out how to keep our guard up a little better for next week.  But you made it through the round, and that’s the victory.

So hold your head high.  Walk through those doors knowing that you fit right in, and that this time is there to equip you, strengthen you, and give you what you need to go another round trading blows with the devil and the world.  You might walk through those doors bloody and bruised, but if you’re walking through them, you’re a champion all the same.

Anonymous asked:
Hi. This is kind of hard for me to talk about. But i cut myself for the first time a couple days ago. And i feel horrible about it, i dont even know why i did it. I know that God’s love for me has not changed. but i feel like he is disappointed with how i view myself. how do i deal with this correctly?

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey my friend,

I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time.  My wife and I are praying for you, and we’ve got your back. 

I think there are three things to look at.  The first is just to sit down with God and clear the air.  Say, “God, I shouldn’t of done that, and it wasn’t cool.  And I’m sorry.”  And rest easy in the knowledge that God isn’t holding anything against you at all.  (1 John 1:9)

The second thing is to deal with the shame you’re feeling.  See, I’m guessing that part of what you’re struggling with is the question, “What does this say about me?  Am I a different kind of person now?”  That’s how taboos work.  People tell us that “only a certain kind of sinner would do xyz”, and, then, when we’ve done xyz, we’re left to wonder if that’s true.

Well, it’s not.  The person you are hasn’t changed.  At all.  Nearly everybody on the planet has, at some point, done something “they thought they’d never do.”  It didn’t change them or put them in a different category of human being.  All it did was to confirm that they – like everybody else – fall under the category of “sinner”.  And sinners sin.  And if you put a person in the right set of circumstances with the right pressures, they’re capable of doing just about anything.  Hence the phrase, “there but for the Grace of God go I.”

The good news, my friend, is that, if you’ll work through this shame with God, he’ll bring something amazing out of it.  Because, on the other side of thinking you’re a dirty sinner and realizing you’re not, you’re in an amazing position to set other people free.  You know, today, in your life, people who are convinced that they are damaged goods or “different” due to sex or drugs or any number of things.  And that belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  You think you’re dirty, so you do dirty things that hurt you.  And God wants to use you to set those people free.  (How’s it taste, Satan?)

The last thing I’d suggest you look at is strategy.  See, people use heroin for a reason.  They get into bad relationships for a reason.  And they cut for a reason.  You have some legitimate needs in your life, and some part of you thought that cutting would help (this is another reason not to be ashamed).  Well, that makes sense, it just doesn’t turn out to be true.  But, to move forward, we need to know what needs you were trying to fulfill with the cutting.  Maybe it’s a need for excitement.  Maybe it’s a need to feel something full-on.  Maybe it’s a need for release.  Or for self-expression.  But it’s something, and we need to know what.  Find a mentor who is significantly farther along with the Lord than yourself, and start talking stuff out.  I bet the two of you will be able to find it.

And then you need a plan to answer that need in a healthy and Godly way.  God has a desire to give you excitement and immediacy and release and self-expression.  And he has a way to hook that up.  We just need to figure out what it is.

My friend, if you’ll work through these steps, you’ll have a first hand experience of what it means for something to be redeemed.  That God can and does take tragedies, and turn them into something good and right and beautiful.

jesusandalex asked you:
Hi Jed! What does it really mean when God say he will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand? I’ve watch video of artists who seem to have a relationship with Christ falls short of His glory and never return back. Why did God allow them to be tempted to the point of despair and death? Thank you!

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Alex,

It sucks to see that happen.  It really does.

The truth is that we each make our own choices.  And sometimes, we make really, really bad ones.

God gave us free will because you can’t have love without it.  Love has to be chosen.  But with the ability to choose comes the ability to choose wrong.

The big problem is that sin has a momentum to it.  Once we start making really bad choices, we tend to keep on making more and more of them.  There are reasons for that, of course.  Pride is one – nobody wants to admit they were wrong.  Despair is another – if you get in a deep enough hole, you start to think you could never get out anyway.  Cowardice is a third.  Sometimes we’re just terrified to look things full in the face.

But you’re wondering where God is in the midst of all that.  The answer is that he’s standing right by that person, the whole time, pleading desperately for them to just turn around.

There is no sin that God’s grace can’t cover.  And there is no sin that God’s love can’t bear.  And that means that when people fall off and don’t ever turn it around, it’s because they choose it.  And they do so little bit by little bit.

But, now, why would God allow people to be tempted in the first place?  Part of the answer is that going through trials and struggles and tests gives us the opportunity to become stronger.  And we need to be strong in order to fully take a hold of the amazing life that God created us to live.  (c.f. Colossians 1:9-12, MSG)

A smart man once said that anything with a potential for great good has with it – in a fallen world – a potential for great evil.  And we can readily see that as we look around.  Marriage, for example, can be a beautiful thing.  It can also be a vicious and abusive enslavement.  The potential for both good and evil is very large.

Well, so it is here.  Free will carries the possibility of grave consequences.  We can choose the love of God and be transformed.  And we can also wreck our lives.

You asked what that verse (1 Corinthians 10:13) means.  It means that God wants you and him to be a team.  That God gives you free will, and then you and He must work out together where to go with it – how to make good, Godly decisions.  It means that you have a role to play in living the life God designed for you, but that God will be prepared to give you everything you need to live that role out. 

One time, Peter and Jesus were talking, and Peter looked at one of the other disciples and said, “Jesus – what about him?!”  And Jesus replied, “What do you care?  You must follow me.”

I mention that, Alex, to say that, in your life with Jesus, you’re going to see people slip, stumble, and fall.  That will happen.  But, when it does, your life still comes down to you and Jesus, working things out together, as a team, moment by moment.  Your life still comes down to making the right and Godly choice with what God has before you today.  Keep seeking the Lord, day by day, and you will get where you’re going.  And God will take care of everybody else.

snickleefritzz asked you:
Hey Jed, would you have any advice for someone who is going to a Bible school but recently feels far away from God? Not mentioning who it is or anything ;)

Jed Brewer replied:

Hey Tiffany,

Thanks for your question, sis!  And, just as a side note, I dig your photography!

The first thing I would offer, in terms of feeling far from God, is that it’s not something you need to feel ashamed of.  David, who the Bible describes as “a man after God’s own heart”, wrote both Psalm 13 and Psalm 22.  And those are pretty dang “feeling far from God” Psalms!

So, let’s take a deep breath, and set down that sense of shame.  I know that, particularly somewhere like a Bible school, there can be pressure to act like everything’s OK all the time.  Well, it isn’t, and it ain’t gonna be, so let’s just let that go.

The thing we want to determine is: where is this feeling coming from?  You and I, as human beings, are capable of having strong emotions for a wide variety of reasons.  Some of them stem from rather simple things.  Ever had a rough night’s sleep, and spent the next day pretty sure that everyone hates you?  Ever been really hungry, and you inexplicably find that you hate everyone around you?  See what I mean?  Huge emotion; small cause.

And, sometimes, our emotions are dislocated – there’s something substantial behind them, but the connection isn’t obvious.   So, in your life, family drama, a sense of uncertainty about the future, loneliness, and discouragement – just as examples – can all lead to feeling far from God.  None of those things are related to actually being far from God, but any one of them can lead you to feeling that way.

Now, Tiffany, I should note that, when Christians ask about feeling far from God, very often, they’re quietly afraid that the emotional distance they feel is the result of some secret and terrible sin, and, perhaps, one they’re not even aware of.

For what it’s worth, I haven’t found that – the secret sin – to be the case very often.  But, the generalized guilt that a lot of Christian carry around – feeling bad just cause – will absolutely, no question, mess with your head, and lead you to feel not only far from God, but unworthy of his love and grace and acceptance.  And it’s a nasty little lie.

So, what I’d encourage you to do is, first, for the next few days, get enough sleep, eat regular meals, and drink plenty of water, and see how you feel.  If you’re still feeling off, spend some time praying and journaling, and talking with a trusted friend or mentor, and try and get a sense of “where is this coming from?”  In particular, look for subjects that come up again and again.  If your parents’ troubled marriage – as an example – keeps coming up as you think, pray, journal, and talk, then that’s a good sign that that’s what you’re concerned about.  And then you can start dealing with that situation directly.

Lastly, sis, here’s what I know: God is not far from you.  Even if the worst was true, and you felt far from God because you were running away, you just turn around, and He’s right there.  That’s the kind of love he has for you.  So don’t be ashamed, and don’t be afraid.  Your Father is crazy about you.